{bangtan; taehyung/jeongguk} i just wanna stay in the sun

[nikkumeul]

i just wanna stay in the sun
taehyung/jeongguk // r // ~10.7k
Yesterday, they won the Daesang. Today, Jeongguk wakes up in someone else's arms.


If Jeongguk is honest with himself, he will always have a love-hate relationship with awards season. Hate, because the days are so endlessly long, December crammed to the brim with press conferences and extra dance practice and styling sessions. Because fatigue settles deeper into his bones with the biting Seoul winter. It feels endless, like there's always another rehearsal to go to, another flight to Japan to catch. Jeongguk has long perfected napping at the shop, lulled by the whirring hair dryers and the gentle tugging on his eyelids by his makeup artist, but he wakes up just as tired anyway.

And love, because there's no room left in his chest for any other emotion, because climbing that stage to accept such a big trophy will always feel like the first time, because nothing stops the tears from pouring down his face as Namjoon bends towards the mic to give their acceptance speech. For a Daesang. When they win Artist of the Year at Mnet's MAMA Awards, less than three and a half years after their debut, Jeongguk can sense he's not the only one openly weeping through the end of Namjoon's speech. The tears don't stop, can't stop, even as they return to their seats - he'd felt them building since the syllables Bangtan - started forming in the female announcer's mouth and, once allowed to flow freely, they wrack his body in silent, shuddering sobs with no signs of stopping.

His hyungs tease him for crying so hard, when they sit back along their allotted couches and Jeongguk feels warm, fat tears continue to roll down his cheeks and collect on the underside of his chin. He knows his eyes will be red and swollen, but he doesn't fight it, letting Jimin poke at his jaw fondly and wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand until he gets passed a tissue.

By the time they're back onstage for the ending stage, the tears are flowing quietly, Yoongi and then Hoseok curling an arm around his shoulder in brief but warm succession. Jeongguk just tries to soak the moment in, confetti raining down softly as the hosts close out the ceremony and other idols mingle around him, reminding himself over and over again: We won another Daesang. We won Artist of the Year at the MAMAs. We won a Daesang. We accomplished our greatest goal. The fans' lightsticks bob in the darkness like a sea of multi-colored, twinkling stars, and Jeongguk feels a fresh surge of emotion when he spots the ARMY bombs. The harder he holds onto this feeling, the more likely it won't have all been a dream. More evidence pointing towards the reality that he won't wake up sixteen years old again, three centimeters shorter and still sleeping on the mattress on the ground, back when all seven of them were crammed into one room.

He raises an arm to wave in their ARMYs' general direction, sniffling, when he feels a hand curl around his shoulders and pull him into a hug. It's Taehyung, because of course it's Taehyung, his cheek fitting in the curve of Jeongguk's neck and laughter ringing in Jeongguk's ears. The silvery threads and sequins of his blazer are rough under Jeongguk's fingertips as he hugs Taehyung back, hard, and he knows this is reality.

"Don't cry! We won a Daesang!" Taehyung says excitedly, echoing Jeongguk's internal mantra, the happiness and disbelief and awe all there in his voice, too.

"Yeah," Jeongguk chokes out, and he feels Taehyung patting his back firmly, the force of his hug tipping them backwards a step. He's so happy, and lucky, and they're sharing this moment right here in Hong Kong at the MAMAs, where they've just won a Daesang. It's only fitting they're here together. All the grueling hours of songwriting and recording and filming have bloomed into an accomplishment Jeongguk used to imagine with wonder and doubt, something that once felt like it'd always remain in the realm of dreams. He clings on harder to Taehyung's waist and thinks to himself, I wish I could keep this.

♫

Jeongguk wakes up very warm.

Luxuriously so, warmer than he is even when he forgets to close his makeshift curtains during a summer day and sunlight spills across the sheets. The ventilation isn't that great in his Golden Closet and - and he still must be in Hong Kong and that's besides the point now. It takes him an embarrassingly long moment to realize there's an arm wrapped around his waist, familiar fingers curled against his stomach, and then to follow that arm to the body curled up behind him.

He nearly screams and launches himself out of the hotel bed, but catches himself before the sound can erupt from his throat and wake Taehyung up. Because Taehyung is in his bed, and Jeongguk glances down again to confirm that, yes, he is spooning him. Kim Taehyung is in his bed, spooning him, his face slack with sleep yet somehow still pretty.

Taehyung is also shirtless, and Jeongguk looks down again to realize he is, too. He's nearly naked, actually, and he thanks whatever powers that be that they're at least wearing their underwear. When he wriggles out of Taehyung's embrace a bit, he can see a hickey at the base of Taehyung's throat and it looks fresh, the phantom taste of Taehyung's sweat and skin in Jeongguk's mouth when he gazes at it. He can glimpse a trail of them, curling down Taehyung's chest and out of sight beneath the sheets.

"Mmm, Jeonggukie, stop moving. 'M sleeping here," Taehyung mumbles without opening his eyes, and his voice is scratchy and low and just as unbearably cute as it had been when they were living together in the trailer for Bon Voyage filming.

"Sorry," Jeongguk says, automatically lowering his voice to a whisper. "I just...needed to pee."

"Oh," Taehyung says, and his arms tighten for a moment around Jeongguk's waist before they relax and slide away, Taehyung burrowing deeper under the blankets. "Hurry up and don't let the warm air out."

"Okay," Jeongguk says, as if he's not going to go sit on the rim of the bathtub and Flip The Fuck Out over the fact that he and Taehyung are apparently not only on morning cuddling terms, but also on post-Daesang-winning celebratory sex terms, if the satisfied hum of his body is anything to judge by. What kind of impossible, wonderful alternate reality has he woken up in that he and Taehyung are like that?

The bathtub is cold under his ass through the one thin layer he's wearing, and Jeongguk is tempted to slap himself in the face so he can wake up from this dream. Or nightmare, or maybe some alcohol-borne fantasy after going too hard last night. Or whatever dimension it is in which he wakes up with Taehyung in his bed, languid and soft and curled around Jeongguk's body, seemingly unsurprised by the fact they are engaging in post-coitus snuggles during their morning after. It's not even awkward, Taehyung slumbering on as if he wakes up with copious hickeys - that Jeongguk apparently put there, and he doesn't even have the clarity of memory to relive it - all the time. Maybe this even counts as pre-coitus, since it doesn't seem too far-fetched all of a sudden that Jeongguk would have lazy morning sex with this Taehyung. Anything goes in a dream, right?

Jeongguk rakes his hand through his hair, making a face at the brittle leftover gel from last night's styling, and then yelps in pain when a few strands get caught. He thought he'd taken off all his rings along with his performance outfit before leaving the ceremony venue, moving hastily at the nagging of their coordi noonas, but Jeongguk brings his hand up to his face and notices the ring for the first time. It's slim and silver, like most of his accessories, and its design of engraved lines is relatively simple. It's also sitting on the ring finger of his left hand.

What.

It feels strange and almost wrong to take the ring off, as if it sits on his hand regularly enough for his body to remember its place there, but Jeongguk eventually shakes it into his right palm and inspects it thoroughly. Surely he's never seen this ring before in his life, but here it is, a bit duller around the edges as if by mere wear and tear of his day-to-day life. Then he catches sight of the engraving inside: TH & JK in neat, elegant letters.

Oh, shit, fuck. Jeongguk mechanically slips the ring back on and it settles into place on his finger, feels right in a bone-deep way that Jeongguk already knows isn't just physical. He knows he should go back to bed and check if Taehyung has the matching one, but Jeongguk already knows he does.

If they're married, then they must have lazy morning sex. And the post-Daesang-winning celebratory sex that put Jeongguk's hickeys on Taehyung's neck in the first place. Oh, god. Fuck. This has to be a dream, no one should even know how he feels about Taehyung - how he has felt for years now. Jeongguk is about to scream on the tops of his lungs or maybe slap himself after all, when Taehyung's voice calls plaintively from the other room, "Jeonggukie? You okay?"

"Yes," Jeongguk calls back, a liar. He is a lying liar who lies.

"Are you feeling all right? You're taking a while in there," Taehyung says, worriedly, and Jeongguk can hear the shuffling of the sheets as if Taehyung is starting to get up. If he walks in on Jeongguk tripping balls in the hotel bathroom, he might come to his senses first and freak out, too, and this strange universe will come crashing down on Jeongguk's head out of sheer spite.

Jeongguk doesn't want that to happen, so he darts back into the bedroom and feels his heart do something treacherous and achy at the sight of Taehyung sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes, the blankets pooling around his hips. Wow, Jeongguk thinks dazedly. The trail of hickeys does reach all the way down to the waistband of his underwear. Kudos to his alternate self for putting in maximum effort. "I'm here, I'm fine," Jeongguk says hurriedly when Taehyung turns the full force of his sleepy pout on Jeongguk, who is a weak man and folds like the taped-up house of cards in their Run music video.

"Come back to bed," Taehyung demands, and Jeongguk obeys immediately, helpless in the face of what seems to be an accumulation of all of his dreams and fantasies over the past three years. Maybe he is dreaming, a really good fucking dream his subconscious has decided to reward him with for winning the Daesang, and any moment now one of the managers will come bang on his hotel room door to wake him up.

But if this is a dream, it's hyperrealistic, down to the radiating warmth of Taehyung's skin as he presses close and pillows his head on Jeongguk's chest with a happy sigh. Jeongguk tentatively raises his hand to Taehyung's hair and cards his fingers through the silky strands, careful not to get them caught on his wedding ring. Oh, Jesus, fuck, his ring is still on his hand. Thankfully, Taehyung seems content to cuddle quietly, dropping off into a doze as Jeongguk resumes his epic balltrip. In - in reality, or whatever, he's shared a bed with Taehyung enough times for it to be normal, or at least as normal as it can be when Jeongguk has been harboring the greatest secret crush in the history of secret crushes on his groupmate for years. Sometimes he can physically feel it on his face, the adoration in his expression when he looks at Taehyung too long. But even when he'd gone out on a limb to join Taehyung in his narrow twin bed in the trailer, Taehyung had simply accepted his sleepy grumble in response to his questions, Huh? What are you doing here? and settled back down, oblivious to the hammering of Jeongguk's heart in his chest as he feigned sleep.

How they've gone from Taehyung reaching over to burrow his hand in his hair and scritch at his scalp on a whim, from Jeongguk plucking up the courage to curl his arms around Taehyung's waist from behind without holding on too hard, to this is beyond what Jeongguk can reasonably fathom. There's a limit to their friendship and sex, marriage, are as far beyond that line as you can possibly get. This can't not be a dream when Jeongguk's just been served everything he's ever longed for on a silver platter; he may be forgetful from time to time, and Hobeom hyung will never completely forgive him for losing his laptop once, but he's certain he wouldn't possibly have forgotten getting married to his best friend. And secret crush.

It's clear Taehyung is done dozing when he snuffles awake again, leaving a gentle trail of kisses along Jeongguk's jaw. Jeongguk promptly decides he would be very okay with dying in this alternate reality, and that there are worse moments in life to be getting a boner. Who could blame him, with the way they're plastered together, or the gratified sound Taehyung makes when Jeongguk smoothes his free hand down Taehyung's back, following the tapering muscles down to his waist but stopping before he dips past Taehyung's waistband. "Jeonggukie," Taehyung complains. "Don't tease."

"I'm not teasing," Jeongguk says, and Taehyung props himself up on Jeongguk's chest to frown down at him in feigned indignation. His hair is sticking up in the back where Jeongguk's been absently stroking it, and Jeongguk half-heartedly tries to pat it down, which earns him a fond smile. His whole body is overly attentive to every point of contact it shares with Taehyung's, skin to skin, his husband cradled against his torso and between his legs.

"Kiss me," Taehyung murmurs, and again, Jeongguk can't help but listen. He wants - has wanted - this so bad his chest nearly aches with the force of it, drinking in the soft moans Taehyung relents whenever their mouths meet as if he'd never been resisting in the first place.

When Taehyung puts his hand to Jeongguk's cheek, it feels entirely natural to turn his head and kiss the center of Taehyung's palm, then again on the smooth metal band nestled at the base of Taehyung's ring finger. Jeongguk knows that the same exact inscription is engraved on this ring, TH & JK, hidden from the rest of the world against Taehyung's skin. Taehyung looks wrecked at the sight of it, and that sucks the most, maybe, the way Taehyung is looking at him like Jeongguk's always longed for him to.

"Jeonggukie," Taehyung says hoarsely, and Jeongguk brings their mouths together again before Taehyung can say anything else. He never thought he'd get to hear the shallow gasps and moans Taehyung makes as he grinds down against Jeongguk's abs. They've caught each other jerking off before - they all have, it's impossible to not when they've lived together in close quarters for years - but Taehyung's making them in Jeongguk's arms right now.

An alarm goes off that Jeongguk recognizes from his phone, and he's about to ignore it and keep making out with Taehyung when Taehyung's phone goes off across the room seconds later, as if on cue. Taehyung groans and grudgingly untangles his limbs from Jeongguk's to retrieve it, Jeongguk twisting toward his phone on the bedside dresser to hide the sudden flushing of his cheeks. The three alarms before it have been snoozed over the past hour, countdowns ticking, and the one that just went off is his last chance alarm, aptly named WAKE THE FUCK UP DUMBASS YOU'RE LATE. He glances up at Taehyung, who flashes him a guilty, secretive smile before going back to tapping out a quick text.

The phone in his hand pings with a notification as Jeongguk is giving himself a pep talk to get out of the lingering warmth of bed, admittedly with the bribe of going over to Taehyung where he's got his hip cocked against the desk, legs long and golden in the morning light. It's from Jimin: is taehyung at your room again????

yep, Jeongguk sends back, unsure what else to add. 'Yep, I woke up married to him and apparently we bang on the regular, would you happen to know something about that?'

Jimin replies fast, nearly immediately, but they all know he never puts his phone down. i told him you guys would be late!! hurry the fuck up, we're all waiting in the parking lot

"Jimin nagging you, too?" Taehyung laughs, putting his phone back down and come back to stand between Jeongguk's legs where he's sitting on the edge of the bed. Holy shit, this has to be a dream, cause somehow Jeongguk has persuaded this gorgeous boy to marry him and Taehyung doesn't seem to be deceived or hypnotized, which only leaves the option that he willingly accepted Jeongguk's 20-year-old hand in marriage. The date is correct, December 3rd, the day after the 2016 MAMA Awards, and they've got a flight scheduled to return to Seoul. A flight that he and Taehyung are admittedly running late for.

"He's as bad as Hoseokie hyung lately," Jeongguk says, curling his arms around Taehyung, flight be damned.

Taehyung smiles down at him and Jeongguk's traitor heart does the thing again. "I told you, he's just bitter we kept it a secret until after the fact and didn't even invite him to witness."

Fuck him, he and Taehyung got somehow secretly married and only told their group members, if only Jimin, after the deed was done. Alternate Jeongguk is either a dumbass or a genius and if they ever meet, Jeongguk is going to shake his damn hand for pulling this off. "I'm surprised he hasn't punched me yet," Jeongguk says, because Jimin would do it.

"That's definitely manlier than crying with happiness for his newlywed best friend," Taehyung says, nodding solemnly. Jeongguk can't resist kissing him again, hearing that word from his mouth, his open acknowledgment.

They get interrupted again, sooner this time, by calls to both of their phones by their impatient managers, Namjoon's chagrined voice in the background. Jeongguk scrambles into his clothes, pulling up the zipper of his leather jacket, and steps behind Taehyung in front of the mirror to tuck his collar into place beneath his soft sweater. Luckily, the hickeys are all covered up, and Taehyung's already got his face mask hooked to one ear.

"If you kiss me again, we'll never leave, and then Bangtan will have to continue as a five-member group because the manager hyungs will have flung our asses out the window," Taehyung says reproachfully when their eyes meet in the mirror.

"I would never," Jeongguk says. He watches silently as Taehyung produces a pair of thin silver necklaces out of his pocket, his deft fingers working to untangle the chains before handing one to Jeongguk and slip his own wedding ring onto the other. He brings it up to his neck, fastening the clasp and tucking the ring carefully underneath his sweater and shirt. The way he goes through the movements is so well-practiced, as if he does this every day. Maybe he does.

"Jeonggukie?" Taehyung says quietly, and Jeongguk startles and looks up at Taehyung's face, realizing he hasn't moved since accepting his own chain. "I know it bothers you that we can't wear them all the time. I'm sorry."

"No," Jeongguk says automatically, then tries again with more resolve. "No, Taehyung. I get it, don't apologize." It's a given they have to keep their relationship under wraps, especially one with each other. News reporters and anti-fans are always around them, watching like circling vultures, and Jeongguk cringes at the idea of this tenderness between them broadcasted for the whole world to see; he knows without a doubt that the two of them would shield this secret for years if they had to. He doesn't want Taehyung to feel sorry for that.

Taehyung's eyebrows furrow but he doesn't object, reaching out to help Jeongguk put his necklace on as well, his touch so unbearably gentle as he settles the wedding ring below the edge of Jeongguk's shirt collar. He doesn't see it coming when Taehyung leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth softly, but he's pulling away to retrieve Jeongguk's black face mask before Jeongguk can react.

Down in the parking lot, they're given a few exasperated looks and Jeongguk can see the beginnings of a mischievous smile on Jimin's face, ready to tease, but their managers shuttle them towards the waiting vans before Jimin can say anything. Taehyung follows Jeongguk into the backseat and knocks back out on Jeongguk's shoulder, warm against Jeongguk's side and his breathing even despite the occasional bumps along the highway. Jeongguk seizes this opportunity to backtrack Twitter, Naver News, his Kakao messages, anything. Online, there's the flood of news articles about their awards and performances at the MAMAs, and past that, airport previews of their arrival in Hong Kong. He does remember Taehyung's arm around his neck in the press of security and fans and not having to hide his smile behind his face mask, but they're wearing their silver necklaces in these fancams, faintly glimmering whenever the metal happens to catch the bright camera flashes.

His Kakao isn't much helpful either, which makes sense. It takes a while to find them, but he thinks he's in the right time frame when he finds three entire scrolls of shocked Kakao Friends stickers in the Bangtan group chat, mostly from Hoseok, around May 2016. Conversations about getting married to your group member aren't really something to be discussed over text, and he finds a very serious conversation with his hyung telling him to call him as soon as possible. Oh, fuck, Jeongguk hadn't even considered his parents - do they know? Or did he just tell his hyung and swore him to secrecy to keep the marriage under wraps? It's not like he can tug Jimin aside and ask him for answers because he should know this, it's his own damn marriage. He's just trying to bluff his way through this without being caught and ratted out as an imposter, and then poor alternate Jeongguk will come back to find his marriage in shambles.

The flight back to Incheon isn't that long, but Taehyung takes Jeongguk's hand under the cover of the airline-issued blanket and looks out the window as if he isn't playing idly with Jeongguk's fingers and setting his heart pounding again. He keeps lingering over Jeongguk's ring finger and rubbing at where it meets his palm, like he misses the ring, and Jeongguk suddenly wonders whether he's the one who owes Taehyung the apology instead.

"Hey," he breathes, trying not to wake Yoongi, who's curled up loosely in the aisle seat, earbuds in and head propped up with a neck pillow. Yoongi hyung sleeps lightly and it's early enough that the majority of the plane seems to have opted for naps as well, a few murmured conversations mostly smothered by the whirring of the plane engines.

Taehyung turns to him, raising his eyebrows curiously. He doesn't say anything, just waiting for Jeongguk to go on, but his gaze softens when Jeongguk intertwines their fingers on impulse and squeezes. Even before today, even in Jeongguk's world, Taehyung's been quieter than usual lately, no doubt tired by the additional weight of his Hwarang schedules. Though he's left the long days of practicing and filming behind, their pre-release promotions will only continue to ramp up towards the on-air launch, regardless of Bangtan's Japanese fanmeet tour, regardless of the numerous awards ceremonies. Jeongguk's only thankful that their promotions for Blood, Sweat, and Tears have ended, so Taehyung won't have to work double-time with all his photoshoots, interviews, and press conferences.

It's been a little strange, seeing the previews for the High Cut photoshoot, where that boy is Kim Taehyung the actor, not Bangtan's V. Taehyung takes to being the maknae well, maybe even better than Jeongguk has, and all of his co-stars are...very handsome. He knows Taehyung texts them regularly, Jihan and Hyungsik and Seojoon and SHINee's Minho. The difference is, in this world - whether it's a dream, or whether he's really woken up in another dimension of reality - Jeongguk can feel his wedding ring against his chest, warmed to his body temperature underneath his shirt, and settle the ugly claws of jealousy in his belly.

"Are you…okay? Everything's fine?" Jeongguk says, fumbling now that he's got Taehyung's attention. He's not too sure what he wants to ask, really. They're already close, but they must be even closer if they're married, and he wants Taehyung to know he'll always be around. He'll always be there for him. Though he supposes marriage vows are as good of a way to convey that message as any.

"Of course I am," Taehyung says, squeezing Jeongguk's hand back. The I've got you goes unsaid, but Jeongguk meets Taehyung's eyes and knows they've both heard it.

♫

By the time they reach the dorms, Jeongguk kind of feels like he's going to fall asleep on his feet, even though all they've technically done today is fly back from Hong Kong. Hoseok and Jimin put down their bags in their room and then leave immediately, no doubt to practice for their next special dance stage; the cheers had been nearly deafening during their Boy Meets Evil introduction stage at the MAMAs, and Jeongguk isn't surprised they're feeling invigorated.

Taehyung, though, sticks close to Jeongguk's side. In the van ride back to the dorms, he'd curled an arm around Jeongguk's shoulders and no one had bat an eye, not that they had any particular reason to. He keeps reminding himself that this level of touchiness would be completely normal, even if they weren't married, though perhaps the very fact that it would be normal regardless of the universe is something to keep in mind. Their industry sees skinship as a given, fanservice and a marketing tactic wrapped in one, but no one ever explained where the persistent need to touch comes from, the one that insists Jeongguk curl a hand around the back of Taehyung's neck, his arms around his waist.

"How's your back doing?" Taehyung murmurs into Jeongguk's ear. He hooks his chin over Jeongguk's shoulder, his chest pressed to Jeongguk's back, and Jeongguk wonders how he stays so warm even as temperatures in Seoul drop to single digits.

His backache had flared up at the airport earlier, but luckily, even in the chaos of the airport welcome, two of their manager hyungs had stuck close enough to support Jeongguk before he ate shit in the middle of the crowd. Taehyung had fussed over him in the van despite how Jeongguk tried to calm him down, cuddling close and tugging Jeongguk's hands into his lap worriedly. It's no worse than the soreness he'd experienced after the Blood, Sweat, and Tears MV filming, he just needs a few days to recuperate, but Taehyung doesn't look particularly reassured even when Jeongguk tells him that.

"I told you, I'm fine," Jeongguk says, feeling a bit sheepish under Taehyung's worried scrutiny. Taehyung sighs at him, but he doesn't look angry, just somewhat put out as he starts propelling Jeongguk down the hallway.

It turns out they do share Golden Closet, Taehyung's presence evident in a space Jeongguk has become so accustomed to thinking of as his own - one of Taehyung's many berets sits on Jeongguk's desk as if he was debating between it and the one he is wearing now, and left it amid Jeongguk's drafts of lyrics on scratch paper and empty snack wrappers in their rush to leave. There are Hwarang scripts on the shelves, next to Jeongguk's English textbooks and half-filled notebooks, and what looks like roughly half of Taehyung's colorful wardrobe occupies the space next to Jeongguk's row of white t-shirts.

There are a few polaroids of them pinned to the wall over Jeongguk's desk that weren't there the day before, three captured moments in time lined up neatly underneath a cool-looking poster he had commandeered from Bangtan Room, back when the hyungs were moving out into their own separate studios. Jeongguk peers at them as Taehyung goes to put up his coat and recognizes them from Sweden, or maybe Norway, the two of them beaming at the camera and holding up their left hands besides their faces. The lighting is crap, with the sky a darkening expanse of blue behind their heads, but Jeongguk knows what it is.

"What, you're looking at those again?" Taehyung says from behind him. Jeongguk glances back and takes in the sight of Taehyung curled up in his top bunk bed, cheek pillowed on his arms where Jeongguk puts his head every night. Wishes he could take a photograph of this, too.

"Can you blame me?" Jeongguk asks.

"Of course not," Taehyung says, smiling a small, intimate smile that Jeongguk has seen before, flashes of it, when Jeongguk handed him a water bottle after a particularly tough practice, or after they'd played through a spontaneous skit. When he leaned back into Taehyung's touch, even when they both knew they were off-camera. And now he looks at it openly, achingly, and marvels at his heart's ability to feel so full and empty at the same time.

Their faces are partially shrouded by beanies pulled low, face masks hooked under their chins, but the exhilaration and joy is undeniable. The rings look as if they were bought from one of the European street vendors, but the way they look at their hands and each other feels infinitely precious. Jeongguk wonders where the papers for their marriage are, probably stashed away somewhere in Golden Closet, in a language they can't even read.

"Jeonggukie," Taehyung says, and the quiet intimacy is in his voice, too, reminiscent of their warmth this morning, "you should rest. Come here."

With Taehyung's touching at the usual level under the public eye, he's been somewhat lulled into complacency that nothing's changed, save for the rings he and Taehyung returned to their proper places, but when Jeongguk shucks off his outer clothes and crawls into bed, he's reminded that things is different. Taehyung as his husband immediately curls up against Jeongguk's side and fusses until he's half on top of him, with a leg slung between Jeongguk's and his cheek shifted from Jeongguk's pillow onto his shoulder.

"Hi," Jeongguk whispers. They'd shared a bed already, but it's not the same when they're in his studio, his bedroom for all intents and purposes. Their faces are close enough for Jeongguk to notice the leftover smudges of eye makeup on Taehyung's right eyelid, his long eyelashes. How soft his mouth looks.

Taehyung laughs a little and nuzzles Jeongguk's cheek. "Hi yourself."

It's a wonder Taehyung hasn't noticed something off about him yet, but that probably has to do with the way Jeongguk's body surrenders when Taehyung scoots even closer to kiss him. When they're kissing, Jeongguk doesn't have room left to wonder how they ended up married when he didn't even dare to hope Taehyung liked him back, because Taehyung sounds so pleased, smiling against Jeongguk's lips. Because Taehyung is right here, in Jeongguk's bed, and when Jeongguk dares to tighten his hold on Taehyung's waist, Taehyung gasps out his name approvingly.

Jeongguk groans when Taehyung nips at his bottom lip, then licks into Jeongguk's mouth, his tongue wet and almost hot. Maybe this is a wet dream, with an entire morning of build up, and he's going to wake up and have to do an extra load of laundry. But no dream Jeongguk's ever had has felt this real, his body flushing with heat as Taehyung rucks Jeongguk's shirt up to his belly and runs his fingers along the ridges of his abs.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk chokes out, and he can hardly recognize his own voice, stripped raw. Taehyung is watching his own fingers intensely, admiringly, and Jeongguk can't help himself when he realizes Taehyung is hard in his underwear because of him.

Taehyung doesn't even resist when Jeongguk rolls him over, matching his frantic kissing with just as much urgency and fisting his hands in the fabric of Jeongguk's shirt, and the reversal in their position has settled Jeongguk between Taehyung's spread legs. "Yes, please, Jeongguk," Taehyung begs at Jeongguk's first tentative grind, and the desperation of his pleas strikes Jeongguk in the gut, heat pooling, trickling down the length of his spine. He won't need to commit this moment to memory because it's already ingrained in his mind, the way Taehyung moans his name like a mantra and clings to Jeongguk's back and flings his head against the pillow to expose the length of his throat as he comes.

He can't help but edge in a couple more rolls of his hips before Taehyung whimpers at the oversensitivity, his cock trapped in the now-damp fabric. "S-Sorry," Jeongguk says, panting, propping himself up over Taehyung on one elbow so he can see his expression.

"Why are you apologizing?" Taehyung says petulantly, though the effect is somewhat countered by the lazy satisfaction on his face. "Do it - I know you're close."

Jeongguk shudders at the certainty in his voice and gives in to the urge to grind against the line of Taehyung's hip, Taehyung whispering filth and encouragement until the orgasm hits him out of nowhere, his pace stuttering just as Taehyung pulls Jeongguk into a hard kiss. It's the best orgasm he's had in ages, pleasure flooding his body in endless, electric waves, and all Jeongguk can do is try his best not to crush Taehyung beneath him as his arm gives out.

On his part, Taehyung doesn't seem to mind being pinned beneath Jeongguk's body much, curling his arms around Jeongguk's waist and intertwining his fingers at the small of Jeongguk's back. He tips his face up, and Jeongguk can't resist kissing him one more time, languid and unhurried this time.

"Good?" Taehyung whispers, and Jeongguk groans weakly in reply, trying to get his brain started again. Taehyung's giggles reverberate against his ribcage and it's almost just as good, just as amazing, that they're lying together like this even with the sticky mess caught between their stomachs. It's quiet except for the sounds of their breaths slowly evening out, Taehyung's hand stroking up and down the length of Jeongguk's back until he says finally, "You've been kind of quiet today, Jeonggukie."

"H-Have I?" Jeongguk says, startling into alertness a little too quickly.

Taehyung blinks up at him, his expression a mixture of bewilderment and concern - and thankfully for Jeongguk, no trace of suspicion. Jeongguk hurriedly settles back down, beside Taehyung this time. "Quieter than usual. Are you tired? Or is your back bothering you?"

Jeongguk latches onto the easy excuses with relief. "Just a bit tired, but who isn't," he says, and impulsively reaches up to smooth out the furrow between Taehyung's eyebrows. "I'm fine, hyung. Seriously. You don't have to worry about my back."

"I just don't want it to become any more severe," Taehyung says, letting his voice trail off as Jeongguk drops his hand. Taehyung catches it and cages it against his chest, curling his fingers around Jeongguk's palm. "You'll tell me if it hurts more?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk says gently. Taehyung lets him go with gratifying reluctance when Jeongguk tries to pull away, just enough to strip his shirt the rest of the way over his head and mop at their stomachs haphazardly.

"Wow, this is the best aftercare," Taehyung teases.

Jeongguk lobs his dirtied shirt over the railing of his bunk in the general direction of his laundry basket; he had to do a load of laundry soon anyway, they've been so busy lately that he hasn't had the time. "I'll show you aftercare," he mutters and tugs the blankets over them properly.

"Yeah?" Taehyung asks, eyes alight with mischief. Thankfully, the heavy atmosphere has all but completely dissipated, and Taehyung happily snuggles up against Jeongguk's side again. It's barely been half a day and he already feels like he belongs there. But if Jeongguk thinks about it, it's really been much longer than half a day, hasn't it? Whether during video game marathons or late night convenience store runs, during days of back-to-back schedules or travelling overseas by plane or train or bus, Taehyung's always been right here by his side.

"Yeah," Jeongguk says, yawning around the word. He kind of expected getting off with Taehyung would've decisively launched Flip The Fuck Out: Round 2, but fatigue wins out and Jeongguk slips into dreamless sleep.

♫

They're woken a couple hours later by Jimin banging on the door and calling their names. "Jeongguk! Taehyung! I know you guys are in there!"

"What the fuck do you want?" Jeongguk shouts back, and Taehyung grumbles crossly at the volume and buries his face against Jeongguk's chest.

"Rude!" Jimin replies, still too loud for someone who's literally standing on the other side of the door. Golden Closet isn't huge, they can hear him just fine, and Jeongguk considers whether Taehyung would be mad if he knocked out his best friend. Maybe husband and best friend ranks over just best friend. "It's like two in the afternoon and we're ordering delivery for some late lunch. What do you guys want?"

"Where's Seokjin hyung?" Jeongguk asks. "I thought he wanted to cook the leftover galbi in the fridge."

"I don't even remember when he marinated it. Anyway, he had to go the studio for the last check for his Awake release, you know, the Christmas version he's doing with Slow Rabbit hyung. Tell me your orders so Hoseok hyung can call for them already, I'm starving!" Jimin complains.

Jeongguk quickly consults with Taehyung, who mostly cracks an eye open to stare at him balefully until Jeongguk lets him go back to sleep. "Just get us both jjajangmyeon."

"Okay, I'll let you know when it gets here," Jimin says, his voice already receding with his footsteps.

That leaves them in blissful silence once more, and Jeongguk relaxes back against his pillow. Jimin and Hoseok must be back from their extra dance practice, and Jeongguk has no doubt Namjoon and Yoongi are in their respective studios. Every time he dropped by Mon Studio on the way back from the Big Hit offices recently, he found Namjoon immersed in working on his next mixtape. After the success of Wings, the pressure is on, but Jeongguk is always astounded by how Namjoon and Yoongi, even Hoseok lately, thrive despite such daunting expectations, time and time again. He can only hope his own songwriting prowess will reach such heights someday.

He'll work on his own music for some time today, maybe go hit the gym later, but for now Jeongguk is content to drowse in Taehyung's warmth until their lunch arrives. He hadn't thought of it earlier, but he's starving, too; the last time they'd had anything to eat was a quick snack on their flight back from Hong Kong, and that was hours ago.

"Your stomach is so loud," Taehyung says, smothering his laugh against Jeongguk's collarbone. He's still holding Jeongguk's left hand in his own, curled against his chest as if it's the only place where he can keep it safe. Jeongguk's still wearing his wedding ring, so maybe this isn't a dream at all, but rather his new reality.

"I'm hungry," Jeongguk says pitifully. Now that he's realized how hungry he is, there's no way to think anything else - except when Taehyung wriggles up to peck him on the lips. He can definitely think about that. If his new reality entails Taehyung kissing him and giving him beseeching eyes until Jeongguk kisses him back, Jeongguk isn't complaining.

Taehyung is just kissing and nipping down the side of Jeongguk's throat when Jimin returns, and Jeongguk strokes the dimples at the base of Taehyung's spine as Taehyung groans frustratedly. "If you don't come out now, the food will get cold!"

"Go away, Jimin!" Taehyung yells back, and Jimin only laughs.

And then he's gone again, and Jeongguk looks hopefully at Taehyung. "The food will get cold?" he tries, and Taehyung rolls his eyes and presses a kiss to Jeongguk's mouth.

It's just as hard to drag himself out of bed as it was this morning, looking down at Taehyung whining at the dried come on his belly as he wriggles out of his underwear and reaches for the wet wipes. There's no way Jeongguk's mind could dream up Taehyung's back, the curve of his waist into his ass, the backs of his thighs, and he has to drag his gaze away so he doesn't bang his forehead against his own bed ladder while scrambling down. Taehyung even reaches into Jeongguk's underwear drawer for a fresh pair of his own. God, they're so married.

Lunch isn't much different than it usually is, sitting around the dining table where Jimin and Hoseok are laying out a spread of food that Jeongguk wants to put his face in. Starting with the dwaeji gukbap. Jimin grumbles when Jeongguk helps himself, as if he didn't order double just in case, and Jeongguk almost cries a little when the food hits his tongue. There's a restaurant in their neighborhood that's owned by an ahjumma from Busan who makes dwaeji gukbap almost exactly how Jeongguk grew up eating it, and it's the perfect balm after the crush of awards ceremonies and Japanese tour stops.

When Jeongguk looks up from inhaling (and occasionally choking) on his jjajangmyeon, Taehyung's turned from his conversation with Hoseok to watch him with laughing eyes. A hickey is visible above the collar of his shirt. "It's not going anywhere, babe, you can slow down."

Jimin pretends to gag at the endearment, but Jeongguk can only flush, suddenly shy. Of course they call each other sweet things like this. "Yeah, okay."

"You guys are gross," Jimin says with relish, and Taehyung merely hums as he steals a slice of yellow pickled radish from Jeongguk's bowl. Jeongguk surreptitiously glances at Jimin and Hoseok's faces before he digs back in; they don't seem to realize anything's different about him either. As if it's completely normal that Jeongguk and Taehyung are wearing matching rings on their left hands, and have been for almost half a year now.

It takes all the self-restraint Jeongguk has to not go for Jimin's share of dwaeji gukbap when he's done, but it's probably better if he stops eating now so he won't knock out trying to work on his music. Taehyung has something to film for Hwarang, a message for the viewers to air before December 19th, so Jeongguk's left to his own devices for a few hours. Without Taehyung, even the sounds of his breathing or tapping at his phone, the room is left strangely quiet. He pokes at some of his half-finished covers, then accidentally ends up on the Internet, monitoring their recent performances in fancams from MAMAs, the Melon Awards. He can see so many places where he could've hit a note better, danced harder, and has to jerk himself out of it before he lets frustration ruin his productivity. They'll be heading back to Japan, Nagoya this time, on Monday morning, so Jeongguk wants to make the most of this weekend.

He pulls up a melody line he's been working on lately and floods his headphones with it, letting the song pulse through his body as he looks over his old drafts of lyrics. Jeongguk knows he isn't the most expressive with words - he struggles with voicing his thoughts and feelings as it is - but after working with Namjoon to write Begin, Jeongguk's determined to write his own song next time, just like his hyungs have done.

Maybe this alternate reality favors his muse, because Jeongguk finds himself slowly but steadily scrawling out an entirely new set of lyrics for this song, about dreams. Dreams coming true. About how it felt to wake up with something he'd always wanted right in front of his eyes, and wavering between second guessing how long he'd be able to keep it and throwing himself wholeheartedly into enjoying it. Jeongguk almost feels like he has room in his chest to do both, every time he looks at Taehyung. He still has no idea how he wound up married to Taehyung in the first place, beyond the logistics of an apparent shotgun wedding in Northern Europe. He's so damn happy now that the initial shock and incredulity has passed, and Taehyung seems happy, too. Did he say something? Or did...Taehyung?

He's surprised when he looks over the lyrics when he's done with the first draft and doesn't immediately hate them. They feel good enough that he might actually bring them to Namjoon hyung for a look, and definitely good enough that Jeongguk closes his laptop and stretches his arms over his head, back cracking. More time has gone by than he'd thought, but there's still a couple hours to squeeze in a work out before Taehyung said he'd be back from filming.

By the time he comes out of the shower, Taehyung is there, bundled in Jeongguk's Daffy Duck blanket and watching a video on his phone. "Nice view," Taehyung says cheerfully when he looks up to see Jeongguk shirtless, towel still slung around his neck.

"Gotta keep you coming back somehow," Jeongguk says, only half joking. He's toweling his hair dry, so he doesn't see Taehyung stand up, just hears the creak of his chair and footsteps before Taehyung's hands slide around his waist.

"Did you get a lot done?" Taehyung asks, reaching up to smooth Jeongguk's ruffled bangs back.

"Yeah, I actually did for once," Jeongguk says. Taehyung's face is so close, and he hasn't washed his face since he got back from his schedule, so Jeongguk can see the layer of makeup masking his blemishes for a camera that has no place in this room, their home. Despite the foundation, Jeongguk leans in to kiss the tip of Taehyung's nose, where he knows one of the moles are hidden.

Taehyung wrinkles his nose, a smile teasing at the corners of his lips. "Will you show me?"

"Of course I will," Jeongguk says. "When it's done. Shower's free now, if you want to wash up."

"Okay," Taehyung says, and kisses Jeongguk again before he goes. Jeongguk goes through his usual post-shower routine of lotions and facial creams, briskly rubbing them into his skin, and then puts on a clean shirt so he can go raid the fridge for a snack before dinner.

He comes back with some warmed leftovers from lunch and picks a playlist for background noise, humming along between bites of japchae. A hand reaches over to steal his chopsticks from his hand, and Jeongguk glances up to Taehyung helping himself to a bite, his blow dried hair fluffy behind a headband. "Hyung, get your own food!"

"But yours is right here," Taehyung says playfully.

He holds the chopsticks out of reach when Jeongguk tries to snatch them back, and Jeongguk whines and catches onto Taehyung's sleeve. Taehyung is wearing a sweater with a generously wide collar, surprisingly soft under Jeongguk's fingertips, and he lets go before he stretches out the fabric. "Taehyung."

"Okay," Taehyung says, letting Jeongguk take back his chopsticks. "Then will you feed me?"

Jeongguk feels the blush steal across his cheeks almost instantly when Taehyung lets his eyes fall shut and opens his mouth. For a moment, the only things Jeongguk can hear are Troye Sivan's voice crooning quietly in the background and his own stuttering heartbeat, thundering away in his ears. Everything else is drowned out from his mind at the sight of Taehyung sitting before him and waiting so patiently, as if he has no idea how vulnerable he looks - or maybe he does know, and it's fine, because this is Jeongguk.

He knows he's staring longer than necessary - his lips, fuck, his tongue - and hastens to scoop up a bite of japchae to feed him, because Jeongguk is whipped as hell for Taehyung, husband or not. Taehyung chews and swallows, opening his eyes to meet Jeongguk's. "Thank you," he says, unbearably sweet.

"You're welcome," Jeongguk says, and hands back the chopsticks for Taehyung to continue eating before Taehyung asks him to do it again and Jeongguk's blush consumes his entire face, all the way to the tips of his ears.

They're almost done with the bowl of japchae when Taehyung brings it up. "I got a weird text from Jimin earlier. He asked me if I made a wish on the Daesang?"

"Made a wish on the Daesang?" Jeongguk echos.

"Yeah," Taehyung says, reaching into his pocket to pull his phone back out, the yellow Kakao welcome screen appearing as the app loads his conversations. He takes a moment to scroll through his chatroom with Jimin. "Let's see… He said Taemin hyung texted him earlier today and asked if he'd made a wish, after we won the Daesang at the MAMAs. When Jimin said he didn't, Taemin hyung just told him nevermind."

"Wait, what? That's - that's a thing?" Jeongguk says, mind whirling. Had he - inadvertently made a wish at the MAMAs yesterday, and ended up married to Taehyung? Even a wild explanation is better than no explanation, and in a universe where Jeongguk's wearing a ring on his left hand that matches Taehyung's, Jeongguk is willing to accept wild.

Taehyung's staring at his face in confusion, as if Jeongguk's the one who brought up the odd conversation. "So you did make a wish?"

"I, um. I'm not sure," Jeongguk says. "Hold on - "

He grabs his phone and bolts out to find Jimin, who's resting in his room with his iPad, a half-empty bowl of leftovers sitting on the corner of his bedside dresser. Hoseok is out like a light in his own bed, face smushed against a bear stuffed animal and possibly drooling, and Jeongguk makes sure to lower his voice. "Jimin hyung - "

"Whoa, what the fuck did you break?" Jimin says at a similarly hushed volume, head snapping up to fix Jeongguk with an incredulous stare. "Why are you calling me hyung?"

"I didn't break anything! I just need you to do me a solid and please, please give me Taemin's phone number," Jeongguk whispers urgently.

Jimin stares at him. "Why do you need - oh my god. Jeon Jeongguk, you made a wish?"

"I didn't make any wish!" Jeongguk hisses. "I just need to talk to Taemin hyung!"

"You shouldn't lie to your hyung's face," Jimin says, smirking a little. As if he can tell Jeongguk is going to lunge forward, Jimin slips his phone off the dresser where it was sitting behind the bowl and holds it to his chest.

"Okay, I did make a wish. Hyung, please," Jeongguk says, probably minutes away from begging and he knows Jimin knows it. "I'm desperate."

Jimin keeps him hanging for a while longer and extracts a promise for Jeongguk to do one future unnamed favor for him - they don't talk about the last time Jeongguk did one of Jimin's favors, and he is once again very sorry for alternate Jeongguk - before he hands over Taemin's phone number. Jeongguk seizes his phone like it's a ticking bomb and locks himself in the bathroom, for lack of a better place.

Taemin's ringtone is Me Like Yuh, and Jeongguk stares blankly at the wall across from the toilet as he listens to Jay Park crooning about how he can be ya girl's Justin Bieber. Thankfully, Taemin picks up just as Jay Park is heading into the chorus, "Hello?"

"Uh, hi," Jeongguk says, swallowing hard. "This is Jeongguk? From Bangtan? Jimin gave me your phone number."

"Oh," Taemin says. "Hi, Jeongguk. What's up?"

Jeongguk wonders if he should've asked Jimin for more details about whatever Taemin said about the Daesang, or at least to give Taemin a heads up that he was going to call him in barely suppressed panic. "You said something about making a wish on the Daesang? And I just wanted to ask - you know - "

"Oh, shit," Taemin says, and his voice is serious now. It sounds like he's somewhere outside with a busy street, with cars honking in the distance and background conversations around him. "Jeongguk, right? Did you make a wish yesterday?"

"Um, I might have?" Jeongguk says. "Actually, I think I did."

"Shit," Taemin says again. The background noise on his end of the line quiets as Taemin seems to move away from whoever he's hanging out with. "Okay, hi, Jeongguk. Sorry no one thought to let you guys know beforehand, but you can't make wishes on the Daesang. Or like, just avoid making wishes on nights you win the Daesang altogether."

"I mean, it's a little late for that," Jeongguk says stressfully.

"Oh yeah, my bad," Taemin says. "It's just, they come true. Jongin told me about it when they won a Daesang for the first time and swore me to secrecy, but we suddenly thought of it this morning, when we realized you guys won it."

"So you're saying whatever happened to me, happened because I wished it to?"

"I mean, yeah. What happened to you, exactly?"

Jeongguk takes a moment to respond, staring down at his left hand, the innocuous wedding band glimmering on his ring finger. Flip The Fuck Out: Round 2 has returned with a vengeance, and Jeongguk vaguely wonders if he's hyperventilating (and if so, hopefully he's not breathing obnoxiously into the line for Taemin's listening pleasure). He doesn't even remember making a wish, and you'd think making wishes about marrying someone would count as particularly memorable. A ring didn't just drop out of the sky onto Jeongguk's hand - they're from a real place in time, custom-engraved with their initials, and Taehyung touches and kisses him just as he would if Jeongguk were his actual husband. Just as he would if they'd promised to share the rest of their lives together.

I wish I could keep this.

"Oh my god," Jeongguk says out loud, and Taemin makes a questioning sound. "Um, I did make a wish - but not like, explicitly?"

"Yeah, Jongin mentioned the Daesang likes to interpret wishes and grant them in the ways it deems appropriate. I'm not allowed to give you details because he'd sic his three poodles on me, but it basically does whatever it wants," Taemin says.

"That's fine," Jeongguk says faintly. "I just - can I ask - what happens after?"

"What do you mean?" Taemin asks.

"What happens after the wish is granted?" Jeongguk asks. His heart is hammering in his chest, and he thinks about Taehyung peering at him sleepily from Jeongguk's bed, his belongings spread throughout Golden Closet. "Do you - do you get to keep it, whatever's happened?"

"I don't know," Taemin says quietly. "I've heard it depends on the wish."

"Oh," Jeongguk says, slumping back heavily, the edge of the toilet tank digging into his shoulder blades. "Okay, thanks anyway, sunbaenim."

"You can call me hyung. Good luck, Jeongguk!" Taemin says cheerfully, as if he hadn't handily dropped an exploding bombshell on Jeongguk's head, and hangs up. Jeongguk lets the dial tone ring in his ear for a few seconds longer than necessary, before he realizes the call has ended and he lets his hand drop into his lap.

By the time he returns to Golden Closet, Taehyung's waiting for him, the Daffy Duck blanket draped loosely around his shoulders again. "Seokjin hyung is back, and he cooked the galbi. Let's go eat?" Taehyung asks, careful, like Jeongguk is something fragile.

"Yeah, of course," Jeongguk says, offering him the most reassuring smile he can muster. He can't help but check the ring is still on Taehyung's finger, and it is, the only ring on his left hand. The Taehyung he knows goes through accessories in an endless rotation, or sometimes goes without them entirely, but Taehyung hasn't taken the ring off even once while they've been at home today.

The galbi is delicious, but Jeongguk can't really focus on the taste even as he scarfs it down. Everyone but Namjoon and Yoongi are home for dinner, and Jeongguk gets caught staring at Taehyung so many times that both Jimin and Seokjin call him out good-naturedly. He figures it's ordinary enough behavior by the way the others laugh, but after the meal, Taehyung draws him aside and worriedly examines Jeongguk's face.

"Are you okay?" Taehyung asks softly. "You've been acting kind of weird all day."

"I - I'm fine," Jeongguk says, but he can't seem to come with the right expression to face Taehyung and convince him. This alternate reality where he's married to Taehyung only exists because the magical Daesang willed it into existence to fulfill Jeongguk's accidental wish, and Jeongguk wants to find his alternate self and seize him by the shoulders, beg him to tell him how he made it happen. He doesn't know what he'll do if - when? - they have to go back to being just friends.

Taehyung lets the conversation go until they're back in bed, after Jeongguk edited his new lyrics a bit while Taehyung called home, passing on his parents' (and Soonshimie's) warm wishes. Calls to Daegu always leave Taehyung a bit melancholy nowadays, the absence of his grandmother no longer as agonizing but still so stark in the room Jeongguk could almost reach his hand out to touch her. Jeongguk climbs up the ladder and lays down beside Taehyung, and Taehyung automatically curls up against his chest.

He doesn't say anything, just tries to hold Taehyung and give him as much comfort as he can with his presence, and Taehyung is the first one to break the silence. "Did you really make a wish on the Daesang?"

Jeongguk presses his face against Taehyung's hair; it's silky against his nose and cheeks, and smells like kind of like Jeongguk's shampoo. "Yeah...I did."

"What did you wish for?" Taehyung asks, shifting back a little so he can see Jeongguk's expression.

Jeongguk thinks about it again, the nerves staved off by Taehyung's warmth in his arms, their thighs pressed together and the covers up to their shoulders. Last night feels so long ago he can hardly believe it was less than 24 hours ago, the whirlwind of tears that overtook Jeongguk's body as they accepted the Daesang onstage. He remembers crying in their seats until Yoongi passed him a tissue and Namjoon patted his back reassuringly, he remembers the tears welling up again in earnest when they went back up for the closing stage. He remembers Taehyung pulling him into a hug and holding him, wanting to have that moment always.

"I," Jeongguk says, choking up a little and swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat. "I wanted...us to be together forever, I guess."

"Baby," Taehyung says fondly. Jeongguk never once imagined he'd hear so much open affection in Taehyung's voice directed towards him. "Jeonggukie, we're married."

"Yeah, I know," Jeongguk whispers. He feels the warm press of Taehyung's lips against his cheekbone, then on his mouth, and turns his head so he can kiss Taehyung back properly. "I'm so lucky."

♫

When Jeongguk wakes up the next morning, he's alone. He sits up so fast he bangs his head against the ceiling, hissing curses under his breath as he frantically casts his gaze around Golden Closet.

But Taehyung's not sitting in Jeongguk's desk chair in the Daffy Duck blanket, he's not picking out the day's outfit from Jeongguk's closet. The berets lined along the shelves and the Hwarang scripts are gone. Jeongguk stares down at the empty space on the wall above his desk where the three polaroids were pinned, and feels like he's been hollowed out by their absence.

They were never married. It was all just a dream.

Yet when Jeongguk checks his phone on the way to their dance studio, it's December 4th, two days after the MAMAs and Seokjin's birthday. He's got a call to Taemin logged on his phone's recent calls. Whatever the magical Daesang had done yesterday has clearly ended, his time left the clock run dry, and Jeongguk almost wishes that it hadn't been granted. That it would remain in his subconscious, and he could just brush it off yet another fantasy. He looks at Taehyung now and can't help but remember the easy way they kissed, the way Taehyung fit perfectly against Jeongguk's side.

Yesterday's post-MAMAs respite is long over, and they spend most of the day practicing their choreography for the next leg of their Japanese tour, this time in Nagoya. He and Taehyung barely talk, with no real opportunity to do so beyond a brief word of thanks when Jeongguk passes Taehyung his water bottle.

They're up early for their flight on Monday, and Jeongguk pulls the hood of his puffy parka over his head and tries to burrow back into it as much as possible to avoid the morning chill. He can't help but remember the last time they were on a flight, their fingers intertwined under Taehyung's blanket and lips swollen from making out in their hotel room. Now they're seated in completely different aisles, Jeongguk in front of Taehyung, and Jeongguk stares out of the window for the duration of the quick flight. There's more dance practices, rehearsal and soundcheck at Nippon Gaishi Hall, and then the fanmeet itself.

Jeongguk topples into his bed each night and waits for the fatigue to drag him under, but ends up lying in bed awake for hours. It's too cold, or the mattress is too soft, or no matter how he rearranges his pillows, he's not comfortable. By their second night in Nagoya, Jeongguk's turned up the heater and buried himself under the extra blankets he found in the closet, and he's still not falling asleep.

He gets up and pulls out the notebook he packed for lyrics writing. When he opens it, a few loose leaf sheets of paper fall out - they're his lyrics from Saturday afternoon, the ones about dreams. It's only been a few days but those emotions feel so far away, almost surreal. He'd ended up losing it after all, and seeing his hasty scrawl to commit that happiness to the best, most sincere words he could cobble together is heartache.

i'm so cold, he texts Taehyung before he can stop himself.

Taehyung responds only a few minutes later: kekeke turn the heater up babo with a sleepy Ryan sticker.

i already did ㅠㅠ, Jeongguk responds. They stay up a while, texting back and forth from separate hotel rooms on the same damn floor, and Jeongguk just wishes Taehyung were with him right now. He wants to wake up with Taehyung curled around him again, holding his hand on the plane flight back home. He always wants Taehyung around - so badly he used his magical Daesang wish on it.

But the way Taehyung treated him, responded to him… Maybe Jeongguk's secret crush isn't as hopeless as he always thought it to be. Just because he's left behind the wedding rings doesn't mean he has to give up on the handholding, the lazy morning kisses. Not without even trying to reach out for them.

hey hyung?

yeah jeonggukie?

when we get home, can i tell you something?