(no subject)
Well, I had another doctor's appointment the other day and I had to go for a test called a Tilt-Table Test...We expected everything to go fine cause we thought everything was over with, but we were wrong...I passed out in the middle of the test and my heart stopped again...They showed me on the monitor where the line went straight after I passed out, and just seeing that was so scary to me...I mean that was actual proof that I had died, my heart had completely stopped beating...It just scares the shit outta me...I mean its good that now they know whats wrong with me, its called Neuro-Cardiogenic Syncope...Which is just something to do with my blood pressure and stuff, its not suppost to make your heart stop but the doctor said my case is so severe that it did...All the blood rushes from my brain to my feet and that tells my heart to stop beating, and until I can get blood flowing back to my brain and stuff, my heart wont start again...but then he proceeds to tell me that the good news is I can tell when Im getting ready to pass out so I can lay down and get my self in a position to where the blood can flow again...how the hell is that good news?? What if Im in a position where I cant lay down or what if it happens so fast that I can't do anything?? I guess Im just shit outta luck and Im gonna die...I know I shouldn't think so negative about all this but I cant help it...Theres just no way to look at this in a positive way...I've just been trying to do things to keep it off my mind...Friday night I went out to my sisters house and stayed with her, and the next night me, Whitney, and Jade all went to the club...We had a really good time...Then the next day we went to go see "The Notebook" with my sister...and I swear that is by far the best movie I have ever seen in my life!! All four of us were bawling our eyes out!! Kinda made me wish I had boyfriend...but yea, I guess one day...But I ended up staying with my sister again and Jade and Whitney came on home...Samantha Jason and I went out to OUTBACK and ate...I ate so much of the appetizers I was too full to eat anything else...But since then, Ive just been working mostly, which has been a problem...They took my license away again so I cant drive until November...thats gonna suck so bad...But theres nothing I can do about it I guess...I'll just have to bum rides every day lol...But I just wanted to give everyone my little health update and inform everyone that if you see me and Im in bad mood, thats probably why...I probably won't update again until after the 4th so I hope everyone has a Happy 4th of July...and be safe!! Don't do anything I wouldn't do! haha
Love
-Nik-
Love
-Nik-