Jensen's Tiny New Friend
Title : Jensen's Tiny New Friend
Rating : PG13 for some naughty words and a smooch at the end
Characters/Pairing : Jared/Jensen
Genre : J2 (Gen up until the very end)
Wordcount : 11,700 total
Summary : Jensen's mom buys him a tiny dog.
Warning : This is meant to be humorous, so just a heads up that Jensen is very OOC. He's meant to be that way for comic effect.
Disclaimer : I do not own these really really hot men. Everything I say about them is a lie (unfortunately).
I want to thank Ulysses3_de and LeiaDianaMinerva for being my betas. Leave any comments you want to:)
Jensen’s Tiny New Friend
So it wasn’t like he was constantly on the phone to his mama complaining that he was lonely or anything. He had friends. Lots of friends. Friends up here in Vancouver, friends down in LA, friends all over the place really.
Granted ninety-five percent of those friends were rednecks, semi-alcoholics, insane or all of the above. Not that there was anything wrong with that. But still.
Maybe he did call up his mama every once in a blue moon to chat about what she and the family and their friends were doing, but every good son did that. It was important to keep those mother-son bonds strong.
Like the heartwarming conversation they had shared yesterday for example.
“Hey mama. How’re things down in the great state of Texas?”
“Hey baby, they’re doing just as good as they were yesterday when you called. How’re things with you?”
“Well, ya know, they’re alright I guess.” Jensen heaved a large sigh theatrically.
“Uh huh. So how are things really?”
“Jared spends all his time either on the phone with Sandy or playing with his dogs. And ever since Mike and Tom got together all they’ve been doing is scre *cough* uh holding hands. And I do not want to be in the same room as them when they’re holding hands. I walked in on them doing that once and the image was seared into my retinas for a week afterward.”
“I see.”
“I dunno, maybe I should try to find a new girlfriend.”
Jensen’s mama made a strange noise like she had just choked on her own spit. Except that couldn’t have been it, because Jensen’s mama was a lady and ladies didn’t do things like that.
“A girlfriend? Really sweetheart? Have you ever thought of branching out a little? Expanding your horizons?”
“What? Like dating a foreign girl?”
There was a long moment of silence before his mama answered. “That isn’t exactly what I meant sweetie, but you just do whatever you think will make you happy. And just know that your father and I will love you just the same no matter what you decide.”
“Well thanks I guess,” Jensen replied perplexed. “That’s good to know.”
He hadn’t been sure why his mama was acting so strange, but she was his mama, so he was sure she had a good reason. Although come to think of it, maybe she was thinking just in case he started to date a French girl. His daddy was an open minded guy, but he was a Texan. And though he could tolerate the French better than most, he probably wouldn’t love the idea of having a French daughter-in-law. Yeah, that must’ve been what she meant.
*********************************************************
They had an hour break for lunch and Jared was playing with his dogs again when he could have been playing with Jensen. Wait. No. Playing PS2 with Jensen, that’s what he meant to say. He was definitely overtired.
Now don’t get him wrong, Jensen loved Sadie and Harley. Really he did. It’s just that between them and Jared it could get a little noisy. And maybe Jensen wanted to take a nap to counteract his overtiredness. Not right this second or anything, but sometime. Someday. Maybe.
And it wasn’t like he was the only one bothered by the racket they made as evidenced by the shouting that was occurring right now. “What the hell is all that freakin’ noise?! I’m trying to figure out what the hell Sam and Dean are gonna be wearing today. So unless you want them to be naked, you’d better shut the…”
The yelling was abruptly cut off as Sheila the costume lady saw the two canine puppies and the one human puppy who had been the cause of the aforementioned ruckus. Instantly her frown melted away. “Aw, I didn’t know it was my little snoogum-pies. Jared,” her hands went to her hips though the smile on her face only grew bigger, “Why didn’t you tell me my little sugarpups were here?”
Damnit. Well Sheila had always been kind of a softy, period. Well not to people, but to animals and Jared? Oh yeah.
Nonetheless, the point was that when Jared teamed up with his mutts they were always causing chaos everywhere they went. Like the four horsemen or something. Well three horsemen. Minus the horses. And the evil. Some of the evil. The evilest parts of the evil. Plus they smelled bad. All of ‘em. Shut up.
*********************************************************
That night after an exhausting day being covered in red corn syrup and thrown into a tree numerous times (have to get all of those different angles after all) he and Jared were finally dropped back at their hotel. They dragged their tired bodies into the overly modern art deco styled lobby.
Jared with the incentive of seeing his puppies since they had been taken home by his dog sitter earlier and Jensen with the incentive of watching the episode of America’s Next Top Model that he had TiVoed.
And he didn’t just watch it to see all of the new fashions. It was a good show. Well maybe not so much good as attention grabbing. Sort of like watching a car wreck. A car wreck involving bitchy anorexic cars.
“You wanna come over and hang with me and the pups for awhile?” Jared drawled as they stepped onto the elevator.
“Nah too tired tonight man. I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”
“Really? Not gonna watch your model show?” Jared asked with a sly look.
Jensen scowled. “Just 'cause I’ve seen it a few times doesn’t mean I’m a devoted viewer.”
“Whatever man,” Jared laughed. “I’ve seen your TiVo settings. It’s all Top Model, Tyra, Oprah and Rachel Ray.”
“I hate you.” Jensen turned his head so he was staring at the side of the elevator opposite Jared. “I’m not talking to you anymore.”
“Aw come on Jen. Don’t be mad,” Jared coaxed with one of his magnetic dimpled grins which Jensen could still unfortunately see since the sides of the elevator were all mirrored. “I’ll spot you five points next time we play basketball.”
Jensen considered before declaring, “Ten.”
“Done.” The elevator doors opened and the two of them got off on the floor with their two penthouses. They meandered together companionably bumping shoulders before reaching their doors which were directly across from one another. The barking behind Jared’s door was both immediate and deafening.
“I’ll see you tomorrow morning Jay.”
“Sure thing Jen. Enjoy your show.” Jared stepped inside, but ducked his head back out before Jensen had even gotten his door open. “By the way Jen.”
Jensen turned back to look at him as he finally managed to get his keycard to work. “Yeah?”
“I woulda gone up to fifteen.” His grin magnified briefly before he shut his door.
“Son of a mother!” Jensen swore. Well not swore technically speaking, but it was as close as he got to actual swearing.
His mother may have been 2335.83 miles away (it’s possible he may have been so bored one day that he actually mapquested it), but he still wasn’t going to risk it. Having his mouth washed out with soap once was more than enough for him. It didn’t taste nearly as good as it smelled.
*********************************************************
The hotel phone rang, interrupting Jensen watching two Twiggy look-alikes bitching each other out over some power bars. One of them totally had a weird eye. It was like bigger than the other one or something.
“Gosh darn it all to heck,” he complained half heartedly as he was way too tired to summon up any additional energy no matter how annoyed he was. He glanced over at the hotel phone as the ringing continued and grudgingly hauled himself up off of the sofa to answer it.
The fact that it was ringing at all was kind of weird. The only use it ever saw was him ordering room service and the extremely occasional call seeking permission for a guest not on his pre-approved list to be allowed up.
“Hello?”
“Good evening Mr. Ackles, I’m very sorry to disturb you, but there’s a gentleman here with a delivery for you. Would you like me to send him up?”
“Um…” Jensen hesitated. He was sleepy and in the middle of his show and he really didn’t feel like dealing with anybody. Even if it was just a five second encounter with a delivery guy. “Could you just hold the package for me instead and I can grab it when I come back tomorrow night?”
“Ah,” the desk clerk paused as he tried to remain faithful to his ‘the guest always gets whatever the hell he wants’ policy while still getting his point across. “I’m very sorry Mr. Ackles, but I’m afraid that the front desk is unable to hold this particular sort of delivery overnight without any advanced warning.”
“What do you mean ‘this particular sort of delivery’?”
“Well, it’s apparently a gift from your mother, Sir and when she phoned me a few minutes ago I was instructed by her not to tell you what this particular delivery was. I’m very sorry.” The clerk was obviously uncomfortable caught between pleasing his guest and pleasing his guest’s much more formidable mother.
“Alright, well I guess you may as well send up the delivery guy then.”
“Right away sir.” The desk clerk hung up and Jensen was once again left to his own thoughts. What the hell kind of a package would they refuse to hold at the front desk for him? It could be really huge, he supposed. Or, ick, maybe something smelly. Jensen really hoped not, he had a very sensitive sense of smell.
And it wouldn’t be anything illegal. Would it? No, he figured, not from his mom. Maybe if it was from Mike or Chris or that guy who lived one floor below him that always smelled like a Snoop Dog concert-goer, but not his mom. Hopefully.
Finally a knock on his door interrupted his ruminating and he quickly moved to open it. He turned the handle and was faced with a young man. There was no way he could have been any older than his mid twenties (and probably wasn’t even that old), since he apparently couldn’t even grow a full beard.
It was obvious that he was trying, because his facial hair had moved beyond the stubble stage that Jensen so often sported as Dean. But it still wasn’t long enough to call a beard and it was noticeably scraggly and patchy in a lot of places.
Jensen finally managed to look beyond the “beard” and he found the rest of the guy to be just as bad. The guy was wearing a green polo and khakis, so the company he worked for obviously had some sort of uniform/dress code thing going on. However, though he was following the letter of the law he had pretty much just pissed onto the spirit and maybe onto his khakis a little bit too. It didn’t look like anyone had ever taught him the little end of the piss jiggle.
So sad, but that’s what happened when boys grew up without male role models. He had also apparently grown up without anyone teaching him how to wash his clothes. The guy’s shirt had more wrinkles than a pug and his two size too big pants had a hole in the seam and dirt stains on the knees.
Jensen sighed silently. “So you have some sort of package for me?” He asked the guy who he noticed was also twitching excessively. The kid was jittering from his head to his toes. Either he really had to pee (which Jensen was hoping wasn’t the case, because there was no way Mr. Can’t Aim His Dick was going to use his bathroom), he was on drugs (which Jensen was also hoping wasn’t the case, because last time he’d seen someone on drugs twitch that much the guy had ended up trashing an entire room), or he had severe anxiety (which was what Jensen was rooting for, though it was a sad thing when the best option was a serious mental illness).
“Uh yeah,” the guy reached over to his side and grabbed a largish plastic box which was sitting next to a couple more large boxes. A largish plastic box with a small wire door on the front. A largish plastic box with a small wire door on the front and a large reddish colored lump inside of it. A large reddish colored lump that somehow knew how to bark like a dog. Like a dog, Jensen thought. Slowly the reality of what the box and the large reddish lump really were began to dawn on him. It wasn’t a lump at all, it was a dog. A little reddish colored dog.
“Why are you trying to hand me a dog?” Jensen asked in bewilderment. He watched as the kid simply set the dog carrier down on the entryway floor next to him.
“I dunno man, yours is the address on the delivery slip and I’m pretty sure that’s your name on the card too.” He gestured at the small white envelope taped to the top of the kennel, which did indeed have Jensen Ackles printed on it.
Jensen grabbed the envelope and ripped it open carelessly. Apparently he was more agitated by this whole mystery than he had thought. He never ripped things open; he had always been partial to the neat conformity of letter openers.
Dear Jenny Bean,
I know you’ve been feeling a bit lonely, so I decided to buy you a cute little friend to keep you company. Someone who can give you lots of cuddles since I’m not there to give them to you myself. He’s a Miniature Pinscher and his name is Mr. Wiggles. I’m sure the two of you will be the best of friends.
Love Mama
“Mr. Wiggles?” Jensen repeated disbelievingly.
The delivery guy Jensen had just secretly dubbed Twitchy shrugged. “I didn’t name him.”
“Who did? A ten year old girl on crack?”
“Nah man, the breeder chick who sold him to you.” Twitchy rubbed at his unfortunately large nose with his hand and Jensen shuddered when he saw that it came away with something shiny and wet on it. “I was lookin’ through one of the boxes and there’s a bunch of paperwork that came with him in one of ‘em. The little bio the breeder wrote said she named him that 'cause he wiggles a lot. And the Mister thing is probably 'cause he’s a boy dog.”
“Ah. Right. I’m very glad you were able to explain that to me or else I may not have figured it out. Thanks,” Jensen replied with as much sarcasm as he could muster. Which was definitely a lot. And why the hell had the guy been looking through his box anyway? Wasn’t that against the rules? Whatever. It’s not like they were filled with priceless gems.
“No problem dude, enjoy your dog.” Twitchy obviously wasn’t able to understand the intricacies of sarcasm. He coughed in what he probably considered to be a discrete manner into his hand and started to twitch even more heavily.
Obviously he was expecting a tip. Considering that he had managed to deliver the dog without killing it Jensen was inclined to give him one. He just wasn’t real big on touching Twitchy’s hand.
Deciding that the best way to handle this was to get rid of Twitchy before dealing with the whole dog thing, Jensen grabbed a twenty out of the wallet he had left sitting on the entryway table and sort of tossed it to him.
Amazingly, despite the jittering, he caught it, said thanks and was quickly on his way leaving Jensen with two large boxes of dog stuff and one dog. He couldn’t help but glance longingly at the TV.
*********************************************************
“I’m not sure that you understand what I’m saying here.” Jensen looked at the skinny little dog who was currently lying sedately in the middle of his green bedspread.
It was a King size mattress, so it wouldn’t have been impossible for the two of them to share. It wasn’t like Jensen was some sort of nuclear waste mutated freak of a giant like Jared who owned a California King and still took up the whole thing.
And Jensen wasn’t a selfish guy. He’d gone to kindergarten and done quite well too. He had forever been sharing his crayons (Even though the other little kids were absolute savages and kept breaking them.), his lunch (His mother had always packed too much food and even in kindergarten Jensen had lived in fear of looking like Joey Parker who was twice the size of everyone else, though that had come in handy later on in middle and high school when he had started to grow into himself at least a little bit and joined the football team. Apparently the tackling guys were supposed to be bigger.) and his glue (When he wasn’t rubbing it onto the back of his hand to make a snakeskin or eating it.).
At any rate he could share. It’s just that the dog he sighed quietly, Mr. Wiggles, had copious amounts of fur. It was very short haired fur, but he could already see pieces of it lying on his bedspread taunting him.
It was all fine and good that Mr. Wiggles had fur. He pulled the fur look off nicely. But Jensen’s bedspread was made of silk, not fur and he meant to keep it that way.
“Look Mr. Wiggles, you seem like a perfectly okay guy, but you just can’t sleep on my bed.” Jensen stared at Mr. Wiggles and Mr. Wiggles stared back without even raising his head. “See,” Jensen gestured to the corner of his bedroom, “it’s not like I’m trying to make you sleep in a pile of garbage or even in your little box thing. I made you a really nice bed.”
And it was a really nice bed actually. Jensen wasn’t even lying. He’d sacrificed one of his practically brand new couch cushions of dark gray velvet and the coordinating azure throw made of cashmere. Hell it might very well be more comfortable than his actual bed. But that wasn’t the point. He didn’t care if the dog was more comfortable than him, in fact it wouldn’t bug him at all.
As much as he complained about Jared’s dogs sometimes, what with the slobber and the barking and such he really did secretly like them. They, like all dogs, were just too sweet and friendly to hate. Sure they could be mildly irritating, but so could Jared and he could never hate Jared. Hating Jared would be like hating, well like hating a puppy dog and vice versa.
He was pretty sure that made sense, although it was coming up on one o’clock in the morning and he had been up since five am. And, in fact, had to be up again at five tomorrow or was it today now? Damnit he wanted to go to bed. He looked again at the tiny little dog curled up on his bed. Apparently said dog was fast asleep.
Jensen yawned widely and decided that screw it, he was going to be getting rid of the annoying little mini mutt tomorrow anyway. So he’d have to deal with one night’s worth of fur on his bed. How much could something that small actually shed in one night. With that last thought he slipped under the covers and joined Mr. Wiggles in slumber.
Part 2 : http://nilequeenpatty.livejournal.com/2855.html#cutid1
Rating : PG13 for some naughty words and a smooch at the end
Characters/Pairing : Jared/Jensen
Genre : J2 (Gen up until the very end)
Wordcount : 11,700 total
Summary : Jensen's mom buys him a tiny dog.
Warning : This is meant to be humorous, so just a heads up that Jensen is very OOC. He's meant to be that way for comic effect.
Disclaimer : I do not own these really really hot men. Everything I say about them is a lie (unfortunately).
I want to thank Ulysses3_de and LeiaDianaMinerva for being my betas. Leave any comments you want to:)
Jensen’s Tiny New Friend
So it wasn’t like he was constantly on the phone to his mama complaining that he was lonely or anything. He had friends. Lots of friends. Friends up here in Vancouver, friends down in LA, friends all over the place really.
Granted ninety-five percent of those friends were rednecks, semi-alcoholics, insane or all of the above. Not that there was anything wrong with that. But still.
Maybe he did call up his mama every once in a blue moon to chat about what she and the family and their friends were doing, but every good son did that. It was important to keep those mother-son bonds strong.
Like the heartwarming conversation they had shared yesterday for example.
“Hey mama. How’re things down in the great state of Texas?”
“Hey baby, they’re doing just as good as they were yesterday when you called. How’re things with you?”
“Well, ya know, they’re alright I guess.” Jensen heaved a large sigh theatrically.
“Uh huh. So how are things really?”
“Jared spends all his time either on the phone with Sandy or playing with his dogs. And ever since Mike and Tom got together all they’ve been doing is scre *cough* uh holding hands. And I do not want to be in the same room as them when they’re holding hands. I walked in on them doing that once and the image was seared into my retinas for a week afterward.”
“I see.”
“I dunno, maybe I should try to find a new girlfriend.”
Jensen’s mama made a strange noise like she had just choked on her own spit. Except that couldn’t have been it, because Jensen’s mama was a lady and ladies didn’t do things like that.
“A girlfriend? Really sweetheart? Have you ever thought of branching out a little? Expanding your horizons?”
“What? Like dating a foreign girl?”
There was a long moment of silence before his mama answered. “That isn’t exactly what I meant sweetie, but you just do whatever you think will make you happy. And just know that your father and I will love you just the same no matter what you decide.”
“Well thanks I guess,” Jensen replied perplexed. “That’s good to know.”
He hadn’t been sure why his mama was acting so strange, but she was his mama, so he was sure she had a good reason. Although come to think of it, maybe she was thinking just in case he started to date a French girl. His daddy was an open minded guy, but he was a Texan. And though he could tolerate the French better than most, he probably wouldn’t love the idea of having a French daughter-in-law. Yeah, that must’ve been what she meant.
*********************************************************
They had an hour break for lunch and Jared was playing with his dogs again when he could have been playing with Jensen. Wait. No. Playing PS2 with Jensen, that’s what he meant to say. He was definitely overtired.
Now don’t get him wrong, Jensen loved Sadie and Harley. Really he did. It’s just that between them and Jared it could get a little noisy. And maybe Jensen wanted to take a nap to counteract his overtiredness. Not right this second or anything, but sometime. Someday. Maybe.
And it wasn’t like he was the only one bothered by the racket they made as evidenced by the shouting that was occurring right now. “What the hell is all that freakin’ noise?! I’m trying to figure out what the hell Sam and Dean are gonna be wearing today. So unless you want them to be naked, you’d better shut the…”
The yelling was abruptly cut off as Sheila the costume lady saw the two canine puppies and the one human puppy who had been the cause of the aforementioned ruckus. Instantly her frown melted away. “Aw, I didn’t know it was my little snoogum-pies. Jared,” her hands went to her hips though the smile on her face only grew bigger, “Why didn’t you tell me my little sugarpups were here?”
Damnit. Well Sheila had always been kind of a softy, period. Well not to people, but to animals and Jared? Oh yeah.
Nonetheless, the point was that when Jared teamed up with his mutts they were always causing chaos everywhere they went. Like the four horsemen or something. Well three horsemen. Minus the horses. And the evil. Some of the evil. The evilest parts of the evil. Plus they smelled bad. All of ‘em. Shut up.
*********************************************************
That night after an exhausting day being covered in red corn syrup and thrown into a tree numerous times (have to get all of those different angles after all) he and Jared were finally dropped back at their hotel. They dragged their tired bodies into the overly modern art deco styled lobby.
Jared with the incentive of seeing his puppies since they had been taken home by his dog sitter earlier and Jensen with the incentive of watching the episode of America’s Next Top Model that he had TiVoed.
And he didn’t just watch it to see all of the new fashions. It was a good show. Well maybe not so much good as attention grabbing. Sort of like watching a car wreck. A car wreck involving bitchy anorexic cars.
“You wanna come over and hang with me and the pups for awhile?” Jared drawled as they stepped onto the elevator.
“Nah too tired tonight man. I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”
“Really? Not gonna watch your model show?” Jared asked with a sly look.
Jensen scowled. “Just 'cause I’ve seen it a few times doesn’t mean I’m a devoted viewer.”
“Whatever man,” Jared laughed. “I’ve seen your TiVo settings. It’s all Top Model, Tyra, Oprah and Rachel Ray.”
“I hate you.” Jensen turned his head so he was staring at the side of the elevator opposite Jared. “I’m not talking to you anymore.”
“Aw come on Jen. Don’t be mad,” Jared coaxed with one of his magnetic dimpled grins which Jensen could still unfortunately see since the sides of the elevator were all mirrored. “I’ll spot you five points next time we play basketball.”
Jensen considered before declaring, “Ten.”
“Done.” The elevator doors opened and the two of them got off on the floor with their two penthouses. They meandered together companionably bumping shoulders before reaching their doors which were directly across from one another. The barking behind Jared’s door was both immediate and deafening.
“I’ll see you tomorrow morning Jay.”
“Sure thing Jen. Enjoy your show.” Jared stepped inside, but ducked his head back out before Jensen had even gotten his door open. “By the way Jen.”
Jensen turned back to look at him as he finally managed to get his keycard to work. “Yeah?”
“I woulda gone up to fifteen.” His grin magnified briefly before he shut his door.
“Son of a mother!” Jensen swore. Well not swore technically speaking, but it was as close as he got to actual swearing.
His mother may have been 2335.83 miles away (it’s possible he may have been so bored one day that he actually mapquested it), but he still wasn’t going to risk it. Having his mouth washed out with soap once was more than enough for him. It didn’t taste nearly as good as it smelled.
*********************************************************
The hotel phone rang, interrupting Jensen watching two Twiggy look-alikes bitching each other out over some power bars. One of them totally had a weird eye. It was like bigger than the other one or something.
“Gosh darn it all to heck,” he complained half heartedly as he was way too tired to summon up any additional energy no matter how annoyed he was. He glanced over at the hotel phone as the ringing continued and grudgingly hauled himself up off of the sofa to answer it.
The fact that it was ringing at all was kind of weird. The only use it ever saw was him ordering room service and the extremely occasional call seeking permission for a guest not on his pre-approved list to be allowed up.
“Hello?”
“Good evening Mr. Ackles, I’m very sorry to disturb you, but there’s a gentleman here with a delivery for you. Would you like me to send him up?”
“Um…” Jensen hesitated. He was sleepy and in the middle of his show and he really didn’t feel like dealing with anybody. Even if it was just a five second encounter with a delivery guy. “Could you just hold the package for me instead and I can grab it when I come back tomorrow night?”
“Ah,” the desk clerk paused as he tried to remain faithful to his ‘the guest always gets whatever the hell he wants’ policy while still getting his point across. “I’m very sorry Mr. Ackles, but I’m afraid that the front desk is unable to hold this particular sort of delivery overnight without any advanced warning.”
“What do you mean ‘this particular sort of delivery’?”
“Well, it’s apparently a gift from your mother, Sir and when she phoned me a few minutes ago I was instructed by her not to tell you what this particular delivery was. I’m very sorry.” The clerk was obviously uncomfortable caught between pleasing his guest and pleasing his guest’s much more formidable mother.
“Alright, well I guess you may as well send up the delivery guy then.”
“Right away sir.” The desk clerk hung up and Jensen was once again left to his own thoughts. What the hell kind of a package would they refuse to hold at the front desk for him? It could be really huge, he supposed. Or, ick, maybe something smelly. Jensen really hoped not, he had a very sensitive sense of smell.
And it wouldn’t be anything illegal. Would it? No, he figured, not from his mom. Maybe if it was from Mike or Chris or that guy who lived one floor below him that always smelled like a Snoop Dog concert-goer, but not his mom. Hopefully.
Finally a knock on his door interrupted his ruminating and he quickly moved to open it. He turned the handle and was faced with a young man. There was no way he could have been any older than his mid twenties (and probably wasn’t even that old), since he apparently couldn’t even grow a full beard.
It was obvious that he was trying, because his facial hair had moved beyond the stubble stage that Jensen so often sported as Dean. But it still wasn’t long enough to call a beard and it was noticeably scraggly and patchy in a lot of places.
Jensen finally managed to look beyond the “beard” and he found the rest of the guy to be just as bad. The guy was wearing a green polo and khakis, so the company he worked for obviously had some sort of uniform/dress code thing going on. However, though he was following the letter of the law he had pretty much just pissed onto the spirit and maybe onto his khakis a little bit too. It didn’t look like anyone had ever taught him the little end of the piss jiggle.
So sad, but that’s what happened when boys grew up without male role models. He had also apparently grown up without anyone teaching him how to wash his clothes. The guy’s shirt had more wrinkles than a pug and his two size too big pants had a hole in the seam and dirt stains on the knees.
Jensen sighed silently. “So you have some sort of package for me?” He asked the guy who he noticed was also twitching excessively. The kid was jittering from his head to his toes. Either he really had to pee (which Jensen was hoping wasn’t the case, because there was no way Mr. Can’t Aim His Dick was going to use his bathroom), he was on drugs (which Jensen was also hoping wasn’t the case, because last time he’d seen someone on drugs twitch that much the guy had ended up trashing an entire room), or he had severe anxiety (which was what Jensen was rooting for, though it was a sad thing when the best option was a serious mental illness).
“Uh yeah,” the guy reached over to his side and grabbed a largish plastic box which was sitting next to a couple more large boxes. A largish plastic box with a small wire door on the front. A largish plastic box with a small wire door on the front and a large reddish colored lump inside of it. A large reddish colored lump that somehow knew how to bark like a dog. Like a dog, Jensen thought. Slowly the reality of what the box and the large reddish lump really were began to dawn on him. It wasn’t a lump at all, it was a dog. A little reddish colored dog.
“Why are you trying to hand me a dog?” Jensen asked in bewilderment. He watched as the kid simply set the dog carrier down on the entryway floor next to him.
“I dunno man, yours is the address on the delivery slip and I’m pretty sure that’s your name on the card too.” He gestured at the small white envelope taped to the top of the kennel, which did indeed have Jensen Ackles printed on it.
Jensen grabbed the envelope and ripped it open carelessly. Apparently he was more agitated by this whole mystery than he had thought. He never ripped things open; he had always been partial to the neat conformity of letter openers.
Dear Jenny Bean,
I know you’ve been feeling a bit lonely, so I decided to buy you a cute little friend to keep you company. Someone who can give you lots of cuddles since I’m not there to give them to you myself. He’s a Miniature Pinscher and his name is Mr. Wiggles. I’m sure the two of you will be the best of friends.
Love Mama
“Mr. Wiggles?” Jensen repeated disbelievingly.
The delivery guy Jensen had just secretly dubbed Twitchy shrugged. “I didn’t name him.”
“Who did? A ten year old girl on crack?”
“Nah man, the breeder chick who sold him to you.” Twitchy rubbed at his unfortunately large nose with his hand and Jensen shuddered when he saw that it came away with something shiny and wet on it. “I was lookin’ through one of the boxes and there’s a bunch of paperwork that came with him in one of ‘em. The little bio the breeder wrote said she named him that 'cause he wiggles a lot. And the Mister thing is probably 'cause he’s a boy dog.”
“Ah. Right. I’m very glad you were able to explain that to me or else I may not have figured it out. Thanks,” Jensen replied with as much sarcasm as he could muster. Which was definitely a lot. And why the hell had the guy been looking through his box anyway? Wasn’t that against the rules? Whatever. It’s not like they were filled with priceless gems.
“No problem dude, enjoy your dog.” Twitchy obviously wasn’t able to understand the intricacies of sarcasm. He coughed in what he probably considered to be a discrete manner into his hand and started to twitch even more heavily.
Obviously he was expecting a tip. Considering that he had managed to deliver the dog without killing it Jensen was inclined to give him one. He just wasn’t real big on touching Twitchy’s hand.
Deciding that the best way to handle this was to get rid of Twitchy before dealing with the whole dog thing, Jensen grabbed a twenty out of the wallet he had left sitting on the entryway table and sort of tossed it to him.
Amazingly, despite the jittering, he caught it, said thanks and was quickly on his way leaving Jensen with two large boxes of dog stuff and one dog. He couldn’t help but glance longingly at the TV.
*********************************************************
“I’m not sure that you understand what I’m saying here.” Jensen looked at the skinny little dog who was currently lying sedately in the middle of his green bedspread.
It was a King size mattress, so it wouldn’t have been impossible for the two of them to share. It wasn’t like Jensen was some sort of nuclear waste mutated freak of a giant like Jared who owned a California King and still took up the whole thing.
And Jensen wasn’t a selfish guy. He’d gone to kindergarten and done quite well too. He had forever been sharing his crayons (Even though the other little kids were absolute savages and kept breaking them.), his lunch (His mother had always packed too much food and even in kindergarten Jensen had lived in fear of looking like Joey Parker who was twice the size of everyone else, though that had come in handy later on in middle and high school when he had started to grow into himself at least a little bit and joined the football team. Apparently the tackling guys were supposed to be bigger.) and his glue (When he wasn’t rubbing it onto the back of his hand to make a snakeskin or eating it.).
At any rate he could share. It’s just that the dog he sighed quietly, Mr. Wiggles, had copious amounts of fur. It was very short haired fur, but he could already see pieces of it lying on his bedspread taunting him.
It was all fine and good that Mr. Wiggles had fur. He pulled the fur look off nicely. But Jensen’s bedspread was made of silk, not fur and he meant to keep it that way.
“Look Mr. Wiggles, you seem like a perfectly okay guy, but you just can’t sleep on my bed.” Jensen stared at Mr. Wiggles and Mr. Wiggles stared back without even raising his head. “See,” Jensen gestured to the corner of his bedroom, “it’s not like I’m trying to make you sleep in a pile of garbage or even in your little box thing. I made you a really nice bed.”
And it was a really nice bed actually. Jensen wasn’t even lying. He’d sacrificed one of his practically brand new couch cushions of dark gray velvet and the coordinating azure throw made of cashmere. Hell it might very well be more comfortable than his actual bed. But that wasn’t the point. He didn’t care if the dog was more comfortable than him, in fact it wouldn’t bug him at all.
As much as he complained about Jared’s dogs sometimes, what with the slobber and the barking and such he really did secretly like them. They, like all dogs, were just too sweet and friendly to hate. Sure they could be mildly irritating, but so could Jared and he could never hate Jared. Hating Jared would be like hating, well like hating a puppy dog and vice versa.
He was pretty sure that made sense, although it was coming up on one o’clock in the morning and he had been up since five am. And, in fact, had to be up again at five tomorrow or was it today now? Damnit he wanted to go to bed. He looked again at the tiny little dog curled up on his bed. Apparently said dog was fast asleep.
Jensen yawned widely and decided that screw it, he was going to be getting rid of the annoying little mini mutt tomorrow anyway. So he’d have to deal with one night’s worth of fur on his bed. How much could something that small actually shed in one night. With that last thought he slipped under the covers and joined Mr. Wiggles in slumber.
Part 2 : http://nilequeenpatty.livejournal.com/2855.html#cutid1