Yet Another Rant Against The F***ers at SBC
Things Rebecca Doesn't Enjoy Listening To:
1. People cracking their knuckles.
2. A mouse scurrying across her kitchen counter.
3. An entity incomprehensively entitled "Customer Service."
No, I do not have my DSL router. Did I stay home all day, this hot, sweaty A/C-less September day, forgoing laundry, grocery-shopping and Target-shopping? Yes, yes I did. Did I carefully leave a note outside my door assuring UPS that I was indeed home? Check, did that. And yet no router. I called up UPS's automated phone system and navigated to a point where I heard a friendly recording inform me that my package has been at the UPS warehouse available for pick-up since August 25th.
!$%!(*&$#^%!@#$^!#!!!!!!
That was my approximate response, but I don't recall exactly. I called up SBC and navigated through their phone maze until I found a live person, who promptly put me on hold repeatedly while she spoke to UPS. She came back on the line to tell me that my package has been at the UPS warehouse available for pick-up since August 25th. I thanked her sweetly and repeated that I had specifically rescheduled the delivery for a day when I could be home. Oh, there it was! Right in my file! She hadn't seen that part.
::grits teeth and wipes sweat from under glasses on bridge of nose::
So then we had a three-way in the least hot sense of the word, just me, SBC Lady and UPS Guy. In between smacks of his gum, he managed -
Oh, there goes my phone. This should be good - UPS calling me back.
ARGH!! They've assigned me to an incompetant teenager who is also chewing gum! I think he may be stoned. I'm trying to hold on to what's left of my patience as I drill the facts into his simple brain, but things aren't going well.
Upon my request, he has sniffed and transferred me to his manager, whose line has been beeping at me for some time. Oh, darn, his supervisor is busy. I get Stoner Boy again. I think his favorite word is "Uh".
::tears out hair::
Well, back to the story while I wait for Stoner Boy to track down the address of their Madison location. UPS Guy said he would arrange for a future delivery of my package. I (again, very patiently, for I am a saint) explained that The Powers That Be at UPS had designated my package as "in-person signature required". If they schedule it for future delivery, I will be working and NOT THERE to get it. Hence my staying home all day today. Dumbasses.
So, after that highly enjoyable conversation, the three of us agreed that UPS would see if they still had the package in that warehouse or if it was magically on its way to my home, and call me back to make new delivery arrangements. I let UPS guy know how much I was looking forward to that.
SBC Lady tried to get away after UPS Guy hung up, but I yanked her back by the scruff of her neck and asked if I was being billed even though I don't have the equipment. After hemming and hawing, she admitted that was true, but there wass nothing she could do until I get the bill. Then I am welcome to call Billing and work it out with them. Am I? AM I?
I gathered up my self-possession and told her I thought I deserved my first month of service free of charge (assuming I ever actually get any service). Ooh, nothing she can do about that. I'll have to call Billing. Could she transfer me to Billing? Sorry, no, they won't have any information on me until I've activated my account, which I can do as soon as I've got the router.
::envisions crushing phone and tiny voice into tiny tiny bits::
Well then. Could she at least transfer me to a manager or anyone who handles Customer Complaints? I happen to have a Customer Complaint handy right here.
New SBC Lady - Joanne. Joanne listened to my litany of complaints (beginning with my recounting of setting this all up MONTHS AGO and ending with an inspired musing that I was ready to call up Charter) ... and asked what I wanted her to do about it. Sputtering, I said I wanted my first month free and for someone to listen and care about it. She pulled up my account and eventually said she would credit me for the first month when it showed up on my bill. I got all her info so I have some semblance of a record.
Ironically, it's SBC policy for the employee to end the conversation by saying, "Is there anything else I can do to make your SBC experience more satisfying?" I have so many choice answers for that, but I've yet to let loose with one.
(by the way - I have finished this entire post and revised and the guy STILL hasn't called back with the address)
::cries pathetically::
C'mon, guys. Just give me what I paid for. I'm not asking for a lot here. Stoner Boy just called me back and told me the center is on a road in Madison I have never heard of, and it's open for pick-up from 10-12 and 4-6 tomorrow. I repeated that I WORKED DURING THE DAY. Oh.
Sighing, I asked him if I stayed home again on Friday, if my package would actually appear on my doorstep. With the assistance of numerous "Uh's", he said he didn't know why not. What's the latest it will arrive on Friday? Well, it shouldn't be any later than 8 p.m.
Thanks very much, Stoner Boy. I look forward to my house arrest again on Friday.
1. People cracking their knuckles.
2. A mouse scurrying across her kitchen counter.
3. An entity incomprehensively entitled "Customer Service."
No, I do not have my DSL router. Did I stay home all day, this hot, sweaty A/C-less September day, forgoing laundry, grocery-shopping and Target-shopping? Yes, yes I did. Did I carefully leave a note outside my door assuring UPS that I was indeed home? Check, did that. And yet no router. I called up UPS's automated phone system and navigated to a point where I heard a friendly recording inform me that my package has been at the UPS warehouse available for pick-up since August 25th.
!$%!(*&$#^%!@#$^!#!!!!!!
That was my approximate response, but I don't recall exactly. I called up SBC and navigated through their phone maze until I found a live person, who promptly put me on hold repeatedly while she spoke to UPS. She came back on the line to tell me that my package has been at the UPS warehouse available for pick-up since August 25th. I thanked her sweetly and repeated that I had specifically rescheduled the delivery for a day when I could be home. Oh, there it was! Right in my file! She hadn't seen that part.
::grits teeth and wipes sweat from under glasses on bridge of nose::
So then we had a three-way in the least hot sense of the word, just me, SBC Lady and UPS Guy. In between smacks of his gum, he managed -
Oh, there goes my phone. This should be good - UPS calling me back.
ARGH!! They've assigned me to an incompetant teenager who is also chewing gum! I think he may be stoned. I'm trying to hold on to what's left of my patience as I drill the facts into his simple brain, but things aren't going well.
Upon my request, he has sniffed and transferred me to his manager, whose line has been beeping at me for some time. Oh, darn, his supervisor is busy. I get Stoner Boy again. I think his favorite word is "Uh".
::tears out hair::
Well, back to the story while I wait for Stoner Boy to track down the address of their Madison location. UPS Guy said he would arrange for a future delivery of my package. I (again, very patiently, for I am a saint) explained that The Powers That Be at UPS had designated my package as "in-person signature required". If they schedule it for future delivery, I will be working and NOT THERE to get it. Hence my staying home all day today. Dumbasses.
So, after that highly enjoyable conversation, the three of us agreed that UPS would see if they still had the package in that warehouse or if it was magically on its way to my home, and call me back to make new delivery arrangements. I let UPS guy know how much I was looking forward to that.
SBC Lady tried to get away after UPS Guy hung up, but I yanked her back by the scruff of her neck and asked if I was being billed even though I don't have the equipment. After hemming and hawing, she admitted that was true, but there wass nothing she could do until I get the bill. Then I am welcome to call Billing and work it out with them. Am I? AM I?
I gathered up my self-possession and told her I thought I deserved my first month of service free of charge (assuming I ever actually get any service). Ooh, nothing she can do about that. I'll have to call Billing. Could she transfer me to Billing? Sorry, no, they won't have any information on me until I've activated my account, which I can do as soon as I've got the router.
::envisions crushing phone and tiny voice into tiny tiny bits::
Well then. Could she at least transfer me to a manager or anyone who handles Customer Complaints? I happen to have a Customer Complaint handy right here.
New SBC Lady - Joanne. Joanne listened to my litany of complaints (beginning with my recounting of setting this all up MONTHS AGO and ending with an inspired musing that I was ready to call up Charter) ... and asked what I wanted her to do about it. Sputtering, I said I wanted my first month free and for someone to listen and care about it. She pulled up my account and eventually said she would credit me for the first month when it showed up on my bill. I got all her info so I have some semblance of a record.
Ironically, it's SBC policy for the employee to end the conversation by saying, "Is there anything else I can do to make your SBC experience more satisfying?" I have so many choice answers for that, but I've yet to let loose with one.
(by the way - I have finished this entire post and revised and the guy STILL hasn't called back with the address)
::cries pathetically::
C'mon, guys. Just give me what I paid for. I'm not asking for a lot here. Stoner Boy just called me back and told me the center is on a road in Madison I have never heard of, and it's open for pick-up from 10-12 and 4-6 tomorrow. I repeated that I WORKED DURING THE DAY. Oh.
Sighing, I asked him if I stayed home again on Friday, if my package would actually appear on my doorstep. With the assistance of numerous "Uh's", he said he didn't know why not. What's the latest it will arrive on Friday? Well, it shouldn't be any later than 8 p.m.
Thanks very much, Stoner Boy. I look forward to my house arrest again on Friday.