Blah
Seems I've contracted either the flu or one fuck of a horrifying cold. I'm not surprised, the office sounds like a sick ward and a friend of mine named Antoinette just got done with about two weeks of it. Illnesses usually don't last that long for me, thankfully. I stayed home yesterday and today - here's hoping I'm up and around again by Monday or I'm going to be screwed.
Okay, let me see if I can get down what happened to me the other day.
The girl who I shared the bed with at the con last weekend... well, there's been a couple of revelations. We knew she was a con virgin and a Rocky virgin (both of which were cured last weekend) but it seems she's a REAL virgin too, and she's beyond ready to not be one anymore. I'm her choice for someone to take care of that little problem for her. She confessed via email that she's had a crush on me for a really long time - and she used the 'L' word.
SO... after Roy successfully suppressed the urge to sneak out of work, steal a car, and head to Canada, I tried to explain to her that while I'm attracted to her (and I am) I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO not ready emotionally to deal with anything that could be mistaken for a relationship. There's also three people who I'll use the 'L' word on, and one of them is my aunt.
She flipped. Well, she didn't flip (I've seen flipping, and that wasn't it), but she got very emotional. She cried. Further conversation revealed that she's never even had a real boyfriend. The bed we shared at the con was the first time she's shared a bed with someone besides her mom. I guess she had a guy she was really hung up on a couple of years ago and desperately wanted to sleep with him and he gave her pretty much the same spiel, just nastier. To be honest, I find that really strange because she's quite attractive. I think she came out of that with the self esteem of a Dorito chip.
I tried hard to explain that it wasn't a brush-off. I tried to make her understand that I wasn't even necessarily saying that nothing would ever happen, just that nothing was going to happen NOW. I did my best to make her feel attractive and desirable. I know that saying "It's not you, it's me" is usually code for "It's you" but that is really not the case here and I tried to make her understand that as well.
Failed on all counts.
We have talked some more, and I think some of the hurt has been soothed. I really hope I'm correct.
So... here I am: Single, lonely, wanting someone in my life. Here comes a girl who's not only cute and mad to play the two-backed beastie, but is a virgin and therefore most guys' fantasy. And I'm so freaked out by it that I wind up hurting her. I realize I can't dictate her emotions, and I know I did my best, and it was pretty much a no-win situation. But Jesus Christ, talk about your bad fucking luck. If all I do is innocent bed-warming with a girl and this is the outcome - I think that's a sign that Roy just isn't put together with the necessary tools to handle another person on any level.
Like I really NEEDED another hint.
On the upside... NyQuil rules. Chase it with gin sometime, you won't know what hit you.
QUOTE FOR THE DAY:
"Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound."
Queensryche, Another Rainy Night
Okay, let me see if I can get down what happened to me the other day.
The girl who I shared the bed with at the con last weekend... well, there's been a couple of revelations. We knew she was a con virgin and a Rocky virgin (both of which were cured last weekend) but it seems she's a REAL virgin too, and she's beyond ready to not be one anymore. I'm her choice for someone to take care of that little problem for her. She confessed via email that she's had a crush on me for a really long time - and she used the 'L' word.
SO... after Roy successfully suppressed the urge to sneak out of work, steal a car, and head to Canada, I tried to explain to her that while I'm attracted to her (and I am) I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO not ready emotionally to deal with anything that could be mistaken for a relationship. There's also three people who I'll use the 'L' word on, and one of them is my aunt.
She flipped. Well, she didn't flip (I've seen flipping, and that wasn't it), but she got very emotional. She cried. Further conversation revealed that she's never even had a real boyfriend. The bed we shared at the con was the first time she's shared a bed with someone besides her mom. I guess she had a guy she was really hung up on a couple of years ago and desperately wanted to sleep with him and he gave her pretty much the same spiel, just nastier. To be honest, I find that really strange because she's quite attractive. I think she came out of that with the self esteem of a Dorito chip.
I tried hard to explain that it wasn't a brush-off. I tried to make her understand that I wasn't even necessarily saying that nothing would ever happen, just that nothing was going to happen NOW. I did my best to make her feel attractive and desirable. I know that saying "It's not you, it's me" is usually code for "It's you" but that is really not the case here and I tried to make her understand that as well.
Failed on all counts.
We have talked some more, and I think some of the hurt has been soothed. I really hope I'm correct.
So... here I am: Single, lonely, wanting someone in my life. Here comes a girl who's not only cute and mad to play the two-backed beastie, but is a virgin and therefore most guys' fantasy. And I'm so freaked out by it that I wind up hurting her. I realize I can't dictate her emotions, and I know I did my best, and it was pretty much a no-win situation. But Jesus Christ, talk about your bad fucking luck. If all I do is innocent bed-warming with a girl and this is the outcome - I think that's a sign that Roy just isn't put together with the necessary tools to handle another person on any level.
Like I really NEEDED another hint.
On the upside... NyQuil rules. Chase it with gin sometime, you won't know what hit you.
QUOTE FOR THE DAY:
"Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound."
Queensryche, Another Rainy Night