6x01 - "Sometimes Saving Yourself Doesn't Take the Most Noble Form"
Behind those doors it seemed the emphasis was always on making disciples above all else. For the men there was a mission to preach and lead in this endeavor. For the women there was the duty of listening and agreeing with the men without question while raising children to follow and take on the role prescribed to their gender. One's personal value and accomplishments were constantly measured against how many bible studies they conducted or followers gathered. All else was worthless, their truth was absolute, and any doubts were attacks against god. That's just the way life was within the congregation.
There was always applause when someone advanced their ministry, inducted a new student, or sired a new baptism. You were best behaved when you were quiet and considered well spoken if you accurately parroted doctrine. These things were the conditions for "unconditional" love, after all.
While growing, the few "true friends" I had within the congregation continued to do what was expected of them. No truer friends could there possibly be because the congregation claimed the rest of the world was full of traitors and liars. A true friend wouldn't criticize the bible or leave the faith. If they left with a mind full of ideas and questions or a belly full of child, they couldn't possibly be a true friend or even a decent person. One would be welcomed back with open arms and applause if they returned to being silent and "repented".
By speaking out, and questioning, I was alienated. I still see members of the congregation on the streets and will pass a polite smile or nod to those I recognize. Sometimes I'm greeted in return. Sometimes I'm asked if I plan to return to service with them. Other times I'm gloweringly addressed. I hold no ill will against them. As much as I enjoy complements and companionship, their particular variety of praise and approval is something I now happily live without.
therealljidol : 6x01 - Empty Gestures
There was always applause when someone advanced their ministry, inducted a new student, or sired a new baptism. You were best behaved when you were quiet and considered well spoken if you accurately parroted doctrine. These things were the conditions for "unconditional" love, after all.
While growing, the few "true friends" I had within the congregation continued to do what was expected of them. No truer friends could there possibly be because the congregation claimed the rest of the world was full of traitors and liars. A true friend wouldn't criticize the bible or leave the faith. If they left with a mind full of ideas and questions or a belly full of child, they couldn't possibly be a true friend or even a decent person. One would be welcomed back with open arms and applause if they returned to being silent and "repented".
By speaking out, and questioning, I was alienated. I still see members of the congregation on the streets and will pass a polite smile or nod to those I recognize. Sometimes I'm greeted in return. Sometimes I'm asked if I plan to return to service with them. Other times I'm gloweringly addressed. I hold no ill will against them. As much as I enjoy complements and companionship, their particular variety of praise and approval is something I now happily live without.
therealljidol : 6x01 - Empty Gestures