(Untitled)

[nikki5124]

I told a big fat lie today! Okay, it was more of a medium sized one. And what makes it worse is that I told it to someone that I love. Its easier to lie to strangers; you never again have to face the lie once they walk away. This is the very reason why I avoid lying at all cost! It causes all of this guilt that just sits on my chest until I can't

Comments

[tarot_bird]

This song really resonates with the energy of the Chariot and Tower, you know.. your Personality and Destiny Cards, according to the tarot. "Mind control" is the energy of the Chariot, and "Destruction of the Soul" the Tower! Pretty astonishing that you really are feeling the power of those cards in your life.

It's good that you wouldn't want to stay with someone who didn't treat you well, whatever the reason.. You're definitely better than that. My real dad didn't want anything to do with me. Some men are just assholes. My sister has fathered two children by assholes who ran off not wanting to know the kids. One of them didn't even know, I don't think, that she had a kid by him. The other stopped by (he was a one-night stand) to say he wanted to be in the kid's life, then sent a letter from a lawyer when his girlfriend threatened to drop him otherwise, saying he wanted nothing to do with him.

What a mess. In that case, I blame my sister as much as the fuckwads who fathered her children. I feel so sorry for them having to learn one day how cheap their life was, in the sense that they were just quickies by people who didn't care for each other enough to be a couple and provide the role-models that society bombards us with the expectation to have. They will feel that lack. Deeply.

God I hate the injustice of this world. They are innocent, sweet babies. And so were you hon... you did nothing wrong. You're not flawed. You're pretty cool as far as I can tell. :-)

[nikki5124]

I had to go back and read it again and you are so right. That was extremely accurate in describing my general mindset. I strive to be so strong and independent sometimes that i shoot myself in the own foot. I also block out people in my life who are genuinely there to help me. Wow. I've never had any experience with tarot cards but that is truly amazing.

I feel for your sisters kids. I know what its like, as do you, to not have a strong loving father figure in your life. My hope for them, and for myself, is that we can break this cycle that our parents placed us in, and build healthy relationship where love is the primary thing.

And thanks for the pep talk! I needed it! :) I had a good long talk with Tyler and everything worked out.

ps. your icons are making me want to watch The Labyrinth! I use to have it one vhs and the tape broke. I need to order the dvd from ebay today. It has the BEST soundtrack! I love that song by David Bowie at the end called Within You....

[tarot_bird]

I'm glad you sorted things out with your beau. :) And yep, that is one hell of a soundtrack. I have jived to that baby so often... You should get the soundtrack too! Bowie is rocking on that album and I don't care what anyone says, he is sexy as hell in that film. And I may be straight but Jennifer is fun to watch too.

Enjoy it once every few years! lol. I don't think I'll ever not love that film..

And lastly, I really hope my sister's kids work out those issues in the end as well. Meh. You too hon. Take it easy..