Outside the Mandala
If I could step back and analyze the image of my past emotional body I am sure the scene would not be a pleasant one. I picture an ash covered and gray skeletal carcass littered with injuries from friendships gone wrong and constant betrayal. I often ask myself if I care too much about things and people I shouldn't. There are times that I wonder if I vanished from this planet if anyone would really be effected by it, or if they'd relish in the thought of knowing my existence came to an end.
I trust a handful of people, and even they have inflicted their own damage upon me at one time or another. Why are we as human beings so prone to chaos and pain? Why do we fight a lifetime to end sorrow, yet we lust for it the moment it leaves our lives? Why do we create problems when none exist?
I don't know why I am so bothered lately, everything is going wonderfully, you know? I think the reason I study Ninjutsu and attempt to live the lifestyle is because it's the only thing I can find truth and reliability in. It's the only thing that hasn't back stabbed me or ruined me. It helps me realize and correct my mistakes.
I wonder if I could turn back time a couple years and undo a few things if I'd be happier in life now or maybe I'd be even more miserable. There were times in the past, that I wanted to share my pain with the world. I wanted to make everyone else suffer for the bullshit in life that I went through. But that never made anything better, it only ruined things even more so. I guess we all learn with time and as we age, we should become more mature and intelligent. Only time will tell.
Sayonara.
Hope you're all doing well.
I trust a handful of people, and even they have inflicted their own damage upon me at one time or another. Why are we as human beings so prone to chaos and pain? Why do we fight a lifetime to end sorrow, yet we lust for it the moment it leaves our lives? Why do we create problems when none exist?
I don't know why I am so bothered lately, everything is going wonderfully, you know? I think the reason I study Ninjutsu and attempt to live the lifestyle is because it's the only thing I can find truth and reliability in. It's the only thing that hasn't back stabbed me or ruined me. It helps me realize and correct my mistakes.
I wonder if I could turn back time a couple years and undo a few things if I'd be happier in life now or maybe I'd be even more miserable. There were times in the past, that I wanted to share my pain with the world. I wanted to make everyone else suffer for the bullshit in life that I went through. But that never made anything better, it only ruined things even more so. I guess we all learn with time and as we age, we should become more mature and intelligent. Only time will tell.
Sayonara.
Hope you're all doing well.