The Art Of Not Listening
"You can always tell a Milford Man" - Arrested Development
I am an eavesdropper. Sometimes, I find out things people don't always know I'm picking up on and use it to my advantage. I don't really look like an authority figure, and my physical description sounds pretty nondescript in a sea full of creative people - so it's not hard to be a spy. Especially when I don't tell everyone what it is that I do. So I hear things. Sometimes too many things.
To be fair, I'm not usually the one that likes to be the center of attention. I had a year or two where I tried it out and thought maybe it was something I enjoyed. But truthfully, it's fun to lurk in the shadows and be mostly ignored. (It's also fun to dabble in irony.)
Once, for an acting class, we had to go to a public place, eavesdrop on someone's conversation, and then reinterpret it as a scene. I remember sitting at Borders and hearing a wife talking to a guy she paid to spy on her husband, because she suspected something was up. We didn't make that shit up - we'd stumbled on scene gold that day. Other times, we weren't so lucky: we'd stumble upon the craziest conversation, only to realize that the subjects were people were in the same acting class. (What can I say? The acting community in SF is pretty tight-knit.)
Recently, it's felt a bit overwhelming. I used to monitor chat conversations at work, and now I've learned to pick and choose those battles. (It's about akin to when Jim Carrey could hear everyone's prayers in Bruce Almighty.)
"Okay, I should have made some kind of dent by now!" - Bruce Almighty (2003)
When we live in a society where people are airing their dirty laundry EVERYWHERE, it becomes very tiring to be a human wiretap. We can spy on each other's histories, past and present - and it's not only welcomed, but expected (and encouraged!), in some instances. This is the benefit and drawback of having virtual documentation, representation of a passing vent session, or capturing a necessary selfie. Your life is on constant display, and as Lady Gaga said to Anderson Cooper once, you get to art-direct every moment of it.
Lady Gaga on Anderson Cooper, 60 Minutes, 2011
Pics, or it didn't happen, tag or you're not in it - amirite, internetz?
Don't get me wrong - it's very hard for me to exist without my phone, or Pandora, or iTunes. I have a hard time keeping away from the information highway - be it my work email, my phone, or Facebook. I like documenting things, so that others can be more aware of their existence. I also like meeting up with close friends and hashing out problems in public places. These are all things that help all of us feel a bit more connected, a bit more in tune with the world, especially in times of loneliness, confusion and doubt.
But, maybe for the sake of a little sanity, I've started putting my headphones on, even when I don't always have music playing. I've started wearing ear plugs, just so I can hear the beat of my own heart. Having the extra cushion between my ears and the rest of the world is a weird comfort. Life is noisy sometimes, and I can't always hear myself think. And for the sake of some perspective and reflection, sometimes I just want some quiet. Even if only for a moment.