friendship and love in the awakened mind
Friendship and Love in the Awakened Mind
Joseph Feinsilver
Sayings of Buddha
Dr. Bradford
03/16/04
“Love is all you need” - The Beatles
To most in this day and age, friendship and love is the foundation of true happiness and satisfaction. To the enlightened one, love and friendship are not mandatory aspects of life, as the enlightened one thinks about love in a different context than we do. Sages, unlike the vast majority, are unburdened by dukkha, and of the ego and self. In accordance with the principles of enlightened life, love and friendship are entirely different concepts when thought of without selfish thought.
In his writings of The Dhammapada, The Buddha speaks the truth about love and friendship. He explains that the concepts of love and friendship that we hold so dear are not necessary to live well. Sages radiate friendship and love unconditionally towards everyone. The enlightened one is an endless source of love and compassion, and filled with “friendship towards all” . The very nature of enlightenment is that of a life detached from selfishness, thus making love unbound and unconditional. In the midst of the roots of this philosophy and practice is the principle of non-substance ontology. This states that reality is comprised of qualities, or universals, shared by everything, binding everything together and making everything the same. The realization of this concept divides the enlightened from the unenlightened. The unawakened, to use a term The Buddha might, forge friendships and view love to their own selfish desires. They use their ‘friends’ to their own ends. Recently, one of my friends broke up with his girlfriend of two months. When I asked him why, he replied “she didn’t appreciate me enough.” At first I sympathized with my friend, but after deeper contemplation, I asked him how long he honestly expected a relationship like that to last. My friend yelled at me, but I believe, and I think The Buddha would concur, that this is a relatively clear example of a relationship built upon selfish desires, in this case, my friends’ desire for affection and appreciation. The relationship based upon these selfish desires and values is devoid of real love. This is the reason that the awakened are capable of the true depth and meaning of love, they have removed the poisons of selfishness from their lives.
Another aspect that enters the life of the enlightened is that of non-judgement. As the enlightened one has realized the truth that we are all connected and one, it would therefore follow that they could not pass judgement another, for they would be judging themselves in the process. By living in this state of oneness with everything, the enlightened is freed from the slavery of loneliness. Realizing the truth, the enlightened one is never alone and lives in joy.
Through his writings in The Dhammapada, The Buddha reveals that love and friendship are nice things to have in life, but not essential to achieving the goal of living well. Yes, the awakened unconditionally loves and sympathizes with everyone, however he does not form a relationship with everyone. According the teachings of The Buddha, the life lived without friends is better than the life plagued by unhealthy friendships. The enlightened has relationships in which love is mutual and disconnected from egotistic desires. This relationship of mutual friendship is not built upon selfishness and egoism, but upon the love that comes unconditionally from the center of every being, and this relationship is the most fulfilling form.
In our times, we are taught from a very young age that the concept of love is an emotion, if one not to be taken lightly. But love as an emotion makes love selfish and egoistic in nature. With these selfish intentions and thoughts plaguing the mind, one cannot live well. The true nature of love is built upon mindfulness and awareness for another person. Loving someone means that you not only understand what is important for someone’s well-being, but you promote it in their life. The awakened being is constantly “wide-awake and vigilant ” of their actions and intentions towards others.
For instance, let’s suppose the unenlightened Bob and the enlightened Robert Thurman were standing on the street corner and Quentin, a good friend of both Bob and Robert, drove into the hot dog stand next to them. The car catches fire, ignited by the grease from the hot dog stand, and could explode at any moment. Robert would immediately and instinctively run towards the car to help Quentin, not thinking about his own safety or even comfort. Bob, an ordinary person, spiritually untrained, would either (a) run away in terror, in fear of his own life or perhaps in fear of damaging his brand new Old Navy blue jean pants, or (b) more disturbingly, Bob might attempt to rescue the trapped director in hopes of making the front page of The New York Times. Bob the unawakened thinks only of himself, and acts solely in his own interests. Even in second scenario, where he rescues his friend Quentin, their friendship is tainted by the poisons of Bob’s egocentrism and in essence, Bob is using Quentin’s practical demise for his personal gain.
Another notion widely celebrated in our society is that of a “soul-mate.” This concept is based upon the mutual, natural attraction between two objects shared by all beings, an object which is unperceivable, specifically the human soul. The idea of a soul conflicts with the principle of a non-substance ontology. Non-substance ontology confirms that there exists no single, unperceivable, identifying “soul”, no sub-strata at all, only qualities. The notion that a single bonding quality shared only by two human beings does not enter the mind of the enlightened, who, detached from his self, is free to love unconditionally everyone and everything. In the enlightened world, as Bjork sings in a song of the same name, “all is full of love .”
The enlightened one loves all creation truly, deeply, and honestly, without the poison of selfish thought. Through spiritual training and commitment to the path , the enlightened lives a life devoid of egoism and filled with nothing but love for everything and everyone. This true nature of love is such that it infuses the life of the enlightened one with joy, and through their words and actions, the lives of all those the enlightened one encounters.
Joseph Feinsilver
Sayings of Buddha
Dr. Bradford
03/16/04
“Love is all you need” - The Beatles
To most in this day and age, friendship and love is the foundation of true happiness and satisfaction. To the enlightened one, love and friendship are not mandatory aspects of life, as the enlightened one thinks about love in a different context than we do. Sages, unlike the vast majority, are unburdened by dukkha, and of the ego and self. In accordance with the principles of enlightened life, love and friendship are entirely different concepts when thought of without selfish thought.
In his writings of The Dhammapada, The Buddha speaks the truth about love and friendship. He explains that the concepts of love and friendship that we hold so dear are not necessary to live well. Sages radiate friendship and love unconditionally towards everyone. The enlightened one is an endless source of love and compassion, and filled with “friendship towards all” . The very nature of enlightenment is that of a life detached from selfishness, thus making love unbound and unconditional. In the midst of the roots of this philosophy and practice is the principle of non-substance ontology. This states that reality is comprised of qualities, or universals, shared by everything, binding everything together and making everything the same. The realization of this concept divides the enlightened from the unenlightened. The unawakened, to use a term The Buddha might, forge friendships and view love to their own selfish desires. They use their ‘friends’ to their own ends. Recently, one of my friends broke up with his girlfriend of two months. When I asked him why, he replied “she didn’t appreciate me enough.” At first I sympathized with my friend, but after deeper contemplation, I asked him how long he honestly expected a relationship like that to last. My friend yelled at me, but I believe, and I think The Buddha would concur, that this is a relatively clear example of a relationship built upon selfish desires, in this case, my friends’ desire for affection and appreciation. The relationship based upon these selfish desires and values is devoid of real love. This is the reason that the awakened are capable of the true depth and meaning of love, they have removed the poisons of selfishness from their lives.
Another aspect that enters the life of the enlightened is that of non-judgement. As the enlightened one has realized the truth that we are all connected and one, it would therefore follow that they could not pass judgement another, for they would be judging themselves in the process. By living in this state of oneness with everything, the enlightened is freed from the slavery of loneliness. Realizing the truth, the enlightened one is never alone and lives in joy.
Through his writings in The Dhammapada, The Buddha reveals that love and friendship are nice things to have in life, but not essential to achieving the goal of living well. Yes, the awakened unconditionally loves and sympathizes with everyone, however he does not form a relationship with everyone. According the teachings of The Buddha, the life lived without friends is better than the life plagued by unhealthy friendships. The enlightened has relationships in which love is mutual and disconnected from egotistic desires. This relationship of mutual friendship is not built upon selfishness and egoism, but upon the love that comes unconditionally from the center of every being, and this relationship is the most fulfilling form.
In our times, we are taught from a very young age that the concept of love is an emotion, if one not to be taken lightly. But love as an emotion makes love selfish and egoistic in nature. With these selfish intentions and thoughts plaguing the mind, one cannot live well. The true nature of love is built upon mindfulness and awareness for another person. Loving someone means that you not only understand what is important for someone’s well-being, but you promote it in their life. The awakened being is constantly “wide-awake and vigilant ” of their actions and intentions towards others.
For instance, let’s suppose the unenlightened Bob and the enlightened Robert Thurman were standing on the street corner and Quentin, a good friend of both Bob and Robert, drove into the hot dog stand next to them. The car catches fire, ignited by the grease from the hot dog stand, and could explode at any moment. Robert would immediately and instinctively run towards the car to help Quentin, not thinking about his own safety or even comfort. Bob, an ordinary person, spiritually untrained, would either (a) run away in terror, in fear of his own life or perhaps in fear of damaging his brand new Old Navy blue jean pants, or (b) more disturbingly, Bob might attempt to rescue the trapped director in hopes of making the front page of The New York Times. Bob the unawakened thinks only of himself, and acts solely in his own interests. Even in second scenario, where he rescues his friend Quentin, their friendship is tainted by the poisons of Bob’s egocentrism and in essence, Bob is using Quentin’s practical demise for his personal gain.
Another notion widely celebrated in our society is that of a “soul-mate.” This concept is based upon the mutual, natural attraction between two objects shared by all beings, an object which is unperceivable, specifically the human soul. The idea of a soul conflicts with the principle of a non-substance ontology. Non-substance ontology confirms that there exists no single, unperceivable, identifying “soul”, no sub-strata at all, only qualities. The notion that a single bonding quality shared only by two human beings does not enter the mind of the enlightened, who, detached from his self, is free to love unconditionally everyone and everything. In the enlightened world, as Bjork sings in a song of the same name, “all is full of love .”
The enlightened one loves all creation truly, deeply, and honestly, without the poison of selfish thought. Through spiritual training and commitment to the path , the enlightened lives a life devoid of egoism and filled with nothing but love for everything and everyone. This true nature of love is such that it infuses the life of the enlightened one with joy, and through their words and actions, the lives of all those the enlightened one encounters.