Fic: Numb3rs: Bump in the Road (gen)
Title: Bump in the Road
Author : Nilitara
Fandom : Numb3rs
Characters/Pairing : Don, Megan, Billy
Spoiler : vague for Primacy (sequel of sorts to ‘Coping Mechanism’ and ‘Letting go’)
Rating : FRT
Words Count: ~3’300
Summary : Billy is unreachable and Don’s in a bad place. Megan helps.
Warning : Mention of cutting
Disclaimer : The characters and settings are not mine but the property of their creators.
Note: I began this years ago, when the episode first aired and it wasn’t supposed to be a sequel to the other fics but that’s where my mind went to when I got back to it a few days ago.
Bump in the Road
Don let his front door slam behind him as he finally came home. He felt so exhausted, physically and mentally, that he couldn’t care less if his neighbors weren’t all that happy with him for waking them up. It was late, or early depending on how you looked at it, and he was in no mood for subtlety.
He took his gun and badge off and secured them before getting rid of his jacket and his shoes. He was wired up and he knew he was going to do something stupid and he couldn’t. His brother and father’s recrimination were still ringing through his head, as in a loop, and it was getting harder to resist doing exactly what he knew would make them shut up.
He took his phone with trembling hands, adrenaline having left him a little while ago, and pushed the very familiar number. As he was listening to the ring tone, he felt the need getting clearer and clearer but no one was answering and the pre recorded message finally arrived. Shit! He couldn’t… he couldn’t resist alone, not this time, not after what just happened. He needed someone to talk him off the edge but who else could he call.
He hesitated. He didn’t want to, he didn’t want someone else to know but he had no choice. He need was making his finger hitch and he didn’t want to do it. Finally, he pressed the call button but, once again, his call went straight to the answering machine. This time, though, he left a message, hoping it would be received soon.
“Megan, it’s Don. I… I need help, please.”
He couldn’t say anything else, the words, that would explain exactly what was going on in his head, refused to leave his mouth. He hung up, and breathed heavily. He knew he wouldn’t be able to resist long and his gaze fell on the bathroom door, knowing exactly what he would find inside.
*
Megan jogged down the hall, hurrying towards the door. She rang the bell the moment the skidded to a halt, not taking the time to catch her breath, worry growing inside of her with each passing seconds. There was no answer, no sound to be heard inside, and she was getting quite desperate. She couldn’t shake the feeling something was very wrong with her boss, especially after hearing the message he left her. She had seen it only minutes after she had received it but the moment she heard the quality of his voice, and the words uttered, she knew she had to do something fast. She had tried to call back, but there had been no answer.
So there she was, trying to get inside his apartment and, quite frankly, if he didn’t answer soon, she would have to use some less than legal means to enter because there was absolutely no chance in hell she was going to let him spend the night alone in the state of mind he was in.
Unfortunately, she found herself forced to pick the lock and, as she did so, she prayed none of the neighbor would have the good idea to check out what was happening. She didn’t want them to call the cops and then have to explain why an FBI agent was trying to break into her boss’ flat.
Thirty seconds later, she was in and reached out to switch the light on. She already knew Don was in the bathroom, the darkness of the apartment having left no doubt where the light from under the door came from, so she went straight there, hoping for the best and expecting the worse.
And the worse she got. Blood running down her boss’ left arm and a blade, thankfully abandoned several steps away, as if Don had thrown it away after realizing what he had done. He looked up to her once he realized the door had been opened and she saw only shame in his eyes. No trace of tears or pain, even though she was certain his arm must have been killing him, but shame.
“I had promised Coop I would never do that again,” he whispered to her, as if having heard her unspoken question of why.
Megan forcefully shoved all of her questions and worries in the back of her mind to become exactly what Don needed at this moment, someone efficient and reassuring, the psychologist in her face to face with her patient. She looked around and reached for towels. Once she had them in hand, she crouched down in front of him and took his injured arm to apply them on it, compressing the cuts to try and stop completely the bleeding, which had thankfully gone down to a mere trickle already before she had arrived.
“I’m sure he will understand,” she answered calmly, never mind the fact she had no idea who Coop was and what his reaction would be once he learnt what happened; it was the only answer he could handle right now.
Don was still looking at her, trying to gauge whether or not she was being sincere, but he was in such a state he was absolutely unable to judge her demeanor. He was so tired he couldn’t think straight. The urge to cut had calmed down the moment he had finished on his arm and thrown the blade away from him, after realizing what he had done. He was feeling so ashamed about having succumbed to the lure of blood he couldn’t even look at the blade without wanting to throw up, less alone taking it in hand and slice through his flesh again. Of course, he knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long. Whether it was days, weeks or even months, the urge would be back one day or another.
He let Megan take care of him. He knew it only meant he would feel even more ashamed of himself in the morning but, for the moment, he needed her. That was why he had called her. Out of all of his team, he knew she was the one who would understand what was happening, what he needed and he was right. She wasn’t trying to get him to talk, wasn’t reprimanding him for hurting himself, was just taking care of the cuts, the same way Coop had done it the very first time.
And during all of this, he was talking out loud, not even noticing he was voicing his thoughts, telling Megan about Coop and how he had found out his habits, helping him take care of it. Megan made no comment, refusing to help him realize he was talking, because he knew it was better for him to voice all of this and, maybe, it would tell her what to do to help.
She was right because, by the time she had him cleaned up, bandaged and in bed, she knew exactly what she had to do. She stayed by his bedside until he was asleep, having tired himself out, and she stayed for a while for, watching his chest rise and drop.
*
Megan eased herself out of the bedroom, tiptoeing, hoping not to wake Don up. He had fallen asleep about half an hour ago and, while she could have left immediately, she had preferred waiting for him to slip into a deep sleep, so her movements wouldn’t jog him awake. After all, her boss needed sleep more than anything else right now. Besides, she would feel more at ease making that particular phone call if she was sure he wasn’t going to hear, not wanting him to stress over the answer on the other end of the line.
She had skillfully appropriated his cell phone without him noticing, to get the right number and, once she was certain she had been able to leave without making Don stir, she sighed in relief. She just hoped there would be no bad news on the other’s part.
She scrolled down, through Don’s list of contact until she found the one she was looking for. She hesitated for a second, not sure how her boss would take her doing this without his express consent, but she knew it was the right call. It was what he needed right now, and she could handle him being mad at her for a while, as long as he was alright.
Her correspondent answered on the third ring.
“Hey, Don!” came the tired voice at the other end and Megan felt slightly bad she was only going to add to his wariness, but it had to be done.
“Agent Cooper, this is Megan Reeves,” she introduced herself quickly. “I’m part of Don’s team?”
“What happened? Is he alright?”
The worry was clear in Coop’s voice and Megan hurriedly reassured him.
“He’s alright, he’s sleeping right now. It’s… I’m more worried about his mental state once he wakes up, to tell the truth. He tried to call you last night.”
There was a few seconds of silence on the other end of the line and then…
“I couldn’t answer. Things have been hectic. Why did he try to call?”
Megan knew he was hoping for something to do with a case, where Don would have needed his competence as an agent. Unfortunately, she couldn’t tell him that.
“He told me he usually calls you when the urge becomes too strong. He… he cut himself last night. I was here before he was able to do too much damage and did treat the cut, there is no risk of infection or anything but… I think he needs you right now. Not for stopping but… He needs to know he hasn’t disappointed you.”
The advantage of being a profiler was an intimate knowledge of how the human mind worked and it made her capable of understanding how the symptoms manifested. She doubted Don would need to cut again so soon, especially considering the release was muted by his fear that it would affect his relationship with Cooper.
“Shit,” Coop swore. “Okay. Okay, I have finished my hunt. I’m supposed to go back to HQ right now but I’m going to call them, tell them I’m taking a few days. There have been on my case about it for so long, there will be no problem. I should be in LA in a few hours. Can you stay with him until I get there?”
He had never met Megan but if she had stayed with him all that time and was actually calling him, then it meant she really cared about Don and it was all that mattered right now, all that Don really needed at the moment.
“Of course. I’ll tell him you’re on your way if he wakes up before you get here. He was really exhausted.”
After a few niceties that she could feel he really wanted to pass on, she hung up and called Larry, apologizing for going back on their plan. She told him something had come up and she couldn’t meet him but she would explain later on. She hated to put him in the middle of it, but she couldn’t let Charlie put all the blame for the danger Amita had been put in on Don. The young woman had been the one to choose to help and it wasn’t Don’s fault things had taken a turn for the worse in the middle of it.
Now, she just had to occupy herself until Cooper arrived or Don woke up, whichever happened first.
......
As Megan had predicted, Don was still sleeping soundly when she heard someone knock on the door, which not only proved how much he needed the rest, but also how quickly Cooper had been capable of coming. She had no idea where he had been, exactly, when he had received her phone call, but it hadn’t taken him too long to arrive.
“He’s still sleeping,” she told him as she let him in the door, before even introducing herself, interpreting correctly what the glimmer in his eyes meant. “Megan Reeves.”
“Billy Cooper, but everyone call me Coop. What can you tell me?”
She wasn’t all that keen on talking to someone who was virtually a stranger to her, especially not concerning her boss, but she could see his worry, written plainly on his face, and she could at least give him a quick summary of what had transpired the last few days.
She told him about the case they had just finished, where it had taken them, and how they had needed to use Amita to solve it. She told him how the young woman had found herself in danger and how Alan and Charlie had decided to hold Don responsible for it, never mind that Amita had been the one to choose to help. She could see the flash of anger on his face and, quite frankly, she couldn’t blame him. God knows she was pretty off herself. She did like Charlie and Alan, they were wonderful people, and she could understand the worry they had felt when Amita had been in danger, she had too, but blaming Don - when he was already blaming himself at that - wasn’t fair at all.
“I’m going to go now,” she said, having finished her story. “I’m sure he will be more comfortable if you two are alone. And I’m going to see if I can manage to talk some sense into Charlie. Tell Don I will see him on Monday.”
Coop nodded his agreement and thanked her, hoping she would be able to reach to Charlie because, while Coop would be doing all he could to help - of course he would - he knew that nothing would be alright for Don before Charlie and Alan had both come around. He loved them too much for that.
Sighing, he made his way into the bedroom, entering silently. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adapt to the darkness of the room and, once he was capable to see once again, his gaze was immediately attracted to the white bandage on Don’s arm, that Megan must have fixed before she put him to bed. God, he hated seeing it, hated that he had been out of reach at a moment when Don had needed him, but he knew it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t always be reachable, he knew that. It was part of the job.
He padded into the room and sat down at the edge of the bed, carefully avoiding jolting it too much. He didn’t want Don to wake up brusquely, thinking there was something wrong. He looked at his friend and waited, knowing it wouldn’t be long until Don woke up, sensing someone gaze’s on him. He wasn’t wrong.
It was only a few minutes later that Don began to emerge from his sleep, taking a moment to remember where he was, what had happened and why his arm was hurting so much until the memories of the night before came back and he groaned, knowing Megan had seen everything and knew now exactly how fucked up he was.
“Well, that’s not how you usually manage to get your female partner in bed, but there is nothing wrong with a change of strategy,” Coop kidded, hoping a joke would diffuse the awkwardness that would probably creep up anytime now.
The sound of his voice startled Don, who was honestly not expecting his friend to be there, and he turned to face Coop immediately, eyes wide.
“Coop! What are you doing here?” he exclaimed, happy to see his friend, and forgetting for a moment the event of the night before.
He sat down on the bed, not bothering to feel embarrassed by the fact his friend would see him still half-asleep. It was, after all, not the first time, seeing the number of times they had shared a room on the road.
“Agent Reeves called me. She was worried about you. And you have apparently be telling tales about me. Should I be worried about my reputation, Eppes?”
“Maybe?” Don joked back before his eyes caught the while on his arm and he realized the bandage was very visible.
He blanched and made a sudden movement to hide it under the cover, knowing it was perfectly useless, that his old partner had already seen it anyway. He didn’t dare rise his eyes again, unable to meet Coop’s gaze.
Coop nearly sighed out loud. Megan had been right after all. Don was afraid of his reaction and he really didn’t like that one bit. Still, he wasn’t going to let it show, as if wouldn’t help the matter at all.
“It’s alright, Donny,” he said, resorting to the old nickname to try and show some affection, which was thankfully not too difficult when it pertained to Don.
“I promised you,” Don whispered, as it was exactly what condemned him, what made what he did unforgivable.
“You tried, Don. Hell, you even tried to call me. That’s what’s important. You could also blame me for not picking up.”
“It’s not your fault,” Don exclaimed vehemently. “You can’t always be there in the case something happened. If you’re on the field, you can’t afford the distraction and you can’t always pick up your phone. I should be able to resist on my own.”
He felt as if he had failed Coop and that was something that killed him, as if he had failed his father or brother, which he had also done at that. God, he was pathetic. He sighed, dropping his head in his arms.
He felt the bed dip and, suddenly, there was an arm across his shoulder blades and he couldn’t help it, he let himself seek the warmth of Coop’s body because it was something that had always felt nice, had always comforted him and, for a moment, it didn’t matter if it was childish because he knew Coop just didn’t care. Still, it shouldn’t be Coop’s job to take care of him.
“God, you shouldn’t have to humor me when I’m acting like a baby.”
Coop snorted. Don and he had a pretty different definition of what it meant to act like a baby.
“I don’t. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same for Charlie,” Coop said, not certain if bringing his brother up at the moment was a good idea, seeing the current state of the relationship but he was apparently worried for nothing.
“He’s my kid brother. Of course, I would do that for him.”
“Well, you’re the closest I’ve got,” Coop said, finishing his argument to prove his point.
Don looked up to him suddenly, stunned. Sure, he had known that Coop liked him, had even taken him under his wings, like a mentor, once they had begun their partnership, but a kid brother? Really? The surprise must have shown on his face because Coop chuckled.
“See, next time you wonder how I’m going to react, just ask yourself what you would do if it was Charlie.”
Don smiled slightly and nodded. Okay, he could do that and, at last, he knew what Coop must feel right now.
“So you’re not disappointed?” he still asked, just to make sure.
“Worried only. And now, I have a few days free so why don’t you catch me up on what has been going on around here?”
Don nodded again and made a move to get up.
“Just let me take a shower first.”
Coop watched him gather some clothes and make his way to the bathroom but then, Don just froze in the doorway and turned back to look at Coop, hesitating.
“You’re going to be just fine,” Coop reassured him and Don smiled and went in.