(no subject)
I miss my friends so fucking bad.
Going to Brittney's with Andy last night just depressed me so goddamn much.
Because I feel as if I have no friends anymore.
I don't have anybody that I'll know for decades and decades and be able to have sit next to me when I tell my kids my stories of youth.
I miss my rockhot ladies.
I miss my retarded boys even.
I miss my Chachie.
I really really miss my Chachie.
She's been gone a year ya know.
I have no idea how I'e kept it together this past year.
Oh wait, I barely have.
I'm the only person I know that has no past intertwined with my present.
Everyone (excluding family... well actually that does count some family) that has ever meant anything to me I'm so distant from. I never see or talk to anybody, plans never happen, the inside jokes have died, the pictures stopped.
I hate it.
I think I might have to go to the Spencer Picnic this year, just to see that those people I remember actually do exist and I'm not a crazy person that just invented these awesome people I say are friends.
It'll most likely be a sad time though. Depressing, distressing, and disappointing.
And I have 5-6 or 7 hours at work to just think about this.
And then after work.
And then I wake up.
I think for the next month, before people move away or go to college or whatever I should stay away from Elmira, Horseheads and Corning. Those people I've known a short time, (as cliche and retarded as it sounds) they really don't understand anything about me yet. Even Andy.
Ha, think he can understand my moods yet? Or the terrible things that go thru my head on any given solitary night?
Nope.
Few people ever did.
Like, maybe 3 including me.
I'm feeling like I'm going back to where I don't wanna be, but I had a feeling that it was only a matter of time.
Bad habits are hard to shake.
I am pathetic.
Going to Brittney's with Andy last night just depressed me so goddamn much.
Because I feel as if I have no friends anymore.
I don't have anybody that I'll know for decades and decades and be able to have sit next to me when I tell my kids my stories of youth.
I miss my rockhot ladies.
I miss my retarded boys even.
I miss my Chachie.
I really really miss my Chachie.
She's been gone a year ya know.
I have no idea how I'e kept it together this past year.
Oh wait, I barely have.
I'm the only person I know that has no past intertwined with my present.
Everyone (excluding family... well actually that does count some family) that has ever meant anything to me I'm so distant from. I never see or talk to anybody, plans never happen, the inside jokes have died, the pictures stopped.
I hate it.
I think I might have to go to the Spencer Picnic this year, just to see that those people I remember actually do exist and I'm not a crazy person that just invented these awesome people I say are friends.
It'll most likely be a sad time though. Depressing, distressing, and disappointing.
And I have 5-6 or 7 hours at work to just think about this.
And then after work.
And then I wake up.
I think for the next month, before people move away or go to college or whatever I should stay away from Elmira, Horseheads and Corning. Those people I've known a short time, (as cliche and retarded as it sounds) they really don't understand anything about me yet. Even Andy.
Ha, think he can understand my moods yet? Or the terrible things that go thru my head on any given solitary night?
Nope.
Few people ever did.
Like, maybe 3 including me.
I'm feeling like I'm going back to where I don't wanna be, but I had a feeling that it was only a matter of time.
Bad habits are hard to shake.
I am pathetic.