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*** Article: Are You a 'Yes-Dog'? - By Suzanne Falter-Barns ***
----------------------------------------------------
There was once a time (and there still is, to a certain degree) when I
would say 'Yes' to every opportunïty, request, suggestion, good idea, and
even mediocre idea that came my way. And let me tell you, it was
exhausting.
It was like I had this automatic, knee-jerk reaction to accommodate any
suggestion that came my way -- as if it were my karmic duty. I call this
auto-response being a 'yes-dog'. Perhaps you know the feeling.
When you're a yes-dog, your entire being is all about making other people
happy; you knock yourself out doing it. No task is too small -- you figure
you've always got room in your psyche, your schedule or your soul to
squeeze in one more thing that someone wants to fit in. God forbid you
should say no... for then that someone would be unhappy. Which would be
unthinkable.
Like a lot of creative people, I'm naturally empathetic -- so I could
literally feel other people's pain... an experience I simply wanted to
avoid as much as possible. For many years, I thought it was up to me to
please the rest of the world. I literally thought it was my job to be a
'yes-dog'.
These days, I'm taking a much more circumspect view. I've come to the
realization that I simply can't live my soul purpose AND make the rest of
the world happy all the time.
And I realize that being a yes-dog doesn't always make the rest of the
world happy -- even in my little corner. The more well known I get, and
the wider my reach, the more I can see it. There is always someone,
somewhere, who has a problem with what I'm doing. And therein lay the
breakthrough.
I'm no longer uncomfortable with other people's pain. I mean, it's not
like I relish it; but I don't run to avoid it. I've come to realize we all
have a path and a learning process we're going through. This means my
entire job is nothing more than to be authentic, listen to my gut, and act
accordingly. Not only will I not make everyone happy... I can't!
If someone is upset by this, it's no longer a big problem. Rather, it's
simply the way their path is rubbing up against my path; it's part of
life, growth, and karma. So I have nothing to fear.
My friend Joan Sotkin has a saying, "I don't always have to be the one
who's uncomfortable here." Amen! Since I've given up being a yes-dog, and
let go of the need to be 'the one who's always uncomfortable', great
things have begun to stream my way. My reach, my income, my productivity
and my impact in the world have gone up in quantum leaps.
Best of all, I've relaxed as I go about my business. 'No' is not scary --
it's empowering. And ironically enough, the world has not turned on me in
anger and resentment... it's actually stepped right up to my door and
truly embraced what I'm doing.
Are you a yes-dog? Take my handy quiz below to assess where you are. And
may I suggest a step away from that easy little word, to one that can be
equally empowering: "No."
The Are You a 'Yes-Dog'? Questionnaire:
1. Do you find it hard to say no to your children, even when they're
making unreasonable demands?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
2. Do you long to be able to tell your boss exactly what you think... but
you just can't?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
3. Do you find it impossible to deny yourself 'forbidden' pleasures' -
i.e. Ben & Jerry's ice cream - when you're dieting, even if you've made a
decision not to indulge?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
4. Do your friends tell you that you're a pushover and advise you to stand
firm?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
5. Do you get a queasy feeling in your gut when someone asks you to do
something that's just not a good fit for you... and then inevitably cave
in despite your feelings?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
6. Are you uncomfortable asking for more monëy or more responsibility
around your work?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
7. Are you always the person who volunteers even when you don't want to?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
8. Are there things you long to do in life, but you simply can't find the
time or the courage to get to them?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
Rate your answers:
For every a) give yourself 10 points. For every b) give yourself 7 points.
For every c) give yourself 4 points. For every d) give yourself 1 point.
If your score is 60-80, you're probably saying 'Yes' WAY more often than
you want to. Consider getting some coaching on how to say no from a good
friend, life coach, or partner.
If your score is 40-60, your ability to say 'No' willingly is spotty...
try pausing and counting silently to five before you answer.
If your score is 20-40, you've got most situations pretty well in hand.
Try saying 'No' just a little more often and see what happens.
If your score is 0-20, you're doing great! Your ability to monitor when to
say 'Yes' and when to say 'No' is truly inspiring.
About the Author:
For information on how to find the time, energy, and monëy to live your
purpose in life, chëck out Suzanne's frëe ezine, The Joy Letter. Sign up
at http://www.howmuchjoy.com/joyletter.html and receive her valuable
report, 35 Guaranteed Time Savers. And get a daily blast of joyful tips
from the Blast o' Joy blog at
http://selfhelpsalon.typepad.com/blast_o_joy/
----------------------------------------------------
There was once a time (and there still is, to a certain degree) when I
would say 'Yes' to every opportunïty, request, suggestion, good idea, and
even mediocre idea that came my way. And let me tell you, it was
exhausting.
It was like I had this automatic, knee-jerk reaction to accommodate any
suggestion that came my way -- as if it were my karmic duty. I call this
auto-response being a 'yes-dog'. Perhaps you know the feeling.
When you're a yes-dog, your entire being is all about making other people
happy; you knock yourself out doing it. No task is too small -- you figure
you've always got room in your psyche, your schedule or your soul to
squeeze in one more thing that someone wants to fit in. God forbid you
should say no... for then that someone would be unhappy. Which would be
unthinkable.
Like a lot of creative people, I'm naturally empathetic -- so I could
literally feel other people's pain... an experience I simply wanted to
avoid as much as possible. For many years, I thought it was up to me to
please the rest of the world. I literally thought it was my job to be a
'yes-dog'.
These days, I'm taking a much more circumspect view. I've come to the
realization that I simply can't live my soul purpose AND make the rest of
the world happy all the time.
And I realize that being a yes-dog doesn't always make the rest of the
world happy -- even in my little corner. The more well known I get, and
the wider my reach, the more I can see it. There is always someone,
somewhere, who has a problem with what I'm doing. And therein lay the
breakthrough.
I'm no longer uncomfortable with other people's pain. I mean, it's not
like I relish it; but I don't run to avoid it. I've come to realize we all
have a path and a learning process we're going through. This means my
entire job is nothing more than to be authentic, listen to my gut, and act
accordingly. Not only will I not make everyone happy... I can't!
If someone is upset by this, it's no longer a big problem. Rather, it's
simply the way their path is rubbing up against my path; it's part of
life, growth, and karma. So I have nothing to fear.
My friend Joan Sotkin has a saying, "I don't always have to be the one
who's uncomfortable here." Amen! Since I've given up being a yes-dog, and
let go of the need to be 'the one who's always uncomfortable', great
things have begun to stream my way. My reach, my income, my productivity
and my impact in the world have gone up in quantum leaps.
Best of all, I've relaxed as I go about my business. 'No' is not scary --
it's empowering. And ironically enough, the world has not turned on me in
anger and resentment... it's actually stepped right up to my door and
truly embraced what I'm doing.
Are you a yes-dog? Take my handy quiz below to assess where you are. And
may I suggest a step away from that easy little word, to one that can be
equally empowering: "No."
The Are You a 'Yes-Dog'? Questionnaire:
1. Do you find it hard to say no to your children, even when they're
making unreasonable demands?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
2. Do you long to be able to tell your boss exactly what you think... but
you just can't?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
3. Do you find it impossible to deny yourself 'forbidden' pleasures' -
i.e. Ben & Jerry's ice cream - when you're dieting, even if you've made a
decision not to indulge?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
4. Do your friends tell you that you're a pushover and advise you to stand
firm?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
5. Do you get a queasy feeling in your gut when someone asks you to do
something that's just not a good fit for you... and then inevitably cave
in despite your feelings?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
6. Are you uncomfortable asking for more monëy or more responsibility
around your work?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
7. Are you always the person who volunteers even when you don't want to?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
8. Are there things you long to do in life, but you simply can't find the
time or the courage to get to them?
a) Always
b) Occasionally
c) Rarely
d) Nevër
Rate your answers:
For every a) give yourself 10 points. For every b) give yourself 7 points.
For every c) give yourself 4 points. For every d) give yourself 1 point.
If your score is 60-80, you're probably saying 'Yes' WAY more often than
you want to. Consider getting some coaching on how to say no from a good
friend, life coach, or partner.
If your score is 40-60, your ability to say 'No' willingly is spotty...
try pausing and counting silently to five before you answer.
If your score is 20-40, you've got most situations pretty well in hand.
Try saying 'No' just a little more often and see what happens.
If your score is 0-20, you're doing great! Your ability to monitor when to
say 'Yes' and when to say 'No' is truly inspiring.
About the Author:
For information on how to find the time, energy, and monëy to live your
purpose in life, chëck out Suzanne's frëe ezine, The Joy Letter. Sign up
at http://www.howmuchjoy.com/joyletter.html and receive her valuable
report, 35 Guaranteed Time Savers. And get a daily blast of joyful tips
from the Blast o' Joy blog at
http://selfhelpsalon.typepad.com/blast_o_joy/