Not quite the first post I was hoping for....
The last few weeks has been particlarly hard for me. I have lost someone I love. It is hard because I still see her, but every time I do there is no love there for me. This is not the first time (not the first time with her either), but each time this happens it just gets harder.
I have my faults, and it is those faults that have turned people I love away. I am trying, but things like this only make it harder. I thought that things might finally be different with her.
I think about her constantly. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could pretend that the last 5 months didn’t happen, like it seems she can. I cannot just forget, especially when I have loved so deeply.
Yes, I was cheated on. I was cheated on last time as well. All I could do was forgive her, and move on. I still can’t remember what happened after that. It is a blur in my memory. All I remember is that we broke up. She said she needed time, and that she wanted to get back together with me. But now when I see her, I know that wasn't true. I cannot say how I know, but I just do. I’m a little odd like that.
All I know is that I still want her back. I know everything screams out that I shouldn’t, but I still love her. I still ache inside. Part of me still likes being around her, but the other part just wants to lay in bed and cry. Cry my heart out.
I know she is still with the person she cheated on me with. He couldn’t wait to paste it all on his blog, and then lost a friend becasue of his actions. Now he acts if if losing a friend makes up for the fact he broke up our relationship. He even gets sympathy for losing the friend. What he forgets is that if he didn’t broadcast what he did to the entire web, he wouldn’t have lost that friend. If he hadn’t thought with his dick in the first place, he would still have his friend and we might still be together. I guess I still am a little bitter toward him, but I know that he will get what is coming.
I cannot blame him completely though. He was just the catalyst. Our relationship may have still broken up. I would like to think otherwise, that I would have been able to do something before if came to that. I know I can play endless possibilities out in my head, but that would lead to nothing. I cannot seem to move on either. I am stuck. I have been told there is someone out there who wants to ask me out, but right now I can’t even consider that.
I hate being single, but right now I have no other choice. I know it isn’t good for me. I live alone, and I am afraid I will turn into one of those hermits that never venture outside. I only have occasional work, but when I do work I throw myself into it, in an effort to forget. That doesn’t work very well, but it is the best distraction I have right now.
I gave her a letter today. A letter telling her that I still loved her. I see one of two possibilities: she either feels the same way (at least a little), or it scares her off completely. Neither of which would result in us getting back together. I am still hopeful.
Well I just got off the phone from my father as I am typing this. Apparently my grandmother is dying. Things just keep getting worse.
Well, this wasn’t the first post I was hoping to make, but I need to get things out, even if it is just to a blank screen. I’ll try to make the next ones better than this.
I have my faults, and it is those faults that have turned people I love away. I am trying, but things like this only make it harder. I thought that things might finally be different with her.
I think about her constantly. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could pretend that the last 5 months didn’t happen, like it seems she can. I cannot just forget, especially when I have loved so deeply.
Yes, I was cheated on. I was cheated on last time as well. All I could do was forgive her, and move on. I still can’t remember what happened after that. It is a blur in my memory. All I remember is that we broke up. She said she needed time, and that she wanted to get back together with me. But now when I see her, I know that wasn't true. I cannot say how I know, but I just do. I’m a little odd like that.
All I know is that I still want her back. I know everything screams out that I shouldn’t, but I still love her. I still ache inside. Part of me still likes being around her, but the other part just wants to lay in bed and cry. Cry my heart out.
I know she is still with the person she cheated on me with. He couldn’t wait to paste it all on his blog, and then lost a friend becasue of his actions. Now he acts if if losing a friend makes up for the fact he broke up our relationship. He even gets sympathy for losing the friend. What he forgets is that if he didn’t broadcast what he did to the entire web, he wouldn’t have lost that friend. If he hadn’t thought with his dick in the first place, he would still have his friend and we might still be together. I guess I still am a little bitter toward him, but I know that he will get what is coming.
I cannot blame him completely though. He was just the catalyst. Our relationship may have still broken up. I would like to think otherwise, that I would have been able to do something before if came to that. I know I can play endless possibilities out in my head, but that would lead to nothing. I cannot seem to move on either. I am stuck. I have been told there is someone out there who wants to ask me out, but right now I can’t even consider that.
I hate being single, but right now I have no other choice. I know it isn’t good for me. I live alone, and I am afraid I will turn into one of those hermits that never venture outside. I only have occasional work, but when I do work I throw myself into it, in an effort to forget. That doesn’t work very well, but it is the best distraction I have right now.
I gave her a letter today. A letter telling her that I still loved her. I see one of two possibilities: she either feels the same way (at least a little), or it scares her off completely. Neither of which would result in us getting back together. I am still hopeful.
Well I just got off the phone from my father as I am typing this. Apparently my grandmother is dying. Things just keep getting worse.
Well, this wasn’t the first post I was hoping to make, but I need to get things out, even if it is just to a blank screen. I’ll try to make the next ones better than this.