(no subject)
i'm looking forward to a hang over tomorrow, and some pain when i get up for church.
i did some of my christmas shopping, for the girls at school. i got something for bobby. i don't know if he'll like that i got him something. i'm planning on just leaving it there one morning when i leave. eh. what can you do
i had a shitty day i cut myself open
yup
cut myself on a wine glass.
i'm watching lord of the rings- two towers, extended edition. yup its pretty cool i haven't watched aminute of it really. i've been drinking, smoking, and well talking online. bobby got online. and well he actually talked to me. i texted him eariler today, and he didn't reply
then when i cut myself he didn't reply
i give up.
i talked to sam on the phone about it. i don't know whats going on. we're going to watch a movie tomorrow. hopefully that will help me calm down. and well.. eyah i'm gonna go to the hockey game. and i'll show bobby my hand, and i'm not going to sleep there. i swear! okay i lie i probably will. but its just getting harder and harder- to know that we're friends that share a bed, and occasionally do stuff.
i just have to keep that in mind
i have to think of him more as phil over the summer then as bobby the guy i really like at school.
i just worry that he keeps me around- cause he feels bad, and that he just doesn't want to hurt me.
but then again its not really his style, if he didn't want me around he'd stop talking to me. and he wouldn't want me to sleep there.
but i'm taking my stuff out of the appartment. my tooth brush and all that stuff.
i probably said that already and i'm probably repeating myself.
i felt out of place tonight at pomfret. like i should have been at school at a frat party getting drunk
i went home and drank. a lot. still drinking now. casually watching amovie having smirnoff.
sam said he'd come take care of me if my hand was that bad. but it was done bleeding by that time.
i don't know. STUPID PMS.
grrr i wish i didn't like bobby as much as i do. i don't want to like him. it would be much eaiser, i want to see him happy- and its so hard when he isn't.
i want a night where we stay up all night and don't sleep, because we're talking about everything and nothing all at once. thats what i want. the best christmas present could be that.
i thought i saw justins car today... ... yeah... it wasn't cool.
i did some of my christmas shopping, for the girls at school. i got something for bobby. i don't know if he'll like that i got him something. i'm planning on just leaving it there one morning when i leave. eh. what can you do
i had a shitty day i cut myself open
yup
cut myself on a wine glass.
i'm watching lord of the rings- two towers, extended edition. yup its pretty cool i haven't watched aminute of it really. i've been drinking, smoking, and well talking online. bobby got online. and well he actually talked to me. i texted him eariler today, and he didn't reply
then when i cut myself he didn't reply
i give up.
i talked to sam on the phone about it. i don't know whats going on. we're going to watch a movie tomorrow. hopefully that will help me calm down. and well.. eyah i'm gonna go to the hockey game. and i'll show bobby my hand, and i'm not going to sleep there. i swear! okay i lie i probably will. but its just getting harder and harder- to know that we're friends that share a bed, and occasionally do stuff.
i just have to keep that in mind
i have to think of him more as phil over the summer then as bobby the guy i really like at school.
i just worry that he keeps me around- cause he feels bad, and that he just doesn't want to hurt me.
but then again its not really his style, if he didn't want me around he'd stop talking to me. and he wouldn't want me to sleep there.
but i'm taking my stuff out of the appartment. my tooth brush and all that stuff.
i probably said that already and i'm probably repeating myself.
i felt out of place tonight at pomfret. like i should have been at school at a frat party getting drunk
i went home and drank. a lot. still drinking now. casually watching amovie having smirnoff.
sam said he'd come take care of me if my hand was that bad. but it was done bleeding by that time.
i don't know. STUPID PMS.
grrr i wish i didn't like bobby as much as i do. i don't want to like him. it would be much eaiser, i want to see him happy- and its so hard when he isn't.
i want a night where we stay up all night and don't sleep, because we're talking about everything and nothing all at once. thats what i want. the best christmas present could be that.
i thought i saw justins car today... ... yeah... it wasn't cool.