Don't close your eyes tonight, let it be me..not just a fantasy..
Where do I need to start? Saturday was amazing. Not in an 'amazing I've never experienced this before amazing' but amazing in a 'I can't believe this is really what I thought it was all along amazing'.
I've known Simon since we first met on the show. I hated him, I hated him embarrassing me, insulting me, putting me down on national television. But all this, and at the same time, he made me want to do better. I have always been 'Nikki' and that was good enough for me. He saw something in 'Nikki' that was worthwile, worth working at, worth discovering. He gave me more faith and motivation than anyone has ever come close to giving me. He made me want to be a better Nikki.
Then, we both got livejournals. I was none too happy to be dealing with him outside of the show. We had our fights (some nasty ones) and finally, I realized (at some point) there was more to him than just ego. He was an intelligent man who longed for something he wasn't headed for: to love and be loved.
At times I felt sorry for him, at times I hated him. But somewhere in between the insults, added to injury, I think there was flirting. I felt an attraction. Not that I haven't been attracted to a dozen men from the show (ok maybe only two or three), so I wasn't going to sign my life away for it, especially seeing the way he had treated Tamika and Paula. Still, when he asked me out, I said yes.
Saturday was amazing. I ran around like crazy, asking to borrow clothes from Tamyra and Christina. By the time they had finished with me, I didn't even look like me. I looked strange, almost unrecognizable. I stood in front of the mirror, confused for some time, at which point I knew Simon would be arriving in about an hour. I ripped off all the clothes and ran in my underwear back to my bus and dressed like the Nikki I personally knew and loved. A little on the nicer side, but basically me. Simon told me I looked radient. I thanked him. It's amazing how he encourages me to be myself.
Anyway, he took me to disneyland. It was so strange, because I couldn't remember what it was like to go without my son. I actually kind of missed him, but Simon did take me on all the fast rides that Tristen is still too short for. He bought me a stuffed Stitch and a Mickey Mouse Hat, and also picked up a tigger for Tristen. We ate dinner on the riverboat and watched the parade, complete with snow at the end. When everyone was leaving, Simon's friend let us take the boat ride around the park underneath the stars. He held my hands and looked at me intently, telling me he had never felt like this before. I let him know what an amazing time I had, how much I enjoyed his company, and how I appreciated him, but I didn't want to get caught up in the moment, and that I wanted to take things slow. He knows about my mistakes, the pain I have caused myself and Tristen and he nodded, taking me into a warm hug.
I don't know what it was, the stars, the moon, or the gentle rocking of the boat and peaceful sounds of a magical place asleep, but I let him kiss me. Not let him, I wanted it as much as he did. It was just so perfect.
I don't think I'm in love with him, but I might like to be. he does have a soft, gentle side that's hard to see. I would have to say I hold him in such high regard as a person that I'm flattered he feels the same way. Flattered and very, very proud.
I've known Simon since we first met on the show. I hated him, I hated him embarrassing me, insulting me, putting me down on national television. But all this, and at the same time, he made me want to do better. I have always been 'Nikki' and that was good enough for me. He saw something in 'Nikki' that was worthwile, worth working at, worth discovering. He gave me more faith and motivation than anyone has ever come close to giving me. He made me want to be a better Nikki.
Then, we both got livejournals. I was none too happy to be dealing with him outside of the show. We had our fights (some nasty ones) and finally, I realized (at some point) there was more to him than just ego. He was an intelligent man who longed for something he wasn't headed for: to love and be loved.
At times I felt sorry for him, at times I hated him. But somewhere in between the insults, added to injury, I think there was flirting. I felt an attraction. Not that I haven't been attracted to a dozen men from the show (ok maybe only two or three), so I wasn't going to sign my life away for it, especially seeing the way he had treated Tamika and Paula. Still, when he asked me out, I said yes.
Saturday was amazing. I ran around like crazy, asking to borrow clothes from Tamyra and Christina. By the time they had finished with me, I didn't even look like me. I looked strange, almost unrecognizable. I stood in front of the mirror, confused for some time, at which point I knew Simon would be arriving in about an hour. I ripped off all the clothes and ran in my underwear back to my bus and dressed like the Nikki I personally knew and loved. A little on the nicer side, but basically me. Simon told me I looked radient. I thanked him. It's amazing how he encourages me to be myself.
Anyway, he took me to disneyland. It was so strange, because I couldn't remember what it was like to go without my son. I actually kind of missed him, but Simon did take me on all the fast rides that Tristen is still too short for. He bought me a stuffed Stitch and a Mickey Mouse Hat, and also picked up a tigger for Tristen. We ate dinner on the riverboat and watched the parade, complete with snow at the end. When everyone was leaving, Simon's friend let us take the boat ride around the park underneath the stars. He held my hands and looked at me intently, telling me he had never felt like this before. I let him know what an amazing time I had, how much I enjoyed his company, and how I appreciated him, but I didn't want to get caught up in the moment, and that I wanted to take things slow. He knows about my mistakes, the pain I have caused myself and Tristen and he nodded, taking me into a warm hug.
I don't know what it was, the stars, the moon, or the gentle rocking of the boat and peaceful sounds of a magical place asleep, but I let him kiss me. Not let him, I wanted it as much as he did. It was just so perfect.
I don't think I'm in love with him, but I might like to be. he does have a soft, gentle side that's hard to see. I would have to say I hold him in such high regard as a person that I'm flattered he feels the same way. Flattered and very, very proud.