can we ever go back??
Moving back to Calgary....hmmmm....This solution is not very probable, I am afraid. Everything that went bad between my husband and I happened in Calgary. Regardless of how much I miss everyone there and, yes, our lives were *somewhat* organized there, I am scared to go back for the same reasons we left. I cheated on my husband. I betrayed his trust in me and I almost lost everything because of my deception. All in a stupid and confused attempt to "forget" all the problems we had financially and emotionally. I know what I did was wrong on so many levels, but being AWAY from that whole bad chapter and everything that caused me to even enter into that state of mind is turning out to be better for our marriage. We are talking and communicating and things are actually beginning to look up. James is working and I might be able to get on with the same company...(if i can get this stupid ass printer working so I can get a copy of my resume....ARGGG...but let's not go there right now)...and rent is soooo much cheaper here. We are even looking at renting a house with a yard.
Yes, I desperately miss my friends and their kids....but that is all I miss. I don't miss the 2 hour trip on the bus to get ANYWHERE, I don't miss the horrific prices at the grocery stores, I don't miss the whole "land of user fees" crap in that province. One day, we might go back....but not right now. Once everything is worked out and I get Anthony toilet trained, then all is fine. He doesn't really need "special schools" anymore....he is doing really good with feeding and dressing and all the "little things". Get a few paycheques and we can get our ID switched over and health care is already switched. Christmas is looking really good right now. We'll worry about everything else later. I see a light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in over a year. And I am starting to believe that I am a worthy person again. You have no idea how completely useless I felt for so long. I didn't feel like I deserved my family. The constant worry about how I was gonna keep Anthony warm and fed was almost more than I could handle. He deserves parents that he can count on, and being in Kamloops (for the time being) helps us to get back on our feet and to figure out what we need to do to survive and keep AJ with us and healthy.
I can't even begin to think about moving to Alberta right now. I am too busy trying to keep my head above the water.
Yes, I desperately miss my friends and their kids....but that is all I miss. I don't miss the 2 hour trip on the bus to get ANYWHERE, I don't miss the horrific prices at the grocery stores, I don't miss the whole "land of user fees" crap in that province. One day, we might go back....but not right now. Once everything is worked out and I get Anthony toilet trained, then all is fine. He doesn't really need "special schools" anymore....he is doing really good with feeding and dressing and all the "little things". Get a few paycheques and we can get our ID switched over and health care is already switched. Christmas is looking really good right now. We'll worry about everything else later. I see a light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in over a year. And I am starting to believe that I am a worthy person again. You have no idea how completely useless I felt for so long. I didn't feel like I deserved my family. The constant worry about how I was gonna keep Anthony warm and fed was almost more than I could handle. He deserves parents that he can count on, and being in Kamloops (for the time being) helps us to get back on our feet and to figure out what we need to do to survive and keep AJ with us and healthy.
I can't even begin to think about moving to Alberta right now. I am too busy trying to keep my head above the water.