Digging through the archives...
I love cleaning out my old computers... I always find the greatest stuff. XD Like old pieces of writing I thought I'd lost.
Anyone who was a part of the NiNjAz oh so many years ago, and who paid any attention to the Writer's Circle may recognize this. But then again, it was a while back...
WARNING. Slightly, uh... long.
Written in September '04. 0.o'
Gaia's Secrets- Chapter 5: Luckis's Story
"This is exactly what you deserve, there's no use in trying to wriggle your way out of it now."
“Wriggle my way out of what exactly, father dear?” I spat back, hoping that the sardonic tone might just cover the quiver in my voice, “You killed her… pray tell, how does one ‘wriggle’ their way out of that?”
It was late afternoon, and the sparse sun that drifted from the overcast sky and through the windows cast long, eerie shadows about the lavishly decorated study. Velvet drapes, imported silk rugs, gold-trimmed molding - all recent additions made by my father, and all purchased for a sole purpose -to provide the tax collectors with a job. Why the massive wall-to-wall mahogany bookshelves remained, I’ll never know… my Neanderthal of a father had about as much use for a piece of literature as a baker did for a knitting needle.
“She deserved what she received as well-- ” he continued, clearly ignoring my previous comment. Swinging his stout, porky legs up to rest on the desk of polished oak that lay between us, he leaned back in his matching throne-like chair, carelessly inspecting the heavy jeweled rings that adorned his fingers (yet another personal investment at his people’s expense) in such an overly casual manner as if he meant to mock my own raging emotions. “I mean, she must have known the rules, after all, I’m sure it is well known that it is illegal to be bedded with a member of royalty without being married first… and, if breached, it is a crime punishable by immediate death, is it not?” Then he turned his attention back to me, and, slyly smirking, he purred, “But then again… you can’t exactly expect a worthless, common whore like her to be one to follow the rules, now can you?”
Those last words hit me like a knee to the stomach. “What?! ” I hissed through clenched teeth, barely resisting the almost feral urge to lunge for his throat. Instead, I forced myself to remain seated, my entire body a tense, trembling ball of fury. Calm down Luc… I silently willed my consciousness, digging my fingernails into the armrests of the chair. Don’t show him any emotion; he’ll simply use it against you. Like he always has.
For a moment we simply sat there, staring at one another. My eyes narrowed, matching the colour and sheer iciness of the winter’s frost, lingered upon his own gleeful, mocking pair of a deep brown. So extreme was my hatred for him it had locked my glare to such an intensity that I barely heard the door to the study open behind me.
“You know nothing …” I whispered defiantly as his glare faltered, shifting to observe those who had just entered the room. After a curt nod, his attention returned to me. “..you’re wrong. You know nothing about her... how could you even think to pass judgment?”
“How could I-- ?! My, my Luckis… you really have lost it, haven’t you?” he chuckled, his expression turning to that of disbelief, “I’m the king… she’s a peasant - that’s why.”
“Because you’re the king? Ha!” I exclaimed, starting out of my chair, sending my blonde hair askew. Brushing it out of my face, I leaned over the desk, regarding him with a smug, almost delirious grin. “Everyone knows it takes no spectacular talent to be king… just the freak chance that you’re born into the bloodline! Oh, and of course, it also helps when you just happen to outlive your more rational sibling, now doesn’t it, father?”
Before I even knew what was happening, he had struck me -- cuffed me across the face as he had so many times before. And again, like those other times, I tasted blood. Hmph, got me again. I thought, rather unfazed by the hit and the familiar feeling of the resulting welt beginning to rise, I still can’t figure out how such a fat old man can move that fast…
“ I thought I told you never to mention that again , you impertinent child…” I heard him growl over the distant roll of thunder. My attention was no longer on him, though, for out of the corner of my eye, I saw two dark-haired figures huddled by the entrance, who I easily identified as my mother and younger brother, Callen.
Great… so, once again, my problems become the entire family’s affair. Just grand. I do wonder, however, why my dear kid brother of 12 years has to be here… the thunder came again, closer and more insistent this time. Unless… I paused for a moment, as a slightly sickening feeling of realization washed over me. …he has something planned. The bastard… he’s invited them to watch my downfall.
“ I think I understand now, why you ordered her executed.” I started, straightening. Staring down into my father’s furious face, I absently used the sleeve of my black velvet doublet to wipe away the blood from my lip. “You were scared, father. Scared, that somehow, despite your attempts to ruin my life, that I may just end up happy after all. You didn’t care that she was a commoner, really, it just happened to be an unfortunate strike against her. You were just angry that someone had finally accepted me for what I am - something you’ve never been able to do.” I could hear the wind beginning to pick up outside, and the thunder rolled once more, right overhead. I looked up, and silently tracked its progress as it passed above me, smiling as it rumbled so strongly to shake some of the smaller objects within the room. “Because, by the gods,” I continued, watching my father once more, “who in their right mind would want to marry someone who looks so close in appearance to Him? Did they wish to doom themselves to a cursed life re-fulfilling His legacy?”
Almost as if it had taken a cue from my words, the clouds that had been threatening a severe storm for most of the day chose that moment to break violently, throwing open the double doors leading out onto the balcony overlooking the countryside around the city, drawing small cries of fright from my mother and brother.
“You know, if you weren’t bound by so much tradition in the first place, you probably would never have named me as the crown prince, would you have?” I breathed, grimly watching the rain pour in through the open portal. “But then again, it was easier to control me that way, wasn’t it?” Slowly I strode over to face the gaping entryway, determination alone guiding my steps. My situation is hopeless now… and this is my only escape. It’s either I stay here and be ultimately destroyed by my father, or I take this chance and abandon life forever.
“The caged bird is the one who longs the most to fly, my dear father...” I said, a sad smile spreading across my lips as I stood there in the doorway, the cold, heavy rain beating against my back, almost as if it was urging me to remain in the sheltered warmth from which I dared to leave. But… I have to do this… I silently told the fierce weather behind me. …there’s nothing left for me here. No warmth, no love…nothing. I’m an orphan in the only home I’ve ever known.
My eyes drifted to each of the faces that stood in front of me, those of which I had called my family… from the unbridled scowl of loathing that was etched into my father’s withered features, to the look of shock and fear that adorned my once beautiful mother’s face… to the stare of sheer terror and confusion from the cherub-like face of my spoiled, naïve little brother.
Pulling my gaze away, I silently chuckled. Oh, the irony… for there are those poor men who fear death, and wish to live the rich life of a royal - and here I am, a royal to the very last drop of blue blood within me, wishing for nothing but the cold embrace of death.
“Hn…” I breathed, a grim sneer playing on my lips. My eyes darted once more to my family’s faces, meeting each with a cold, determined glare before I turned, facing the unrelenting weather. The cold wall of rain rammed against me, once again almost as if it was to deter me from that which I was set on doing. NO! I willed it, gritting my teeth. In an instant, it had soaked me through to the marrow, and now it pounded upon the still-stinging welt my father had left on my cheek like a court musician on his drum. I must! Let me go… As though to prove my resolve, I strode out to the center of the balcony, into the unchecked wrath of the squall.
From inside, I heard my mother gasp, then father hiss for her silence. The sound of his slow, heavy footsteps approaching reached my ears… but then they stopped, still a fair distance away.
Figures. Stayed where the rain couldn’t reach him. I thought, silently I chuckling once more. We wouldn’t want to get those precious expensive garments wet, now would we? Oh my, that’d mean you’d have to raise taxes again… to squeeze more gold from your already desperately poor kingdom…Tsk, what a shame.
“Luckis… ” My father’s voice came to me over the sound of the rain, straining to produce any sincere emotion. “… my son. Ple--”
“ ‘My son ?!’ ” I retorted in disbelief, shoulders shaking in all but silent laughter, “Is it only now that I earn that title?” Pausing for a moment, I looked back at him from over my shoulder, watching him suspiciously eye the growing puddle on the rug, then stepping delicately to one side to avoid wetting his satin shoes. What a vain, pompous ass… I snorted, then spoke again, almost yelling to be heard over the storm: “Face it, father… to you, I was never ‘your son,’ nor will I probably ever will be. To you, from the moment you first laid eyes on me, I was a curse… a dismal reminder of that deep secret that lay within your blood. You are His descendant, and so am I, whether you like it or not. And if you so believe that I am the fulfillment of this so-called prophecy, then so be it.” I turned to look again at the dismal landscape that lay beyond the balcony - grey hills, rotting fields, and columns of smoke from dying fires… all the symptoms of a war-torn land. “But,” I continued with a chuckle, watching him once more, a sinister grin spreading across my face, “looking at the current state of matters… at this rate, an age of darkness might sounded good by the time that I was to be in power - hypothetically, you’ve already done my job for me. And a damned splendid job at that, too. Thanks, daddy-dear.”
“How dare you… “ My father seethed from his slowly dissipating rain-free zone, his face turning a deep shade of crimson. If he keeps that up, no one will be able to tell him from his robes soon… I laughed silently to myself. “… insult me like that, you no-good, blonde-haired whelp!” he boomed, beginning to pace the border between the dry and soaked carpet like an angry bull testing his fence. “Get back in here, NOW!! It seems I was still too soft on you… this time I’ll give you proper punishment, and make up for your tender treatment as a child!”
“What?!” I snapped, spinning around to face him, “Oh, so you’re saying that regular beatings until I bled out my ears was a sign of ‘tender treatment’? I’d hate to see what you’re calling what you do to him! ” I exclaimed, arrowing a trembling finger at Callen, causing mother to cry out and shield him. But all I saw in that brief second when his and my eyes met was the sheer terror he now held for me, and the confusion and disbelief - how could his once kind-hearted older brother have turned into such a monster?
Serves you right, you little brat… finally you get to see what really goes on in this household - it’s not all sunshine and flowers as mother and father have made you believe…
“No, father…” I started, sliding my right thumb underneath my left sleeve, sliding out the small dagger I had concealed along the inside of my arm, “I refuse to be anyone’s puppet for any longer… Neither yours…” I continued, slicing a deep gash across the cold-numbed skin of my left wrist, then my right. “… or your Chaos-damned kingdom’s.”
For a moment, I only stood there, watching the blood flow down my fingers and drip to the rain-soaked marble that I stood on. But then I looked up, and noticed, with a satisfied smile, that as the blood drained from my wounds, it was mirrored in my father’s face as well, as he blanched, standing perfectly still, a look of panic flitting across his features, but then settling into an expression of smug realization. Never thought I’d take it this far, did you, old man ? I thought as I began to stagger backwards. In the distance, I could hear my mother and brother weeping… but I ignored them. They weren’t important anymore. My defiant glare remained on his; locked in place by the two decades of contempt we had held between us. I represented all that he hated within himself…
“No, father… I won’t be anyone’s puppet.” I said when my hands had struck cold stone. With hardly a second glance, I hopped up onto the narrow ledge and stood there, deathly still, despite the raging fury of the storm. “I shall only be fate’s.” With a last grim smile, I hissed through clenched teeth: “See you in hell.” And with that, I spread my arms and leapt backwards into cool oblivion.
… Oh, if only I had known at that moment the irony of my last words…
*sings the Emo Song for Luckis*
Anyone who was a part of the NiNjAz oh so many years ago, and who paid any attention to the Writer's Circle may recognize this. But then again, it was a while back...
WARNING. Slightly, uh... long.
Written in September '04. 0.o'
Gaia's Secrets- Chapter 5: Luckis's Story
"This is exactly what you deserve, there's no use in trying to wriggle your way out of it now."
“Wriggle my way out of what exactly, father dear?” I spat back, hoping that the sardonic tone might just cover the quiver in my voice, “You killed her… pray tell, how does one ‘wriggle’ their way out of that?”
It was late afternoon, and the sparse sun that drifted from the overcast sky and through the windows cast long, eerie shadows about the lavishly decorated study. Velvet drapes, imported silk rugs, gold-trimmed molding - all recent additions made by my father, and all purchased for a sole purpose -to provide the tax collectors with a job. Why the massive wall-to-wall mahogany bookshelves remained, I’ll never know… my Neanderthal of a father had about as much use for a piece of literature as a baker did for a knitting needle.
“She deserved what she received as well-- ” he continued, clearly ignoring my previous comment. Swinging his stout, porky legs up to rest on the desk of polished oak that lay between us, he leaned back in his matching throne-like chair, carelessly inspecting the heavy jeweled rings that adorned his fingers (yet another personal investment at his people’s expense) in such an overly casual manner as if he meant to mock my own raging emotions. “I mean, she must have known the rules, after all, I’m sure it is well known that it is illegal to be bedded with a member of royalty without being married first… and, if breached, it is a crime punishable by immediate death, is it not?” Then he turned his attention back to me, and, slyly smirking, he purred, “But then again… you can’t exactly expect a worthless, common whore like her to be one to follow the rules, now can you?”
Those last words hit me like a knee to the stomach. “What?! ” I hissed through clenched teeth, barely resisting the almost feral urge to lunge for his throat. Instead, I forced myself to remain seated, my entire body a tense, trembling ball of fury. Calm down Luc… I silently willed my consciousness, digging my fingernails into the armrests of the chair. Don’t show him any emotion; he’ll simply use it against you. Like he always has.
For a moment we simply sat there, staring at one another. My eyes narrowed, matching the colour and sheer iciness of the winter’s frost, lingered upon his own gleeful, mocking pair of a deep brown. So extreme was my hatred for him it had locked my glare to such an intensity that I barely heard the door to the study open behind me.
“You know nothing …” I whispered defiantly as his glare faltered, shifting to observe those who had just entered the room. After a curt nod, his attention returned to me. “..you’re wrong. You know nothing about her... how could you even think to pass judgment?”
“How could I-- ?! My, my Luckis… you really have lost it, haven’t you?” he chuckled, his expression turning to that of disbelief, “I’m the king… she’s a peasant - that’s why.”
“Because you’re the king? Ha!” I exclaimed, starting out of my chair, sending my blonde hair askew. Brushing it out of my face, I leaned over the desk, regarding him with a smug, almost delirious grin. “Everyone knows it takes no spectacular talent to be king… just the freak chance that you’re born into the bloodline! Oh, and of course, it also helps when you just happen to outlive your more rational sibling, now doesn’t it, father?”
Before I even knew what was happening, he had struck me -- cuffed me across the face as he had so many times before. And again, like those other times, I tasted blood. Hmph, got me again. I thought, rather unfazed by the hit and the familiar feeling of the resulting welt beginning to rise, I still can’t figure out how such a fat old man can move that fast…
“ I thought I told you never to mention that again , you impertinent child…” I heard him growl over the distant roll of thunder. My attention was no longer on him, though, for out of the corner of my eye, I saw two dark-haired figures huddled by the entrance, who I easily identified as my mother and younger brother, Callen.
Great… so, once again, my problems become the entire family’s affair. Just grand. I do wonder, however, why my dear kid brother of 12 years has to be here… the thunder came again, closer and more insistent this time. Unless… I paused for a moment, as a slightly sickening feeling of realization washed over me. …he has something planned. The bastard… he’s invited them to watch my downfall.
“ I think I understand now, why you ordered her executed.” I started, straightening. Staring down into my father’s furious face, I absently used the sleeve of my black velvet doublet to wipe away the blood from my lip. “You were scared, father. Scared, that somehow, despite your attempts to ruin my life, that I may just end up happy after all. You didn’t care that she was a commoner, really, it just happened to be an unfortunate strike against her. You were just angry that someone had finally accepted me for what I am - something you’ve never been able to do.” I could hear the wind beginning to pick up outside, and the thunder rolled once more, right overhead. I looked up, and silently tracked its progress as it passed above me, smiling as it rumbled so strongly to shake some of the smaller objects within the room. “Because, by the gods,” I continued, watching my father once more, “who in their right mind would want to marry someone who looks so close in appearance to Him? Did they wish to doom themselves to a cursed life re-fulfilling His legacy?”
Almost as if it had taken a cue from my words, the clouds that had been threatening a severe storm for most of the day chose that moment to break violently, throwing open the double doors leading out onto the balcony overlooking the countryside around the city, drawing small cries of fright from my mother and brother.
“You know, if you weren’t bound by so much tradition in the first place, you probably would never have named me as the crown prince, would you have?” I breathed, grimly watching the rain pour in through the open portal. “But then again, it was easier to control me that way, wasn’t it?” Slowly I strode over to face the gaping entryway, determination alone guiding my steps. My situation is hopeless now… and this is my only escape. It’s either I stay here and be ultimately destroyed by my father, or I take this chance and abandon life forever.
“The caged bird is the one who longs the most to fly, my dear father...” I said, a sad smile spreading across my lips as I stood there in the doorway, the cold, heavy rain beating against my back, almost as if it was urging me to remain in the sheltered warmth from which I dared to leave. But… I have to do this… I silently told the fierce weather behind me. …there’s nothing left for me here. No warmth, no love…nothing. I’m an orphan in the only home I’ve ever known.
My eyes drifted to each of the faces that stood in front of me, those of which I had called my family… from the unbridled scowl of loathing that was etched into my father’s withered features, to the look of shock and fear that adorned my once beautiful mother’s face… to the stare of sheer terror and confusion from the cherub-like face of my spoiled, naïve little brother.
Pulling my gaze away, I silently chuckled. Oh, the irony… for there are those poor men who fear death, and wish to live the rich life of a royal - and here I am, a royal to the very last drop of blue blood within me, wishing for nothing but the cold embrace of death.
“Hn…” I breathed, a grim sneer playing on my lips. My eyes darted once more to my family’s faces, meeting each with a cold, determined glare before I turned, facing the unrelenting weather. The cold wall of rain rammed against me, once again almost as if it was to deter me from that which I was set on doing. NO! I willed it, gritting my teeth. In an instant, it had soaked me through to the marrow, and now it pounded upon the still-stinging welt my father had left on my cheek like a court musician on his drum. I must! Let me go… As though to prove my resolve, I strode out to the center of the balcony, into the unchecked wrath of the squall.
From inside, I heard my mother gasp, then father hiss for her silence. The sound of his slow, heavy footsteps approaching reached my ears… but then they stopped, still a fair distance away.
Figures. Stayed where the rain couldn’t reach him. I thought, silently I chuckling once more. We wouldn’t want to get those precious expensive garments wet, now would we? Oh my, that’d mean you’d have to raise taxes again… to squeeze more gold from your already desperately poor kingdom…Tsk, what a shame.
“Luckis… ” My father’s voice came to me over the sound of the rain, straining to produce any sincere emotion. “… my son. Ple--”
“ ‘My son ?!’ ” I retorted in disbelief, shoulders shaking in all but silent laughter, “Is it only now that I earn that title?” Pausing for a moment, I looked back at him from over my shoulder, watching him suspiciously eye the growing puddle on the rug, then stepping delicately to one side to avoid wetting his satin shoes. What a vain, pompous ass… I snorted, then spoke again, almost yelling to be heard over the storm: “Face it, father… to you, I was never ‘your son,’ nor will I probably ever will be. To you, from the moment you first laid eyes on me, I was a curse… a dismal reminder of that deep secret that lay within your blood. You are His descendant, and so am I, whether you like it or not. And if you so believe that I am the fulfillment of this so-called prophecy, then so be it.” I turned to look again at the dismal landscape that lay beyond the balcony - grey hills, rotting fields, and columns of smoke from dying fires… all the symptoms of a war-torn land. “But,” I continued with a chuckle, watching him once more, a sinister grin spreading across my face, “looking at the current state of matters… at this rate, an age of darkness might sounded good by the time that I was to be in power - hypothetically, you’ve already done my job for me. And a damned splendid job at that, too. Thanks, daddy-dear.”
“How dare you… “ My father seethed from his slowly dissipating rain-free zone, his face turning a deep shade of crimson. If he keeps that up, no one will be able to tell him from his robes soon… I laughed silently to myself. “… insult me like that, you no-good, blonde-haired whelp!” he boomed, beginning to pace the border between the dry and soaked carpet like an angry bull testing his fence. “Get back in here, NOW!! It seems I was still too soft on you… this time I’ll give you proper punishment, and make up for your tender treatment as a child!”
“What?!” I snapped, spinning around to face him, “Oh, so you’re saying that regular beatings until I bled out my ears was a sign of ‘tender treatment’? I’d hate to see what you’re calling what you do to him! ” I exclaimed, arrowing a trembling finger at Callen, causing mother to cry out and shield him. But all I saw in that brief second when his and my eyes met was the sheer terror he now held for me, and the confusion and disbelief - how could his once kind-hearted older brother have turned into such a monster?
Serves you right, you little brat… finally you get to see what really goes on in this household - it’s not all sunshine and flowers as mother and father have made you believe…
“No, father…” I started, sliding my right thumb underneath my left sleeve, sliding out the small dagger I had concealed along the inside of my arm, “I refuse to be anyone’s puppet for any longer… Neither yours…” I continued, slicing a deep gash across the cold-numbed skin of my left wrist, then my right. “… or your Chaos-damned kingdom’s.”
For a moment, I only stood there, watching the blood flow down my fingers and drip to the rain-soaked marble that I stood on. But then I looked up, and noticed, with a satisfied smile, that as the blood drained from my wounds, it was mirrored in my father’s face as well, as he blanched, standing perfectly still, a look of panic flitting across his features, but then settling into an expression of smug realization. Never thought I’d take it this far, did you, old man ? I thought as I began to stagger backwards. In the distance, I could hear my mother and brother weeping… but I ignored them. They weren’t important anymore. My defiant glare remained on his; locked in place by the two decades of contempt we had held between us. I represented all that he hated within himself…
“No, father… I won’t be anyone’s puppet.” I said when my hands had struck cold stone. With hardly a second glance, I hopped up onto the narrow ledge and stood there, deathly still, despite the raging fury of the storm. “I shall only be fate’s.” With a last grim smile, I hissed through clenched teeth: “See you in hell.” And with that, I spread my arms and leapt backwards into cool oblivion.
… Oh, if only I had known at that moment the irony of my last words…
*sings the Emo Song for Luckis*