Hail To the Chief!
Just when we thought that the voters had rejected the only woman candidate for US President, along comes another. We endorse this move to improve a campaign season that gets rougher by the day. Welcome to the White House race, Paris Whitney Hilton!
We must confess that our last review of this lady was not too favorable. This time, let’s play fair and compare.
- She’s quite clear about how she stacks up against her opponents: “I'm not from the olden days, and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot.”
- Mr. Obama wrote his autobiography while still in his 20s; so has Paris.
- Mr. McCain was a battered POW for 5½ years - coincidentally, in the “Hanoi Hilton”- while Paris has spent time in the Los Angeles County jail, and it was sheer torture. (She petitioned the Governor to be released from her extreme 45-day sentence because “It’s just not right!”)
- Mr. Obama is already planning his transition team for post-election work. Paris, with great foresight, has proposed painting the White House pink.
The Presidential candidate discusses how she will decorate the Oval Office.
- Like both candidates, she’s been accused of “playing the race card” in a video, and denies it.
- Like both the others, Paris hasn’t announced a Vice-Presidential running mate yet. Hillary Clinton might offer her services in that regard, but we think it should be a pair of equals rather than a rerun of the Hottie and the Nottie. Therefore we suggest Britney Spears for VP.
The proposed VP candidate explains rocket science in a lecture at MIT.
There is no name for her party yet. Again, we dare to offer a suggestion: the Party Hearty.
She does have one major disadvantage, of course. By law, the President must be at least 35 years old, and she's 27. An exception should be made. A Paris Hilton campaign is just too rich to pass up.
[photos: Sportsvideos, Britney Spears’ Semiconductor Guide]
We must confess that our last review of this lady was not too favorable. This time, let’s play fair and compare.
- She’s quite clear about how she stacks up against her opponents: “I'm not from the olden days, and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot.”
- Mr. Obama wrote his autobiography while still in his 20s; so has Paris.
- Mr. McCain was a battered POW for 5½ years - coincidentally, in the “Hanoi Hilton”- while Paris has spent time in the Los Angeles County jail, and it was sheer torture. (She petitioned the Governor to be released from her extreme 45-day sentence because “It’s just not right!”)
- Mr. Obama is already planning his transition team for post-election work. Paris, with great foresight, has proposed painting the White House pink.
The Presidential candidate discusses how she will decorate the Oval Office.
- Like both candidates, she’s been accused of “playing the race card” in a video, and denies it.
- Like both the others, Paris hasn’t announced a Vice-Presidential running mate yet. Hillary Clinton might offer her services in that regard, but we think it should be a pair of equals rather than a rerun of the Hottie and the Nottie. Therefore we suggest Britney Spears for VP.
The proposed VP candidate explains rocket science in a lecture at MIT.
There is no name for her party yet. Again, we dare to offer a suggestion: the Party Hearty.
She does have one major disadvantage, of course. By law, the President must be at least 35 years old, and she's 27. An exception should be made. A Paris Hilton campaign is just too rich to pass up.
[photos: Sportsvideos, Britney Spears’ Semiconductor Guide]