last minute ornery
Of course, some 8 or 9 hours before I am to head to the airport, I am fiddling with some technical things, feeling in a bit of a weird funk for this long plane ride that will be the journey home. Going off on a trip always seems to involve some temporary "lasts" -- doing the laundry, cleaning the house, trying to wrap up some last minute projects that I most likely will not get to, once I am shore-bound.
I don't know how I feel about going home. Maybe because the last time I was home, it involved an interview that felt, although educational, ultimately not an opportunity I wanted to pursue. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off choosing that opportunity -- but then I wouldn't be here now, would I?
Perhaps it is these moods amidst my half-packed luggage that makes me feel awkward in this place I'm about to leave. The clutter suddenly feels suffocating, and then the thought that I'm going to be surrounded by even more of it feels a bit overwhelming. Is it sad that I am going home to help my parents' with their new home adjustment? Because I am able to? Why even perceive it as something negative?
I don't know how I feel about going home. Maybe because the last time I was home, it involved an interview that felt, although educational, ultimately not an opportunity I wanted to pursue. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off choosing that opportunity -- but then I wouldn't be here now, would I?
Perhaps it is these moods amidst my half-packed luggage that makes me feel awkward in this place I'm about to leave. The clutter suddenly feels suffocating, and then the thought that I'm going to be surrounded by even more of it feels a bit overwhelming. Is it sad that I am going home to help my parents' with their new home adjustment? Because I am able to? Why even perceive it as something negative?