Speechless
What good is having a friend who'll answer pretty much any question you ask, if you have no idea how to ask?
I love finding out all kinds of info about people, like their tastes in music and stuff, their reasons/motivations, whatever's on their mind. Normally, you have to sift through all the interactions you have with a person to learn what you want to know, because asking directly is... odd. It's usually only reserved for celebrities or other people who inspire rabid fandom where everyone wants to know the tiniest little thought.
Except, I wanna know all that about my friends. I don't have a list of questions to read off, and even if I did, it wouldn't necessarily be formatted right to get the in-depth response I want. There are ways to ask questions that lead to dialogue and conversation, and then there's my way, which doesn't always work. This is why I'm not a journalist.
If I say something like "Why do you like this song?", it achieves nothing. The typical response is "I dunno" or "I just do" or "I never really thought about it". Or I'll get an answer, but I either won't quite understand it, or they won't understand what I'm asking for, or I won't know exactly how to get at what I'm asking for.
Usually, if I spend enough time with a person I like talking to, I'll start building a framework to hang any bits of knowledge about them that I learn, eventually leading to a larger pattern that gives me a sense of who they are. However, I know this is only a start, filtered through my own perspective. I can't get at the heart of the person, their motivation, their triggers, etc. The most I can craft is a theory of them. The more I talk with them, the more I can fine-tune this theory, discard the wrong parts, etc. And this is only with people who are willing to talk.
Sometimes the things I ask are either vaguely worded, or they seem inane, or like something people ask when they don't want a real answer. And people don't generally ask me the types of questions that lead to the discussion I want, so I have no clue how it's done. When I'm asking "what kind of music do you like," I may be asking a simple question, but in the back of my mind, I'm aware of how many ways what a person listens to can reveal something about who they are, about the pattern that is this person. So this leads me to ask the vague question, "Why?".
Even worse, when I'm given the opportunity to ask what I want, to actually learn what I want, I'm suddenly speechless. I can't think of what to ask (or is it what to ask first), or how to ask it. It's like answering the question, "if you could have any one thing in the world, what would you want?". On first thought, you may answer something. However, if you're like me, there are so many different ways to even consider that question. There are so many things out there TO want, none of them more important than the others. So you start thinking deeper, following more paths. And simply picking ONE thing becomes a herculean task. You can try and pick out the pattern of things you want, a common theme. But then, there are many of those too. So things end up vague, indefinite, confusing, etc.
I guess it's the thought in the back of my mind that I don't want to bore the person or burden them with question after question. That I have a limited number of questions I can ask before they get bored with me. Like when asked if you could have any one thing, I have the automatic reaction that it would ONLY be that one thing that I get, so I better make it count. Like once I get that one thing, I'm done, no more goodies for me.
I apparently have no problem boring the anonymous masses with walls of text. Specifically, a wall of text that was about my inability to communicate. Appropriate, eh?
So, if you were to interview a good friend, what would you ask?
I love finding out all kinds of info about people, like their tastes in music and stuff, their reasons/motivations, whatever's on their mind. Normally, you have to sift through all the interactions you have with a person to learn what you want to know, because asking directly is... odd. It's usually only reserved for celebrities or other people who inspire rabid fandom where everyone wants to know the tiniest little thought.
Except, I wanna know all that about my friends. I don't have a list of questions to read off, and even if I did, it wouldn't necessarily be formatted right to get the in-depth response I want. There are ways to ask questions that lead to dialogue and conversation, and then there's my way, which doesn't always work. This is why I'm not a journalist.
If I say something like "Why do you like this song?", it achieves nothing. The typical response is "I dunno" or "I just do" or "I never really thought about it". Or I'll get an answer, but I either won't quite understand it, or they won't understand what I'm asking for, or I won't know exactly how to get at what I'm asking for.
Usually, if I spend enough time with a person I like talking to, I'll start building a framework to hang any bits of knowledge about them that I learn, eventually leading to a larger pattern that gives me a sense of who they are. However, I know this is only a start, filtered through my own perspective. I can't get at the heart of the person, their motivation, their triggers, etc. The most I can craft is a theory of them. The more I talk with them, the more I can fine-tune this theory, discard the wrong parts, etc. And this is only with people who are willing to talk.
Sometimes the things I ask are either vaguely worded, or they seem inane, or like something people ask when they don't want a real answer. And people don't generally ask me the types of questions that lead to the discussion I want, so I have no clue how it's done. When I'm asking "what kind of music do you like," I may be asking a simple question, but in the back of my mind, I'm aware of how many ways what a person listens to can reveal something about who they are, about the pattern that is this person. So this leads me to ask the vague question, "Why?".
Even worse, when I'm given the opportunity to ask what I want, to actually learn what I want, I'm suddenly speechless. I can't think of what to ask (or is it what to ask first), or how to ask it. It's like answering the question, "if you could have any one thing in the world, what would you want?". On first thought, you may answer something. However, if you're like me, there are so many different ways to even consider that question. There are so many things out there TO want, none of them more important than the others. So you start thinking deeper, following more paths. And simply picking ONE thing becomes a herculean task. You can try and pick out the pattern of things you want, a common theme. But then, there are many of those too. So things end up vague, indefinite, confusing, etc.
I guess it's the thought in the back of my mind that I don't want to bore the person or burden them with question after question. That I have a limited number of questions I can ask before they get bored with me. Like when asked if you could have any one thing, I have the automatic reaction that it would ONLY be that one thing that I get, so I better make it count. Like once I get that one thing, I'm done, no more goodies for me.
I apparently have no problem boring the anonymous masses with walls of text. Specifically, a wall of text that was about my inability to communicate. Appropriate, eh?
So, if you were to interview a good friend, what would you ask?