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A/N: Prompt: Ledge. This trio is growing on me. Ellen’s story this time. A bit of it at least. 1062 words.
Playing House
Contrary to what everyone thought, it was Anton who introduced Ellen to Macky, and not the other way around. “Of course people would like to believe the other story,” Ellen thought as she slipped a last bobby pin into her updo. An ( Read more... )
There are some minor grammar issues sprinkled throughout, but seeing as I am your editor quite a few of the weeks, I think I will take a break from pointing out the minutiae and let your other editor take that duty as she sees fit. I will confine my comments to the concrit this week.
As always, you have a polished piece this week. Your characters seem comfortable and the dialogue is solid. I guess that leaves me to wonder about the framework of this story. Who is the audience? This reads like it has the focus and polish of a short work, but it is obviously part of a novel. This means that it is slightly out of place. I urge you to turn your talents to stand-alone pieces, or to broaden your plot and concentrate less on character-driven work. If this is part of a longer novel, you are in danger of getting bogged down in the details of the scene. If you are concentrating on producing short work, then you have the necessary skills to try something new; you don't have to rely on characters from a longer work.
I don't really have any more advice other than that. You are a good writer, and I'd just like to see you challenge yourself and get to the next level. Playing it safe is fine, though, and your stories are always a guaranteed good read.
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I was trying to use this prompt to see if I could flesh out some characters for what was originally intended to be a short story. Then the scene ran away with itself.
Will keep critique in mind for next week.
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