December, 1996

[nin_reznor]

I watched her walk by, and never said a word. I know she had no idea I was there. When I want to be, I'm very careful about such things.

I felt slightly foolish. I also felt like a stalker. Echoes of a past life, always standing on the outside looking in, never quite able to find the voice I wanted, needed to connect with those I desperately

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[_tori_amos_]

Nearly a decade ago. It's strange the way time travels, as I was typing away and ruminating over before the notepad feature so rudely interrupted my trains of thought. And yet, somehow, you bring it all back. The thoughts. The emotions. The good ones. It was almost as if the world would turn it's back for just a moment to give us that time to hold one another in those brief bits of physical connection. You were warmer than you could tell, your hands were stronger than you allowed them to truly be and your heart -- always much more open then you ever imagined. I saw it in your eyes and I still see it there. It's audible with every slight vocal inflection when you speak.

A lot has past since then. And before that moment, a lot had passed before then, as well. There we were, still awkwardly embracing in spite of it all. If ten years was all I needed to wait for to know what it was like to have and to hold a cleaner, sober, completely charming and just as handsome you? So fucking be it. I'd have gladly waited a lifetime if I was sure that I was meant to find you again. And I knew that I was. It just wasn't time.

The past has already occurred, the future is tomorrow and the present is today, is right now. It's happening. Today I love you more than yesterday, if possible. Tomorrow I'll love you even more. This is our time now. The hard part is being patient enough for tomorrow when there's this much joy and promise.

[nin_reznor]

How do you do that, Tori?

How do you have such a gift for making me stumble over myself like I was a kid again? Speechless before your power, Scarlett. Always was. I just was good at hiding it, even in the early days.

Too old, too much mileage on these tires to bother now. I'm not young, dumb and full of come anymore. Older, wiser, but my hands don't shake when I look at bottles anymore. They get a little tremor every time I see your lips. Different kind, though.

I love you, pretty little red-haired girl.

[_tori_amos_]

If I knew just what I was doing to make you speechless I could do one of two things: use it to my advantage, order you around in a Cabana boy outfit. Or I could just smile, kiss you senseless and wait patiently for you to find your words. When you find them, you always blow me away. I'm much too wordy and flowery. You say it straight out when neccessary. You've taught me a lot.

Yet, here I am still jabbering away when I could be just as speechless. The way you make me feel in incomparable to anything else. Entirely.

And I love you, Charlie Brown. I guess this is Christmas.

[nin_reznor]

If this is Christmas, then I'm behind on my shopping. So, it can't be quite Christmas yet. Maybe one of it's attributed days. Day 7 of 12, collect them all.

[_tori_amos_]

Gotta catch `em all. You and I both but, well, Tash will be gone for a few days soon. That'll free up some of my time, unless you do your characteristic swooping. Not that I would mind.

Would it be too terrible to ask you what you'd like for Christmas?

[nin_reznor]

Tie a bow around your waist, and meet me in the bedroom. Best present ever.

[_tori_amos_]

Even if I know you're being serious, you must at least want something other than that. Unless you care to get more specific.

[nin_reznor]

I've had my eye on a motorcycle. I could use a new leather jacket.

And I wasn't even remotely kidding about the bow, naked, bedroom thing.

[_tori_amos_]

And a helmet, for your protection.

Little do you know, I've had my eye on some material. Might make for a nice bow.

[nin_reznor]

I'd say they mess up my hair, but that really isn't buyable anymore, with the new cut. Something in black, if you please.

Something silk?

[_tori_amos_]

Black it is. To match with everything else. Including the hair, when it grows back again. Or when you allow it to grow back again.

Possibly.

[nin_reznor]

I've been considering that. At least for a month or so while I'm on break from the tour.

Good luck finding something softer than your skin.

[_tori_amos_]

Something to grab onto.

Amazing compliments aside, maybe I should't try and match it. Maybe I should go with velvet. It has the tendency of being both soft and rough.

[nin_reznor]

Velvet. Now there's an idea. I do like how it looks on you.

[_tori_amos_]

This morning feels like a good round of 10 Questions with you for some odd reason.

Now I should leave the door open for you. Anything else you'd want to know that you somehow didn't . . . the floor's yours.