I typed six words just now
I was super bored today while patiently awaiting the spectacular rave that is going down tonight and upon sitting around, i noticed the box for one of my christmas gifts. This is a 'jumper pack' for my car that is basically a portable battery for jumping a car. It lists off a bunch of features that this incredible device comes with and various characteristics that would give this thing a leg up on what ever competition there is in this buisness.
Here are all the features, and my thoughts on each.
Model J 900
Comfortable Sure-Grip Handle - This is a very basic plastic cut out. im pretty sure that i could drop this if i wanted to. According to the packaging tho, it is SURE-grip. hmmm. However, im glad it is comfortable. This way when my numb hands grab it out of my trunk it at least wont hurt my hands on the 5 foot quest to the front of my car.
Rotating Safety Storage Holders - I guess safety is always a good thing, but why do they need to rotate? mabye some people are just to lazy to rotate the handle of the jumper cord 35 more degrees. Its good they had engineers developing these rotators! If they didnt, some hard working americans might have to use their head, God-forbid!
Charge Level Indicator Lights - Honestly, this is one sweet feature, you dont get left with an uncharged car battery AND an uncharged jumper pack.
Durable Thermo Plastic Case - OK. This one is definantly talked up a little bit so some morons will think this took some serious technology to develop. No. It means it is insulated. That's it. It is smart of them tho, that way my battery wont explode on me. :-)
Flexible Heavy-Duty Cables - What makes them heavy-duty? if they say so i guess...
Heavy-Duty Clamps - OK this is probably the most over-used descriptive word in selling a product. they could just say 'strong' but no, its 'heavy-duty'.
12 Volt DC Power Outlet - I can actually use this!
Large Test Switch - I was almost speachless. In fact this is the feature that inspired this whole thing. well its good it's a BIG test switch. That way all the elderly citizens that are almost blind can see that their battery pack is still useable before they get into their cars! Oh wait a minute, a joke! Why did helen Keller get into a car accident!? It's not because she is BLIND!!!!! The competition battery pack probably had a small test switch, and that is why santa brought me this one!
.5 Amp Charger and Extension Cord - Good more technical garbage that people will think is advanced english, thus selling this product to them.
WOW. Here is a list of amazing features that the have forgotten:
Bright Yellow Coloring - This way it looks like a technilogical advancement and not just a BATTERY! You will be able to see it burried in your trunk for when you kill you car and it is late at night!
Color Coded Cables and Clamps - There is actually two opposite charges in batteies, believe it or not!
Super Conductive Wiring - Sometimes called...Copper!
Textured Body Unit - It will feel different than other yellow casings with cables coming out of them that you may happen to have in the back of your trunk.
Directions in Three Languages - we all kill our cars!
JET is awesome, they are like a mix of the Beatles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Rooney, and a lot of Aerosmith!
Here are all the features, and my thoughts on each.
Model J 900
Comfortable Sure-Grip Handle - This is a very basic plastic cut out. im pretty sure that i could drop this if i wanted to. According to the packaging tho, it is SURE-grip. hmmm. However, im glad it is comfortable. This way when my numb hands grab it out of my trunk it at least wont hurt my hands on the 5 foot quest to the front of my car.
Rotating Safety Storage Holders - I guess safety is always a good thing, but why do they need to rotate? mabye some people are just to lazy to rotate the handle of the jumper cord 35 more degrees. Its good they had engineers developing these rotators! If they didnt, some hard working americans might have to use their head, God-forbid!
Charge Level Indicator Lights - Honestly, this is one sweet feature, you dont get left with an uncharged car battery AND an uncharged jumper pack.
Durable Thermo Plastic Case - OK. This one is definantly talked up a little bit so some morons will think this took some serious technology to develop. No. It means it is insulated. That's it. It is smart of them tho, that way my battery wont explode on me. :-)
Flexible Heavy-Duty Cables - What makes them heavy-duty? if they say so i guess...
Heavy-Duty Clamps - OK this is probably the most over-used descriptive word in selling a product. they could just say 'strong' but no, its 'heavy-duty'.
12 Volt DC Power Outlet - I can actually use this!
Large Test Switch - I was almost speachless. In fact this is the feature that inspired this whole thing. well its good it's a BIG test switch. That way all the elderly citizens that are almost blind can see that their battery pack is still useable before they get into their cars! Oh wait a minute, a joke! Why did helen Keller get into a car accident!? It's not because she is BLIND!!!!! The competition battery pack probably had a small test switch, and that is why santa brought me this one!
.5 Amp Charger and Extension Cord - Good more technical garbage that people will think is advanced english, thus selling this product to them.
WOW. Here is a list of amazing features that the have forgotten:
Bright Yellow Coloring - This way it looks like a technilogical advancement and not just a BATTERY! You will be able to see it burried in your trunk for when you kill you car and it is late at night!
Color Coded Cables and Clamps - There is actually two opposite charges in batteies, believe it or not!
Super Conductive Wiring - Sometimes called...Copper!
Textured Body Unit - It will feel different than other yellow casings with cables coming out of them that you may happen to have in the back of your trunk.
Directions in Three Languages - we all kill our cars!
JET is awesome, they are like a mix of the Beatles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Rooney, and a lot of Aerosmith!