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I wrote a letter to God today while I was on the subway... if you have never read any of my entries before this one is something you have to read... because idk.. it just i felt like I needed something..
Dear God,
I'm not good at the whole prayer thing so I'll write you a letter. I'm sorry for all the times I've been unfaithful and all the times I've used your name in vain. I'm sorry that I stopped going to church and that I don't pray as much as I should. I'm sorry for all the times I've put others down. I know that you made everyone as they are and you have your plan. Thank you Lord for giving me a second chance at life. I'm sorry I dont thank you as much as I should, it's something I'm working on. I'm sorry I give into temptation so easily. I'm sorry for all the people I've put down and to them also. I ask for forgiveness not just from them, but from you God. I'm sorry for all the times I've sinned. I'm sorry for every commandment I went against. I'm sorry I'm so disrespectful to my mom, but could you help me out a little? I pray that you'll help my mother and I have a stronger relationship. Please bless my dad, I know he hasnt always been religious, but please guide him and watch over him. I really love my parents and I want a stronger relationship with them. I'm sorry for all the times I've said I'd change but went right back to the same bad things. Lord, please help me become a better person. Help me think of you before I speak, before I act. Help me to find courage to do what is right. Give me the courage to just let it go when someone says something mean to me. Please, I hope you'll hear this.. maybe I need to read it out loud when i'm done. I'm sorry it's so long, we have a lot to catch up on. I'm sorry for all the lies I've ever told, and all the mean things I have done or said. Lord, please help me show people that I'm better than my past. Please help me let go of grudges and help me forgive. Help me to make the right decisions in the future. Let me apologize in advance for all the mistakes I have in store for the future. God, I think that I might write you more letters, it really helps me get things out and I know you're always there to talk to. Help me achieve inner peace and love myself for who I am. Help me to not hurt myself anymore. help me to start eating again. I'm sorry for talking back and arguing. I am sorry for neglecting my schoolwork. Please help me. Give me motivation to excel. I am easily discouraged, help me to overcome that. Help me to overcome gossip around me and the drama. Help me not to talk badly about other people, because I know how much it hurts when it happens to me. Bless Jasmine and Stinili Philbrick, I know that they dont like me, and have said awful things in the past. Lord, forgive them and help me to forgive them. Help them to walk in your way and become closer with you. Please help Jasmine and Stinili not to say those mean things anymore- I'd like to talk it out with either one of them, but I cannot handle the mean things the say to me. I know deep inside they are really nice people, because I was once friends with them. Please help me not to respond in a mean way when someone says something that hurts me. Lord give me strengh as Jesus had when he died on the cross, because of our sins. All the horrible things they said to jesus he never once fought back. They hurt him physically, emotionally, and mentally. He had faith in you Lord.. The faith Jesus had in you when everyone else put him down. I want to be like that. No one is perfect, and help me remember that before I put anyone down. A promise I am making you is I will TRY my best not to put others down. I will treat others as I'd like to be treated and forgive people when they say mean things to me even though they never apologize. Help me to study for my midterms and do well. I know I have been slacking lately. So please motivate me to do well. To do BETTER. Help me put my BEST FOOT FORWARD in every situation. Help me make the RIGHT choice. taht may not be the SAME CHOICE as all my friends, but I know that it's the RIGHT one. Please bless kadi Calloway, she has gone through a lot of hardships in the past years. Bless her family. Help guide her. Lord please let us meet each other in 2005. It would mean an awful lot to me. Keep blessing Rachael Spratenburg; I admire her for her strong faith in you that is everlasting, like your love. Help me to talk to her more Lord. Help me to not swear as much, it is a bad habit that will only get me in trouble. Forgive me for when I cheated on james, he's not a bad kid, he didn't deserve it. Lord, thank you for helping me change into a better person. I see more changes in myself everyday. Lord, bless trish... with all her problems she is facing. help her to be strong.. help her not to hurt and realize how precious her life is. Bless the kids I babysit. help me to be a good role model for them. help me to learn how to better express myself. Help me to realize not to trust everyone and help me learn to take out my anger in better ways. Lord, help me to keep in touch and stay close to my family in the Philippines. I love them a lot and I want to remain close with them. Bless them they have such strong faith in you. I admire that. Thank you for giving me wonderful people in my life to talk to. Mr. McKenna, Ann Hodgekiss, Dr. Namair, thank you for putting them in my life as people I can talk to. Thank you for the teachers I have this year, Mr. Frandzel, Miss Weeks, Miss Whitehead, Mr. jacobs, Mr allen and EVEN MS TAYLOR. I feel like I have a beautiful and strong relationship with my teachers. I can tell they really care about me as a person not just as a student. They are always there for me and try to always help me. Bless them, and thank you for putting them in my life Lord. Lord, thank you for all the friends you've blessed me with. Thank you for all the people who care about me. Lord, I REALLY hope that it isn't true that you send someone to hell just for being a homosexual. I'm sorry for not agreeing with you on sexuality as being a sin. Lord, bless my best friend Mark Rioux. Thank you for putting him in my life he is an AMAZING individual. His friendship means so much to me. Don't send him to hell just because he's gay, he's too much of a good person. It isn't his fault he isn't attracted to women. Lord, help Mark make the right decisions. Forgive me for all the things I said about in middle school. Thank you for helping me mature and look pastouter appearance or else I'd be missing out on one of the best friend ships anyone could ever have. Friends like Mark aren't everywhere, they are really special.. and you have to treasure them. Please bless me today at my first day at modeling school. Help me to do my best. Bless all the girls who didnt get accepted. Help them to not be discouraged and follow in your path. I'm sure you have planned a bright future for every single one of those girls. Let them realize it is not the end of the world, there are many opportunities out their waiting. Lord, help me not to care about what others think about me. All that matters is YOUR opinion of me. Bless Cody kirwin, he's a really good kid, he just doesn't always do what's right. Help me to fully forgive him for what he did to me. Thank you for giving me a second chance with him.. he makes me really happy. Thank you for putting Kenny Brown in my life, because he is TRUELY a wonderful person. Thank you for not giving up on me Lord. I see you helping me everyday. Teaching me to discipline myself and stay away from evil things. WOW THIS IS LONG... God, we need to talk more often. Please help me overcome obstacles I'm facing. I know when I have faith in you. I can do anything. Please bless non-believers to help believe in you Lord. I hope you dont mind if I show this to my mom.. I let her read it so fat and she thinks I should share it with everyone.. It's nice sharing my faith with people... Maybe this will inspire people to have a stronger faith in you or read their bible.. maybe even pray. Thank you for EVERYTHING you have blessed me with. Thank you for helping me through hard times. Help me face all the hardships to come. Bless Danielle Fredette.. we have been friends since 5th grade and I really trust her. Please help her to see her mom when she grows up. Ron does a WONDERFUL job raising two kids.. Please help Danielle to one day have a strong relationship with her mom. It's not fair that she doesn't. Danielle is such a wonderful and gifted person. I want her mom to see that and realize this is the time in a girls life when she needs her mom the most. Lord, thank you for all the abilities you have given to me. I'm sorry for every cut and every scar on my body. I'm sorry for every way I've damaged my body. I'm sorry for all the invisible damage my body is left with. I wish that you could change the lives of everyone on this planet. Help me not to be scared of death, it's something I've always been afraid of. I'm saying sorry in advance that I'm not going to wait until I'm married to have sex, I;m sorry Lord. I promise to always wear protection and only do it if I know the person isn't using me for sex. I'll make sure I'm in a good realtionship and that we both love each other. Lord.. bless my grandparents in california. I don't know how much longer have on this eath, but please let them see me graduate from highschioool. I want them to be proud of me. I love them so much they are amazing. They took care of me when I was a little girl. Thank you for my parents aslo. I also know they love me and are trying to do what is BEST for me. I hope we grow closer as a family and set aside our differences and be more considerate of each other. Lord thank you SO MUCH for this life... My life has its ups and downs but I know people care about me. Please stop me from cutting EVER again. Help me not judge a person until I get to know them. Please dont rush my future.. help me savor every moment of my childhood.. I feel as though I'm being forced to grow up TOO FAST. I know I like being treated as an adult, but I also want to enjoy what is left of my childhood. LORD, thank you for listening to me. Sorry if I dont always agree with everything like homosexuality and sex before marraige. help our country, I don't like our president, but help him make good decisions.. Thank you for the self esteem I have recently discovered. I hjope I become more confident. Help me become more postive and not say NEGATIVE things or think negativley. Lord bless anyone and everyone who reads this.. i hope it inspires them to get their feelings out on paper, or have faith in you. I'm tired of my old life. I want to be born again, born again as a christian.. but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet... but it's something we can work on. Thank you for reading my prayer... thank you for blessing my life. ALEM. <3 Nikky Raney
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