THE NEWS, My favorite fact based drama.
The news.......Hate it. It's full to the brim with a bunch of chuckling old losers who mix their opinions in with what used to fact. On no other show (and I'm calling it a show) do you actually have the plot all laid out for you. All there is left is to add some ~~~**>>RaZzLE DaZzLE<<**~~~ Take for example: Two children in the same month are injured my escalators. Booooooooooooooriiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!! But oh no! Here comes some ~~~**>>RaZZle dAZzlE<<**~~~ "Tonight......there is a terror lurking.....it could strike at any moment> ARE YOU SAFE!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?! Next time you ride an escalator...think......are you riding a STAIRWAY TO DANGER!?!??!?!" Then of course they use music from old horror movies and graphics with a lot of red and your scared shitless. Then it's time for commercial and right when the uplifting music starts one of those untalented saps of a news anchor makes a witty remark to show that maybe they have SOME sort of personality.
Next come the most painful words anyone can endure: "And now with the weather". OH SHIT. HEY!.......HEY! EVERYONE!!.....This MIGHT happen...and if it doesn't......I still get paid!!!! A weatherman's job is to stand there, slick back his hair like a 1920's bartender and read from a teleprompter. You've actually have done more work than a weatherman does in a week by reading this post. Why do the always look like they touch little boys???
Now comes the segment for the "people". You may have seen these. "7 on your side", "Crimestoppers", "Problem solvers". Basically some asshole or soccer mom can't help themselves, so they ask a major news organization to fix the problem for them. They case after the crooked lawyer and make it look like the workin man's ot some sort of power in this country. And everyone goes oh WOW! There is justice. Fat Fuckin Chance. The media needed something for filler and boy they fuckin got it. Nothin fills that gap in front of entertainment news like human interest stories.
Speaking of which......
Entertainment news is where all the other hollyhood gossip they forget to report to us in the main hour is finally forced into our living rooms. I mean it's not like the news is all about celebrities! Come on! We NEED another segment just for J-lo's ass.!!!!
NEWS FLASH!!!!! arafat dies. GWENETH PALTROW HAS A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE GWENETH PALTROW HAS A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile two planes have....JUDE LAW IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HANDSOME!!!!!! And the next president of the United States of America, the person who will shape our future and govern this land is....BEN AFLECK!!! BEN AFLECK IN MAKING ANOTHER BAD MOVIE!!!!!!!!! ~REJOICE~
Next come the most painful words anyone can endure: "And now with the weather". OH SHIT. HEY!.......HEY! EVERYONE!!.....This MIGHT happen...and if it doesn't......I still get paid!!!! A weatherman's job is to stand there, slick back his hair like a 1920's bartender and read from a teleprompter. You've actually have done more work than a weatherman does in a week by reading this post. Why do the always look like they touch little boys???
Now comes the segment for the "people". You may have seen these. "7 on your side", "Crimestoppers", "Problem solvers". Basically some asshole or soccer mom can't help themselves, so they ask a major news organization to fix the problem for them. They case after the crooked lawyer and make it look like the workin man's ot some sort of power in this country. And everyone goes oh WOW! There is justice. Fat Fuckin Chance. The media needed something for filler and boy they fuckin got it. Nothin fills that gap in front of entertainment news like human interest stories.
Speaking of which......
Entertainment news is where all the other hollyhood gossip they forget to report to us in the main hour is finally forced into our living rooms. I mean it's not like the news is all about celebrities! Come on! We NEED another segment just for J-lo's ass.!!!!
NEWS FLASH!!!!! arafat dies. GWENETH PALTROW HAS A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE GWENETH PALTROW HAS A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile two planes have....JUDE LAW IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HANDSOME!!!!!! And the next president of the United States of America, the person who will shape our future and govern this land is....BEN AFLECK!!! BEN AFLECK IN MAKING ANOTHER BAD MOVIE!!!!!!!!! ~REJOICE~