{bangtan; taehyung/jeongguk} my world only has you in it [iii/iv]
②
from: ppark jjiminie
do you ever wonder what it'd be like if we didn't do porn?
Taehyung peers at his phone, confused. It's four in the morning, and he's only awake because he's got a midterm the next day and last-minute cramming is a lifestyle, not a bad habit. As far as he knows, Jimin isn't the type to send introspective, existentialist messages out of nowhere.
what do you mean? Taehyung types, then hesitates, doesn't reach for his emoticon keyboard. we do porn, that's how it is. it was our decision. He hits send.
He shuffles through some more flashcards before Jimin replies. i know, i know. sometimes i just think about it i guess.
A world without porn, huh? Taehyung's never really had cause to think about it since he started doing it. He can't stop turning it over in his head now, though, once Jimin's brought it up. What are the odds that, on one ordinary Monday afternoon, he'd have bumped into Jeongguk outside his lecture hall and ended up grabbing lunch with him? Would Jeongguk have stopped to talk to him, even if he didn't recognize him from someplace else, or just gone on his way? Or maybe if they'd met some other way, whatever they have between them could've grown organically, with sex as more of an end goal than a catalyst. Eyes fixed forward instead of looking back.
what do you think about? he can't help but ask. Jimin shouldn't even be awake right now, so his thoughts must be especially loud. If talking them out sometimes helps Taehyung, maybe it'll work for Jimin, too.
i don't really know.
A few minutes go by, and then, can i call you?
Taehyung texts back yes, of course, and it isn't long before his phone is buzzing with a call. "Hello?"
"Sorry," Jimin says in lieu of a greeting. "I'm so sorry, it's late and I'm bothering you." He sounds tired, but not sleepy, just that kind of bone-deep fatigue that sometimes threatens to turn you inside out when you least expect it. Taehyung wonders when his best friend started sounding this way, and how it took him so long to notice. Jimin had to let his guard down for Taehyung to even look properly.
"I'm awake now, anyways, so don't even worry about it," Taehyung reassures him hastily.
Jimin breathes quietly on his side of the line for a few heartbeats, and Taehyung flips through his papers some more. "I guess I was just thinking about how it used to be where I could date people, and have sex knowing that I belonged to them and they belonged to me. And now that's not a thing I can have."
"I mean, at least the company doesn't outright ban us from having outside relationships," Taehyung offers. But he can imagine the expression Jo Kwon would make if he knew about Taehyung and Jeongguk outside of work, and it's not a particularly pretty one.
"Yeah," Jimin admits, but he still sounds down. "It could be worse. But I just... I always thought that I was one of those 'one great love' type of people, you know? The ones who only love one person in their entire life with everything they've got, and give themselves only to them."
"Jimin..."
"And I kind of realize sometimes that I can't do that, and even if I love someone, there would be this thing in the way. This thing I can't take back. Even though the pay's nice, and I'm great at it, and they even made me #1 at one point, I... I don't know whether I should've done it. There are other ways to make money and other things I'm pretty good at, after all," Jimin says. It's like he's hardly talking to Taehyung anymore, the words wrenching free from his mouth because they can't go unsaid any longer.
"Jimin," Taehyung repeats, chest aching, because he doesn't know what else to say.
"I mean - it's not like I regret everything," Jimin says suddenly, like he's woken up to the sound of Taehyung's voice and scrambling to backtrack, pulling the act back together. "If I didn't join BTS Entertainment, I would've never met you and found a best friend. And I would've missed out on a lot more awesome orgasms!"
Taehyung doesn't get it sometimes, how Jimin can always keep trying, always push himself harder. It's times like these when Taehyung remembers Jimin's really, really strong, probably stronger than he is. "Yeah," he says encouragingly. "For sure." Because that's what Jimin needs to hear right now.
He thinks he hears Jimin sigh, and then they sit in silence again. After all this time, and all the various kinky things they've done to each other and seen each other do, it's not awkward. But that doesn't mean it can't be a little sad, and Taehyung's no longer got the attention span for the material his midterm's going to be on - he's studied all he can by now, anyways. As ready as he'll ever be.
"Taehyung," Jimin says hesitantly. "I'm..."
"What is it?" Taehyung asks. It's so late, the night outside is blacker than pitch and the only lights that illuminate are the streetlight down the block and the tiny lamp on Taehyung's desk. At this hour, it's colder than ever.
"I'm filming with Jeongguk tomorrow," Jimin says, meek and apologetic. "I felt that I should at least tell you, I don't know."
In a world where Taehyung - and his best friend, and his maybe boyfriend - didn't do porn, he wouldn't have to worry about his best friend and maybe boyfriend having sex. For work. "Oh," he says. Real eloquent.
"I'm sorry," Jimin repeats miserably, and Taehyung can't quite put his heart into it when he tries to reassure him again.
❖
The thing about Taehyung is that he's never been too good at compartmentalizing. Not like Jeongguk, who can switch a different self on and off in sync with the cameras. Who can kiss Taehyung one day in his car on a rainy day, then drive to work and fuck Jimin on another day. Once, Taehyung ran into Namjoon at the convenience store when he was loading up on instant ramen and, beyond a brief flicker of recognition, Namjoon had barely batted an eye in reaction - like the idea he'd ever slept with Taehyung for money was a laughable thought.
He's confused and distracted during his next meeting with Jo Kwon, looking at the words on the proposals without actually reading them. What does it matter, he can't help but think. He can fuck anyone.
"Taehyung? Taehyung!" Jo Kwon is saying impatiently, and Taehyung jerks his head up from the pages, where the only things jumping out at him are the names of his upcoming future co-stars, and not Jeongguk's. It's weird, in the past he might've jumped at an opportunity to do this outdoor sex plotline, but now he can't muster the energy.
"Sorry," Taehyung says, the word heavy on his tongue. He puts the files down on the table in front of them, flattens out the sheets with a palm.
Jo Kwon huffs and eyes him sternly. "I said, how does your schedule for the next few weeks look like? It's getting farther along in the semester and we still need to know when you're free for more days of filming, for the holiday special."
Last year for the holiday special, V got to fuck Jimin and Hoseok at the same time; it'd pushed Jimin nearly to the limits of his flexibility, and pairing that with Hoseok's stamina, Taehyung had forgotten where he was after the last orgasm was wringed from his body. Now, though, Taehyung can only remember that he'd spent Christmas Day alone, curled up in bed with only the protests of his body to keep him company. He'd lied to his parents and said he didn't have enough money to fly home that year, asking them to send his love to his younger siblings.
"I get off class on Friday the week before," he says quietly. Jo Kwon marks it down on the planner before him, and Taehyung suddenly, belatedly, wants to lie to him. No, he can't make it this year. He can't do it. His schedule doesn't match up, he wants to go back home, he wants his Christmas Day to be as magical as he'd always grown up believing it was. More than anything, he doesn't want to go through it alone again.
"Good," Jo Kwon says briskly. "They're thinking of putting you with Jimin and Jeongguk this year, since you guys have so much chemistry, so together - Taehyung?"
Taehyung doesn't realized he's risen to his feet until he's already standing, chair knocked backwards behind him and the papers before him strewn on the ground. "I - " he stammers. His hands are trembling, and he curls them into fists to try and stop it. It's one thing to know Jeongguk and Jimin film together, but asking him to be there? As Jeongguk kisses Jimin messily across the mouth, or fucks into him, fucks someone who's not Taehyung?
"Not everyone has the chance to film with two #1's," Jo Kwon says. He's looking at Taehyung with that expression, the one like he's fucking figured it all out - the one Taehyung was so afraid of seeing on his manager's face - and greatly disapproves. He knows he's got it good, with a manager who actually seeks to push Taehyung up the rankings instead of some brutal handler, but there are hard lines and Taehyung's found his. It's not all about rankings. "Don't tell me you'll dare turn that down."
"I - I can't do it," Taehyung says. He's shaking all over, and he can't make himself sit down. Neither of them move to pick up the papers on the floor. "Not with those two."
It seems he's skipped the whole making demands part of his career and gone straight to refusing the proposals he's given. Months have gone by since Taehyung signed his contract to be one of the porn stars at BTS Entertainment, and responsibility is crashing down on his shoulders much too late. Now he's discovering firsthand why people don't last long in this industry, and it's not always because the audience finds flaws. Not always because popularity is fleeting and no one's been able to figure out its formula.
Jo Kwon is stiller than Taehyung has ever seen him - he's always checking his phone or chewing gum during their meetings, a constant motion in Taehyung's field in vision, except for now. "Taehyung," he says finally, and his crisp tone allows no room for protests. "We're done here for today. Go home and cool off, and we'll address this again later, when you're ready."
I'll never be ready, Taehyung thinks, but accepts the out for what it is and sets his chair upright on his way out the door.
It's not raining when he walks out of the building, but as Taehyung walks he can feel the beginnings of a drizzle touching lightly at his skin, as if even the skies are afraid to touch him too firmly or he'll fall apart. He can feel it soaking into his shirt at the shoulders, down the back, because he goddamn forgot his jacket on the ground and there's no way he's going back for it. By the time he reaches a familiar doorstep, he's soaked to the skin and shivering again for a different reason, fingers numb with cold.
He climbs the steps, fumbling in his pocket for his keys before pausing, hand hovering over the lock. This isn't the door to his apartment complex. Taehyung tips his head back, bewildered, until he realizes that he's somehow made his way to Jeongguk's place.
Fuck, this is awkward. He puts his hands into his pockets, then takes them back out hastily when he realizes his pants are just as wet and cold, crossing his arms across his chest instead. The trek back to his place will be awful, and he's debating at least waiting here sheltered from the rain when a girl comes up to the door and punches a code into the keypad, holding the door open for him courteously as she walks in.
"Thanks," Taehyung says gratefully, and she inclines her head at him with a friendly smile in return as she heads to the mailboxes. He's in here, he might as well go up, Taehyung decides as he presses the button to summon the elevator. If anything, he'll beg Jeongguk to give him a pity ride home.
Taehyung's only been here a few times, only enough to count on one hand. The hallway is familiar as he comes out from the elevator on (hopefully) the right floor, at least. He'd been blushingly jittery the first time, and bursting at the seams with how curious he was to see Jeongguk's place, at being let into such a private piece of his life. He predicted the compact, spartanly-decorated rooms, and even the dirty clothes strewn all over the place that Jeongguk hurriedly collected into the laundry basket so they'd have room to study. Anticipation had made Taehyung's stomach flip and flutter, but Jeongguk hasn't kissed him since that first time in the car - hasn't moved beyond those fond smiles and careful touches to Taehyung's hands and arms, the small of his back.
He knocks, praying he at least got the apartment number right. It's not as cold inside, but his drenched clothes stick uncomfortably to his body, chilly enough that he's still shaking a little. The door opens and Taehyung has never, ever been so thankful to see Jeongguk, dressed in a simple, slightly-oversized t-shirt and sweats, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.
"Taehyung?" Jeongguk says incredulously, and tugs Taehyung inside quickly before Taehyung can even open his mouth and try to explain.
It's blessedly warm inside with the heater on all the way up, making the single apartment a welcome haven after the winter outside. Jeongguk doesn't even mind the water Taehyung drips on his carpets all the way to the bathroom, sitting Taehyung down on the toilet seat and snagging a towel off one of the bars. "What'd you do, run a mile in the rain? What are you doing here anyways?"
"It just happened," Taehyung says as he lets Jeongguk towel off his hair. He's so much gentler than Taehyung expects, working the water out with care rather than rubbing the towel over Taehyung's head vigorously. Taehyung's never really been touched like this before.
"I don't even know how you managed to get in here," Jeongguk continues, hands still making that slow motion over Taehyung's head and down to pat dry his neck.
Taehyung raises his arms and slowly curls them around Jeongguk's waist, pulling the other boy forward to press his face against Jeongguk's stomach. He can feel the dampness of his shirt seeping into Jeongguk's, and knows it must be cold especially against his body heat warmth, but he can't make himself let go and take this back. Above him, Jeongguk's hands freeze, the towel slipping from his fingers and onto the ground.
"Taehyung," Jeongguk says, a little strained. "Taehyung."
"I'm sorry," Taehyung says thickly. I'm so sorry, it's late and I'm bothering you, he thinks, and only tightens his arms around Jeongguk's waist, despite how tense Jeongguk is under his touch. It's only beginning to properly hit him now, the impossibly heavy sadness in Jimin's voice and, oh God, the look on Jo Kwon's face, like he just knew.
The moment pulls tight around them and they're caught at the center of it, Jeongguk barely breathing in his arms and Taehyung feeling his throat closing up with how badly he just wants to shut everything else out but this, but Jeongguk, right here with him. He wants to pull Jeongguk closer and crawl under his skin so he can curl up next to Jeongguk's heart and stay there, without anything in the way.
But he can't, he can't, and at last, Jeongguk breaks the stalemate and strokes his fingers through Taehyung's mussed up hair, attempting to soothe. "I've got you," he murmurs, and Taehyung lets those three words shake him apart harder than anything else, trembling all over without any tears escaping. If Jeongguk wasn't here to hold him together, arms around his shoulders, Taehyung has no doubt he'd be falling apart. Instead, Jeongguk is there, solid and comforting, until Taehyung thinks he can get a grip on himself, besides the pounding of his heart rate in his ears.
"Jeongguk," he says over the sound of it, and when Jeongguk pulls back to look at him, Taehyung reaches up with fingers now starting to get warmer and fists them in Jeongguk's collar, pulling him down to kiss.
Jeongguk groans low into his mouth, and there's something desperate and restless about it, the way they collide and Taehyung's gasping out words that he can't quite recall later, clutching at Jeongguk so tightly he can't feel his fingers all over again and Jeongguk just lets him as Taehyung bites into his mouth so hard he might taste iron on his tongue. The feeling flares back up in Taehyung's chest so strongly it's like it never left, except now it's a focused burn, right where his body meets Jeongguk's. Maybe if he does this, it'll stop hurting, he thinks wildly, and Jeongguk doesn't stop him when Taehyung crushes their mouths back together.
When Taehyung lets go and scrambles at Jeongguk's pants, though, wanting so badly it's like a tangible ache in his chest, Jeongguk pulls away from him completely. "I don't - I don't think that's a good idea," he says, panting. His glasses have been knocked sideways by the force Taehyung put behind the kissing, and Jeongguk takes them off completely, setting them down on the bathroom sink.
Taehyung wants to protest - he wants to wrestle Jeongguk's pants off of him and do whatever it takes to punch this feeling out of his chest - but he knows Jeongguk is right. Looking at Jeongguk's kiss-swollen lips and the hair at the side of his head sticking up where Taehyung dragged his fingers through it, Taehyung has to struggle to tamp down the desperation from rising up again. He didn't know wanting could feel this way, and it's making him dizzy.
"Okay," Taehyung says. His lungs burn as he, too, finds himself panting. "Okay."
The fight gone out of him now, Taehyung holds still as Jeongguk slowly undresses him, peeling his shirt off his torso and somehow working Taehyung's jeans off, even though the denim is stiff. Then Taehyung's briefs. Taehyung is half hard, and Jeongguk hesitates for a moment before standing back to his full height. "Shampoo's there," Jeongguk says, pointing it out in the shower stall beside them. "And soap. I'll have clothes for you when you get out."
"Thank you," Taehyung whispers, and gets into the shower. He goes through the proper motions of a shower, and doesn't jerk himself off, and by the time he steps out surprisingly refreshed, Jeongguk's got another towel and his own clothes for Taehyung to wear.
"Better?" Jeongguk asks as Taehyung towels himself down this time and gets dressed. Taehyung glances up as he pulls on what must be a pair of Jeongguk's boxers, pleased to see Jeongguk flushing and looking away, and tugs on the sweatpants and soft, worn flannel.
He smells like Jeongguk, he notes, delight blooming hesitantly in his chest. "Better," Taehyung says, and pecks Jeongguk on the mouth gratefully. The happiness grows as he feels Jeongguk smile against his lips, withdrawing but curling an arm around Taehyung's shoulders loosely. For a moment back there, he was afraid he'd ruined even this, but it seems they're just fine.
When they head back into the living room, Taehyung sees he interrupted Jeongguk in the middle of studying, judging by the books spread across his low coffee table. Jeongguk sits Taehyung down on the couch, then has to double back to grab his glasses from where he left them in the bathroom, but when he returns, Taehyung insists on sitting between his legs and cuddling as Jeongguk studies. "You're ridiculous," Jeongguk says affectionately, because he's weak to Taehyung's pouts and pleading eyes, even if he won't admit it out loud. They're sitting as Taehyung wants, after all.
"You like it," Taehyung murmurs against Jeongguk's neck, closing his eyes. He feels safe and peaceful, wrapped up in Jeongguk like this, and even when Jeongguk jostles him a little to grab something, he's fine. He could doze off like this, warm down to his bones.
If he only had those darn superpowers, Taehyung thinks. He wants nothing more than to halt time here and suspend them like this forever. And maybe he can't, but Jeongguk's warmth feels so good he decides he can put the rest of the world off just a little longer.
❖
Taehyung's headed back from filming another project, this one planned with Jo Kwon before they had their fallout, with Inho again - it feels the management is trying to push him and a few of the other newer porn stars in the repertoire, like Sanghun and Jinyoung. Inho is good at porn, but something about the way he touches Taehyung rubs him the wrong way. Nothing personal, though, Taehyung thinks wryly. Already, Inho knows what angles look good and what sounds to make to drive the viewers crazy,
He checks his phone as he passes a bus stop for a reply from Jimin, who he texted in concern earlier today before heading into work; Jimin said he was feeling under the weather this morning, and has been a little MIA all day, which is strange for someone who's usually a contender for Taehyung's first place throne in the competition to text the most random thoughts and epiphanies to his friends. Still radio silence. The next bus to Jimin's side of town is coming up in a couple minutes, and Taehyung figures it wouldn't hurt to drop by Jimin's place and see whether he's still alive and kicking.
As he lets himself into Jimin's apartment building, Taehyung laughs a little as he realizes he's getting into the habit of barging into people's homes without giving them advance warning. But with Jimin, who has long informed Taehyung about the loose door to the stairwell, it doesn't feel too intrusive or anything when Taehyung knows the floorplan of the second level of Jimin's apartment like the back of his hand, after all those study hangouts and the times where Taehyung just came over to play video games until their brains turned into Super Smash Bros Brawl mush. That was a while ago, when they first started at BTS Entertainment and became fast friends after only a couple of films together. He knocks on the door loudly.
It takes a while, Jimin shuffling around before the door's unlocking and swinging open. He's swathed in a quilt so big it looks like it's about to swallow his small frame up. "Ugh," he says hoarsely, rubbing at his eyes and looking exhausted, definitely sick, "Seokjin hyung, I told you you didn't have...to come…"
He trails off, staring at Taehyung with widening eyes.
"'Seokjin hyung,' huh?" Taehyung says delicately. Suddenly, the realization drops on Taehyung's head like a brick, Jimin's 4 AM call filled with misery making a lot more sense. He should've probably seen this coming.
"Wow, okay, I am not having this conversation in my doorway when I'm feeling like I just crawled out of hell," Jimin says flatly. He gestures for Taehyung to come inside and shuts the door behind him, the edge of his quilt dragging as he retreats to bed with Taehyung trailing behind. As Taehyung takes a seat on the edge, Jimin crawls back into bed and buries himself in the blankets. They're both silent, save for Jimin's sniffles.
"Seokjin hyung, huh," Taehyung says again. He still remembers the shocking success of their couple film debut, the way upper management couldn't get over their surprise at how their viewers had devoured them, buying every film in the series and even less popular films for the bonus clips of Seokjin and Jimin in the end. Since then, BTS Entertainment has released many more along a more romantic vein besides just Taehyung and Jeongguk's, but none of them have really been able to match Seokjin and Jimin's charm.
"Yes," Jimin says defensively from somewhere inside of his cocoon of blankets. "It happens, Taehyung, you should understand best out of everyone."
Taehyung thinks of Jeongguk, and how dangerous good chemistry can be. "Yeah, I guess I do," he says quietly. "How long?"
"Since after we filmed the second part of the series," Jimin mumbles. It's been a long time, then, a couple months after Taehyung moved up from cam shows. Several months. There's a terrible moment where Taehyung thinks Seokjin fucked him the first few times while he was dating Jimin, but besides the most recent time, he's in the clear. And now they're even, Taehyung thinks, that wry taste worming its way back onto his thoughts.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Taehyung asks, his voice soft and, despite his efforts to hide it, hurt. They're best friends, and Taehyung knows he would've taken any secret to the grave if Jimin had asked it of him.
Jimin sits back up fast, his face stricken. "It's not like that, it wasn't anything personal," he says in a rush. "No one knew besides the two of us. He said that would be best, and I agreed to it but - "
"All those tutoring sessions," Taehyung interrupts. "The home-cooked dinners even though I know you can't cook for shit besides instant ramen."
"Yeah," Jimin says, staring down at his blankets and picking at a loose thread. "Seokjin hyung is in culinary school so he's really good. He finally graduated this year, actually, and started working so..."
"So he retired and left BTS," Taehyung finishes for him, the pieces finally coming together now. He'd played a part in Seokjin's farewell film a few weeks ago, even, which had been more nostalgic than anything. It's a tacit rule in their world to not ask why someone leaves, whether it's switching companies or quitting for good, and Taehyung has seen plenty leave in the year he's been in these circles.
Jimin nods, shrugging a shoulder. "And I'm still there," he says softly. Still fucking people who aren't Kim Seokjin, his boyfriend.
It doesn't seem like there's a solution, is there? People can't just get up and quit their jobs because they're 'not feeling it' anymore; maybe in theory they can, but there are financial and other consequences to worry about. But yet they're selfish, and possessive, and only want their hands on the things they deem their own. Taehyung doesn't even know if he can call Jeongguk his own. They've never talked about this stuff, though if that breakdown in Jeongguk's bathroom didn't mean anything then Taehyung has no idea what does. He looks at Jeongguk and his chest is heavy with all the things he feels, and he thinks Jeongguk feels the same, with the way Jeongguk's gaze lingers on him when he thinks Taehyung won't notice. (But he does. Of course he does.)
Jimin looks at the expression of Taehyung's face and it must be bad, because he lifts a corner of his blanket in silent invitation and Taehyung burrows into the blanket nest thankfully, because his best friend always knows what to do. No matter what, nothing will change between them, this easy, comfortable atmosphere as they curl up together and, despite the mood hanging over them gloomily, fall asleep.
When Taehyung wakes up, he smells porridge in the air and Jimin is still out like a light, the worry lines finally smoothed out in deep sleep. He untangles his limbs carefully, trying his best to keep the warmth in as he slips free from Jimin's arms, and pads out to the tiny kitchenette.
He's not surprised to see Seokjin at the stove, stirring something in a pot. "Taehyung!" Seokjin says, jumping, and Taehyung can see him struggling to think of something to say, any excuse for Seokjin to be anywhere near Jimin's apartment as if he can keep the charade up longer.
"I already know," he says, leaning against the door frame, and Seokjin blinks at him, caught off-guard. "Jimin let it slip but don't get mad at him. He thought I was you when I came over and I figured it out, that's all."
"He did always want to tell you," Seokjin says with a resigned laugh. He turns back to his cooking, and they're silent for a moment, Taehyung closing his eyes and taking in the scents all around him. The smell of porridge makes him think, achingly, of home and his mother's porridge steaming in a bowl on the dining table.
The quiet hangs between them, and Taehyung opens his eyes again and marvels at how different this Seokjin is, Jimin's boyfriend Seokjin, from the man named Jin who pushed Taehyung down onto the mattress, having already predicted how much Taehyung would like it. For some reason, his broad-shouldered silhouette isn't out of place in Jimin's home at all. "I don't want to pretend I know how you feel," he says, the words bursting out of him with their longing to be heard by someone who could possibly, possibly understand the tangle of emotions in his chest, "but I… I'm with Jeongguk. So I get it, I guess, is what I'm trying to say."
It's the first time he's ever said it out loud to someone else, and Taehyung feels a little heady, like he's just made it more real - he and Jeongguk exist beyond the sanctuary he created in his mind. "Oh," Seokjin says, and turns to smile at him. "I'm happy for you two."
"Thank you," Taehyung says and he's never meant the words more. The fact that he and Jeongguk are together, however they are, is something to be happy about.
Seokjin serves him a bowl of porridge without asking, navigating through the cabinets and drawers for the bowl and spoon in smooth, confident movements before beckoning Taehyung further into the room. With a bowl for himself and the rest of the porridge simmering lightly on the stove, Seokjin sits across from him at the first meal they've ever shared and eats.
He asks Taehyung how he is, how school's coming along and even how work is, without a beat of hesitation. At first, Taehyung gives Seokjin the usual recounts of everything, the ones he would to his parents and classmates and anyone else, but by the time his spoon scrapes the bottom of the bowl, he's told Seokjin about how he's worried he won't pass a couple of his upper-div classes this semester and the confrontation with Jo Kwon.
"Jo Kwon's definitely good at what he does," Seokjin says, toying with the handle of his spoon pensively. "I saw him bring several people up the ranks fast, which is more than people like Jimin's manager, Seulong, can say. Or my ex-manager, Changmin, I don't know if you know him? But sometimes he's too focused on that, definitely."
"He's got his eye on the prize," Taehyung agrees as he scrapes his bowl clean.
"All that terrifying efficiency and sarcasm wrapped in one person," Seokjin says ruefully, "but not so much an outwardly emotional person. I think managers have a hard time realizing that having sex with someone can't always be an emotions-free deal. They arrange these projects and watch you do them but they won't know what it's like to be there, in the moment. So it's up to us to understand that about them."
"I don't think I can tell him properly," Taehyung says, even though admitting it fills him with a strange sense of shame.
"As you said, he probably already knows," Seokjin points out. "And I didn't exactly tell Changmin about Jimin on my way out."
"How do you do it? How can you deal with it, when you know Jimin walks out of this apartment and goes to work and...does all that?" Taehyung asks forlornly, and gives into the urge to put his head down on the table. He's been thinking about it for so long, and a future where he can't even take that, Jeongguk sleeping with other people who aren't Taehyung, doesn't seem that far off.
"It sucks," Seokjin says simply. "It does. But Jimin needs this particular job right now, and I want to stay with him, porn or not."
Taehyung stares up at him through his curtain of bangs. "Just like that? It's that easy?"
"Obviously not, but at some level, it kind of is. He means so much to me that, as long as he comes home to me at the end of the day and cherishes me the way I do him, that's enough," Seokjin says, putting down his spoon. "That's how I can love him right now, so that's it. With Jimin, it's not difficult."
"You guys are really something," Taehyung says empathetically, and Seokjin laughs and ruffles his hair. He collects their bowls and puts them in the sink to wash later, then sits back at the table, scooting his chair closer.
"Taehyung," Seokjin says, and Taehyung turns his head to look at him properly. "It's not a permanent thing. Porn, or school, or whatever else won't last moving forward. But if there are some things you don't want to live without, you have to reach out and grab them for yourself, right? For me, Jimin is one of those things."
"Oh," Taehyung whispers. Porn isn't permanent - it's temporary, a temporary job - and Taehyung somehow lost sight of that after all these months in that world. But Jeongguk…
Jeongguk, he wants to be permanent.
"Not that hard after all, huh?" Seokjin says, smiling at him again as if he can see all the pieces falling into place in Taehyung's mind, and Taehyung practically tackles him with a hug.
④