Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.
I thought my biggest concern was supposed to be postpartum depression? Lately, I'm more worried that I'm suffering from prepartum depression. Is that even possible?
*sigh* Maybe it's just stress. I do tend to get really stressed out more-so than is necessary. I worry too much, get too anxious and stress out over everything. Is that just my personality? Sometimes I wonder if that's how I will always be. Yay for a life full of ulcers, uncontrollable sobbing and mood swings?
I guess it could be worse and that this isn't really all the unexpected. After Bubby was born and passed away, I was really, really depressed. But I mean, that was expected right? How many people can bounce right back after something like that? I felt guilty for a long long time, but I mean, come one. My baby died. It's not as if it was just one of my other miscarriages, and i feel horrible saying that, but with Bubby he was here, I gave birth to him and then just like that I was holding him and he died.
How should I feel about that? That was 2 years ago. 2 years. Should I be over it now? Should I be moving on?
I know I'm expecting a new, perfectly healthy little boy now. I know he is alright and that in less than 2 months he will be here in my arms, but I can't shake this aching fear in the back of my mind the I'll be holding him and he'll die too.
I'm just being paranoid. I'm just being afraid and overly cautious. But is that all? Am I?
I think I'll feel so much better when I can just hold Vincent and know he's okay. Count all of his toes, fingers, etc.. and make sure he's OK. Then maybe I'll be better about this all.
For right now, I'm just sick to my stomach. I throw up from the stress. My ulcers are back and I really don't know how to fix this.
There are so many "If's"
IF we had more money.
IF we had a bigger place.
IF we had a better car.
IF we had more time.
All of these things that we really can't change right now.
I can't work, mostly because I'm on modified bed rest, but also because no one is going to hire someone who is 8 months pregnant. I have job prospects for AFTER he is born, but that isn't helping us right now.
If we only had everything NOW instead of later.
On top of all of this, I miss my family. Scratch that. I do miss my family, but I really, really miss my mom.
How can I expect to be a mom? I've had a baby, but have never been a mother. I am 5 hours away from the most important people in my life. I am 5 hours away from my support system.
I cry. I can't sleep. My hair is falling out.
I just want to go home. I want my mom to be there for advice, or if I just need someone to talk too.
I know my home is wherever my husband is, and I don't regret staying here. I just am at the point now where I don't know how much longer I'll last down here.
I want to go home.
:(
*sigh* Maybe it's just stress. I do tend to get really stressed out more-so than is necessary. I worry too much, get too anxious and stress out over everything. Is that just my personality? Sometimes I wonder if that's how I will always be. Yay for a life full of ulcers, uncontrollable sobbing and mood swings?
I guess it could be worse and that this isn't really all the unexpected. After Bubby was born and passed away, I was really, really depressed. But I mean, that was expected right? How many people can bounce right back after something like that? I felt guilty for a long long time, but I mean, come one. My baby died. It's not as if it was just one of my other miscarriages, and i feel horrible saying that, but with Bubby he was here, I gave birth to him and then just like that I was holding him and he died.
How should I feel about that? That was 2 years ago. 2 years. Should I be over it now? Should I be moving on?
I know I'm expecting a new, perfectly healthy little boy now. I know he is alright and that in less than 2 months he will be here in my arms, but I can't shake this aching fear in the back of my mind the I'll be holding him and he'll die too.
I'm just being paranoid. I'm just being afraid and overly cautious. But is that all? Am I?
I think I'll feel so much better when I can just hold Vincent and know he's okay. Count all of his toes, fingers, etc.. and make sure he's OK. Then maybe I'll be better about this all.
For right now, I'm just sick to my stomach. I throw up from the stress. My ulcers are back and I really don't know how to fix this.
There are so many "If's"
IF we had more money.
IF we had a bigger place.
IF we had a better car.
IF we had more time.
All of these things that we really can't change right now.
I can't work, mostly because I'm on modified bed rest, but also because no one is going to hire someone who is 8 months pregnant. I have job prospects for AFTER he is born, but that isn't helping us right now.
If we only had everything NOW instead of later.
On top of all of this, I miss my family. Scratch that. I do miss my family, but I really, really miss my mom.
How can I expect to be a mom? I've had a baby, but have never been a mother. I am 5 hours away from the most important people in my life. I am 5 hours away from my support system.
I cry. I can't sleep. My hair is falling out.
I just want to go home. I want my mom to be there for advice, or if I just need someone to talk too.
I know my home is wherever my husband is, and I don't regret staying here. I just am at the point now where I don't know how much longer I'll last down here.
I want to go home.
:(