Bits and pieces that get torn up and tossed aside
So... today as I was packing away bits and pieces of my life (or throwing them away) I came across actual little bits and pieces of my life. For PRIDE, I guess, we had to do this thing. We got 3 slips of 4 different colored paper and we had to write down 3 of our qualities, 3 people who matter in our life, 3 objects that matter, and 3 organizations (or something there aboots) in our life... as I pieced those 12 slips of paper back together... I remembered which ones I tore up first and which ones I tore up last. What's even funnier, excluding Snowball (which was the second to last thing I tore up) the things/people that were easiest for me to give up in my life, are the things that haven't left me. And the people/things that were hardest for me to tear up, are the people who let me go so easily... it hurt in those moments that I sat there staring at all those pieces of paper as they were blatent reminders that I'm wrong about life. The last piece of paper I tore up, I'm not going to say what it was... but the thing that I wanted to give up the least in my life, the thing that I had fought for the most, didn't fight for me at all in the end... I didn't cry, which is a surprise, but it cut the deepest. It's weird, you know. You spend so much of your life fighting for something or someone, waiting for them, changing for them, and in the end...you're really nothing to them at all. You're quickly becoming part of their past, the part that just doesn't last. Shit. Everything except for Snowball I've lost. Well, and my ability to make people laugh. 12 slips and I have 1 material object, 1 person, and 1 quality left... and sometimes I question about that one person. The other two, I know I'm part of the past that they'll revisit from time to time, but I'm hardly apart of their present.
Even when I fought to be apart of that last slips life... that last slip never fought for me. That's what I think hurts the most (not the most, but you get what I'm trying to say), is when someone isn't willing to drop the gloves to keep you in the ring...after you've broken a couple of ribs and shit.
Lessons for the week:
- Packing up your shit is painful. Don't walk down Nostalga Lane unless you've got a fucking bodygaurd.
- Never ruin an excuse with an apology. It's your fault you did something, face up to it, asshole, and admit you were wrong. Then right it.
- Sometimes people pull away just to see if you'll fight for them. They want to know that your words aren't just sugarcoated. They want to know that you really feel what they're feeling.
- Always fight for the ones you don't want to lose. And if you're not willing to fight for them, leave as soon as you make that realization. The longer you stick around, the thicker the attachment and the harder it is to let go.
Even when I fought to be apart of that last slips life... that last slip never fought for me. That's what I think hurts the most (not the most, but you get what I'm trying to say), is when someone isn't willing to drop the gloves to keep you in the ring...after you've broken a couple of ribs and shit.
Lessons for the week:
- Packing up your shit is painful. Don't walk down Nostalga Lane unless you've got a fucking bodygaurd.
- Never ruin an excuse with an apology. It's your fault you did something, face up to it, asshole, and admit you were wrong. Then right it.
- Sometimes people pull away just to see if you'll fight for them. They want to know that your words aren't just sugarcoated. They want to know that you really feel what they're feeling.
- Always fight for the ones you don't want to lose. And if you're not willing to fight for them, leave as soon as you make that realization. The longer you stick around, the thicker the attachment and the harder it is to let go.