so long for now
so i havent posted in about 6 months but i think i deserve to have that right being as my whole life was ripped, torn, shreded, mushed, and masicured... i now live on north tryon in a little getto appt... my parents are seperated... we have no idea how to help my dad with his problems and i have turned into the only one my mom can depend on which really dosnt help her at all bc i cant give her money, i dont have a car to take the kids to school, i cant go to work to make money... so really all i can do is be here for her emotionally anfd be a built in babysitter. i have lost every one of my friends... me and crystal stopped talking and even though we are pretending to be friends again... its just not there. me and allison have basicaly fallen appart and i feel like i want to do something to change that i just cant... our whole friendship was based upon the fact that we could walk to each others houses but now we cant, and she has a new bf that is a compleat ass hole and she knows it but when me and him had a huge fight she basicaly withdrew from me compleatly... so now that brings me to kenny, we are still as in love as ever but he is not in school and he works all the time and i know i see him alot but it never feels like enough... some times i feel like i want to revert back to my old way of cutting(yes i used to do that, yes i know it is stupid) but i know i can never be that weak again. i just wish someone could have warned me that my whole life was about to fall apart, but they didnt, no one did... and i hate everyone for that. all my teachers have asked me if i was on drugs, or if there were problems at home... they couldnt be closer or further froom the truth... i wish i could do drugs, and i wish i could go home. i have missed so much school and when i do go to school i dont do my work...or i go for cosmo but not for the rest of the day... eather mommy comes and get me or kenny comes.... but this is life now and untill life changes that is all i have to go by. i wish i could go by my old philosoph of fuck the world and smoke some weed but that is no longer an option and i guess that means i had to grow up a little but i was definatly not wanting to. and i graduate next year but i dont think that i am going to be able to get into any universtity... mommy still wants me to but i ont think i will ever be able to pay for it. i want to just go out and start working my way up in the world of hair... untill then... this is me