(Untitled)

[niliwen]

Prompt: Vamos. Finally up for reading: life from young Azucena Torralba’s point of view. 602 words.

What’s In a Name?

“What sort of people live here?”

Azucena shook her head, once again unable to give a good answer. The scrawny teenager’s dark eyes drifted to the reeking hill just a stone’s throw away from where she stood at the muddy intersection

Comments

[bluegerl]

Poor child. But so many of them, in so many shanty towns. Too many. At least she gave herself a dream - to live as 'Alouette'... Gentil Alouette, the happy swallow! Thank you Nili, Lovely.

[niliwen]

Alouette actually means "Lark" in French. It's a literary reference (which really isn't a good one as Alouette was used as a bit of an insult to a certain child in a certain book). Azucena isn't aware of the ramifications of the name Alouette or Jondrette.

[bluegerl]

Don't know the book you mention... be we sing here the Alouette song when the first swallows arrive, as towns are not really conducive to larks!!!

Oh dear, poor lass, is she going to stain herself with this dream?

[niliwen]

Ahh. The book actually is Les Miserables. Alouette is a nickname given to an orphan character Cosette by her abusive guardians, the Thenardiers. Jondrette is a sobriquet the Thenardiers take on several years later in their life of crime.

No. Azucena has no idea as to the literature behind the names. Though her brother Everett might have a clue.

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hello! I'm one of your editors this week!

As always, we'll begin with SPaG. Corrections are in brackets; empty brackets denote a deletion:

- [.][T]he thought came to her[,] unbidden[,] as she wiggled her bare toes in the murk.

- ... a place of the forgotten and those better (best?) [left] forgotten.

- a few weeks ago, a whole bunch of men in blue had chased some young men into this hill[ ] and dragged them out by their feet.

-do the people who live here work, or don’t work?” I try not to pick on dialogue since it is possible that the grammar is intentional, but this is phrased awkwardly. A more preferable way to put this might be: Do the people who live here work or don't they?

-She had seen them all: children with brown skin like her[s], hungry travelers with fair hair and pallid[,] thin faces, wizened crones with their backs curved into grotesque humps, and of course the young men with their breath reeking of alcohol mixed with juice and thinner, and their callused hands that liked to make their way under girls’ skirts. This

Re: Your BF edit!

[niliwen]

Definitely it's inspired by Les Mis; obviously Azucena's brother has at least heard of the book, but our dear protagonist has no idea how (not) apt her nickname is.

[cedarwolfsinger]

Sad, scary, and very depressing. Well written -- and very different from the characters I've seen you write before.

[niliwen]

Thanks for the comment!

Yes, Azucena is different (she's from the same universe though as Claude and Fran) maybe because she's had it hard.