idek life
So apparently the last time I posted with this eljay was in March. WTG, self. I'm just glad school's almost over for the summer.
Warning: there is gratuitous amounts of bitching/emoangsting/frustration under the cut that I just need to get off my chest, so feel free to skip.
My French diction teacher just told me that I'm actually failing his class, and I should see if I can withdraw with a 'W' on my transcript. Unfortunately, the deadline for that was a week and a half ago. Great. I don't think I'm doing too great in German either. I'm doin' my best, ma, but it's just not working for me. Part of it is the fact that my schedule has me booked from about 11 until 5, which is weird so it throws me off. Note to self: from now on, all my school schedules are going from morning until afternoon, not afternoon until evening. It really screws over my equilibrium. Another part is I really just don't know how to study for German. The vocab is fine, but when it comes to the grammar, I'm dying. Which sucks because I really like the German language, and I like my teacher.
To make matters worse, apparently my diction teacher and my German teacher talk to each other about me over lunch. WTF. I don't even know. I don't care if you want to do that, diction teacher, but for the love of god, don't tell me about it. Way to make me feel awkward. Because really, how could they be saying anything good about me? I'm fucking up royal in both their classes, which sucks because they're both very nice people and I know they both want me to do well. That's just the kind of people they are. So in many ways, I'm not just disappointing my parents with my epic fail, but my teachers, too.
I don't know what it is about academia that makes it so hard for me to get a good handle on it and get good grades. I have the smarts for it; I know I have the smarts for it. So why can't I just sit down, dig in, and do the work? I'm almost constantly procrastinating. I don't even know why. I could've used the past two hours to study, but instead I stared at my book for an hour before realizing that none of it was getting committed to memory.
And another thing: I know I was diagnosed with ADD, but the last thing I want to do is use that as a crutch or excuse as to why I cannot do well. There are countless people with ADD and ADHD and other learning disorders that overcome them and do well in school. So why can't I do the same? Talk about one of the biggest frustrations in my life.
I think this weekend I just need to sit down and talk to my parents about all this. Because it's a major problem, and I don't think I can move forward until I get it resolved.
Now that that's over with, in other news, all my performances are finally over, which is really nice. I also canceled my WoW subscription, because I haven't played in about three weeks and just said to myself: "You know, that's a good thing, that you haven't played. You should keep up with that trend. And you know what would make it easier to keep up with that trend? Canceling your subscription." So I did. And it was all rather anticlimactic. I expected to feel like the most powerful person ever for it and to have a weight of my shoulders, but really, it was kind of like the same feeling when I dropped Doumeki:
"...well. That's that."
And we all move along.
Speaking of moving along, I have to go to class. Stay classy, gaiz.
Warning: there is gratuitous amounts of bitching/emoangsting/frustration under the cut that I just need to get off my chest, so feel free to skip.
My French diction teacher just told me that I'm actually failing his class, and I should see if I can withdraw with a 'W' on my transcript. Unfortunately, the deadline for that was a week and a half ago. Great. I don't think I'm doing too great in German either. I'm doin' my best, ma, but it's just not working for me. Part of it is the fact that my schedule has me booked from about 11 until 5, which is weird so it throws me off. Note to self: from now on, all my school schedules are going from morning until afternoon, not afternoon until evening. It really screws over my equilibrium. Another part is I really just don't know how to study for German. The vocab is fine, but when it comes to the grammar, I'm dying. Which sucks because I really like the German language, and I like my teacher.
To make matters worse, apparently my diction teacher and my German teacher talk to each other about me over lunch. WTF. I don't even know. I don't care if you want to do that, diction teacher, but for the love of god, don't tell me about it. Way to make me feel awkward. Because really, how could they be saying anything good about me? I'm fucking up royal in both their classes, which sucks because they're both very nice people and I know they both want me to do well. That's just the kind of people they are. So in many ways, I'm not just disappointing my parents with my epic fail, but my teachers, too.
I don't know what it is about academia that makes it so hard for me to get a good handle on it and get good grades. I have the smarts for it; I know I have the smarts for it. So why can't I just sit down, dig in, and do the work? I'm almost constantly procrastinating. I don't even know why. I could've used the past two hours to study, but instead I stared at my book for an hour before realizing that none of it was getting committed to memory.
And another thing: I know I was diagnosed with ADD, but the last thing I want to do is use that as a crutch or excuse as to why I cannot do well. There are countless people with ADD and ADHD and other learning disorders that overcome them and do well in school. So why can't I do the same? Talk about one of the biggest frustrations in my life.
I think this weekend I just need to sit down and talk to my parents about all this. Because it's a major problem, and I don't think I can move forward until I get it resolved.
Now that that's over with, in other news, all my performances are finally over, which is really nice. I also canceled my WoW subscription, because I haven't played in about three weeks and just said to myself: "You know, that's a good thing, that you haven't played. You should keep up with that trend. And you know what would make it easier to keep up with that trend? Canceling your subscription." So I did. And it was all rather anticlimactic. I expected to feel like the most powerful person ever for it and to have a weight of my shoulders, but really, it was kind of like the same feeling when I dropped Doumeki:
"...well. That's that."
And we all move along.
Speaking of moving along, I have to go to class. Stay classy, gaiz.