(no subject)

[nimirraangel]

Gods I’m a total mess right now. I had a migraine last night and today I have a stomachache. I finally figured out what it is that’s been stressing me into this though, it’s this whole Hiroshima and Peace thing.

Here is the problem. Or rather the list of problems.

1. If I go, I will be spending over 2000 dollars on the plane ticket alone. So in all it will be arounf 3000 dollars. I would have to work full time between now and my departure in order to even come close to that amount. Plus I wouldn’t be able to make my car payments to my parents at all.
2. If I go, I will be subjecting myself to classes of the most unpleasant nature. It is a historical and political type programme which is not precisely my cup of tea. Especially not all the stuff that we’ll be having to hear about the bombs. Bombs scare me.. especially THOSE bombs.
3. If I go, I will be going to Hiroshima. I am already sensitive enough as it is to psychic imprints and ghosts and the like. Imagine a city where everyone was killed in an instant. Imagine all the horrible horrible angry terrified and shocked spirits that must be there. And I’ve watched too many Japanese horror films >_<.
4. I don’t know if I am trying to convince myself that I don’t want to go because of the money, or if I don’t want to go because I don’t think the classes sound very good.
5. I wouldn’t be able to go to Otakon.

That’s the list. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t even know if I’m accepted or not, so it’s really not something I can really justify worrying about right now, but I am. That is just my nature. I worry about everything. There will be other opportunities, it’s just I’m making myself sick over this one.

In other news, my shoes dyed perfectly for Kirika, I just have to let them dry now and then paint the black accents onto them. Then I will be finished with every single thing I have to do for AZ. I’m still up in the air about going to AMA. I may go for a day if I do go, probably Saturday. That would be alright I guess. That is if I can find parking. It’s nice liking an hour and a half away from Richmond. Of course that’s only if I decide not to go to Japan (if I get accepted). If I do go to AMA I’d probably just wear Haruka … or maybe mooch a room to keep another costume in and change and stuff. It depends. I like having something new to take to a con each time, but I might just do that if I go for the day. I mean it’s just one day..

Then again, I might just use the money I would be using for that and get my own domain and hosting. WintersKnight.net.. I like the sound of it.

Otakon also if I decide not to go, I really kind of want to stay because of that too. Lind.. I mean that would be such a glorious costume!

Anyhow. I am a mess. I will get better soon, but I have to figure this out >_< Ugh.

Three days of work left!!!