Fic that took for-freaking-ever
So I kept saying I wouldn't write anything else till this was done because I liked the beginning so much... well then I did the one thing you're not supposed to do. I fought the fic, thus why it took so long. But finally, here it is!
Title: Almost Human
Rating: R
Warnings: some gore and blood and a little yuri
Word Count: 2,543
Pairings/Characters: Nel/Hime
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach and everyone is legal despite the continuity errors that creates.
Summary: The final battle is over but there are some wounds even Orihime can not heal. (Will be AU in the next few manga chapters)
A heavy sigh escaped me as I sank to the floor of this palace I once knew so well. Blood now painted the pristine white walls that echoed with the ragged breathing of those that had not died. The cool stone of the wall at my back eased the ache in my muscles that were long unused to wielding my lance. I turned my head, pressing my cheek to the wall, closing my eyes for a moment to savor the chill of the stone. My gaze slid past the tattered doorway to the room beyond. The broken remains of Aizen-sama’s throne stood upon its dais, pale moonlight funneled down upon it. The sun no longer shone in Los Noches and I wondered if it was because Aizen-sama was dead or if we had simply not noticed that night fell when he left this desolate world.
The stairs of the dais were sprayed with blood but the space beyond, the long hall that led to the throne, was strewn with carnage. Many of the fallen Espada had come to this place when Aizen-sama left for Karakura. Which was good for Aizen-sama’s plans as all of those that had come to save Orihime had assembled here as well. The battle done, those left alive had retreated into the hall beyond. Those I had once considered comrades lay in that blood-painted room and those I now considered friends stood beyond it.
The Quincy lay just opposite the door, his face pale and breathing shallow but he was alive, a state of being that had only recently been returned to him. I turned my head back, looking down the hall to where Orihime knelt over Ichigo and Kenpachi, the glow of her powers slowly reviving them. Their injuries would remain but she had enough strength to at least keep her friends from dying. It had surprised me when it happened but the small pink-haired girl, Yachiru I believe they’d called her, was curled into a ball on Kenpachi’s lap. The fierce man’s large hand tangled in her hair which he had been stroking since she’d been revived, regardless of the blood the action left in her hair.
A faint smile tugged at my lips to know that even a man such as him held some affection. It was a comforting knowledge that perhaps I had not been mistaken to think there could be more beneath a blood-lusting, power-hungry façade. My eyes slid closed, the image of Nnoitora’s broken body sprawled on the sand burning its way into my mind. I had been a fool to care for that beast of a man. Beasts… that’s what we are though, isn’t it? We are creatures of darkness afforded human form by the twisted powers of science and greed. When I opened my eyes again my vision swam slightly with unshed tears and I realized I had no place here, among these brave humans that had risked everything for friendship and the betterment of a world I had once tried to help destroy.
Despite the fierce protest of my abused body I pushed myself to my feet, leaning heavily on the wall for support. None of the injured assembly of humans looked up. Of course, why should they care for the well being of one such as me? A charade of humanity hiding a monster that I could never suppress. The gentle glow of Orihime’s power flickered faintly and she made a small, tired noise of determination. As I turned to pick my way over the debris of the door I hear Ichigo’s voice quietly telling her not to kill herself for his sake. That is exactly what she would do, use up her powers until she had nothing left to give, even if it killed her. It was such a human thing to do.
The air in the throne room was thick, suffocatingly so. Thick with the lingering charge of reiatsu from the battle, thick with the coppery scent of blood and death, with the faint mist and the sharp sulphuric smell of too many cero blasts in an enclosed space. I stumbled towards the lit dais with its broken throne, my body moving sluggishly. My already unsteady steps faltered when my foot landed in a pool of blood. I gasped sharply as I dropped to one knee, the foot that had slid from under me now pressed into the gore that had once been Menoly’s hip. I shifted both of my feet back under me, tears clouding my vision and a sharp tight feeling welling in my chest when I saw Lolly’s hand clinging to Menoly’s. So the children hadn’t died as quickly as I’d thought.
I rose again to my feet, forcing myself forward. Only the need to distance myself from the others and their vibrant humanity kept me moving. I did not belong there with them, they were alive in so many ways that I was not and never could be. They felt as no others I had ever seen. Love, hate, friendship, loyalty, passion, life. They experienced everything this twisted world threw at them with a kind of fierce determination to overcome the likes of which I had never seen. I had seen the most unlikely things happen from determination, ambition, persistence but all for the sake of oneself. Then these humans came along and things that I would’ve deemed completely impossible fell away, defeated by their passion for life and each other. I glanced back over my shoulder at the door. No, I did not belong with them. I never would. I was little better than those they had slain.
That single glance was enough to make my feet lose their rhythm. I couldn’t stop the half whimpered cry as I fell forward. My hand caught me before I hit my head on the short wide steps up the dais. I groaned as my body refused my command to stand again, leaving me slumped on the step below the throne, surveying the room full of the dead. Those that had already been dead long before they stopped breathing, just like me.
“Nel-chan!” My head snapped up as I heard Orihime call my name, worry evident in her voice. Worry I did not deserve. She slipped and stumbled her way across the corpses littering the floor with a speed that surprised me given how pale and drained she looked. Before I had even realized what she was doing she had knelt beside me, wrapping her pale arms around my shoulders, ignoring the way they trembled.
“Inoue-san…” I whispered her name, reaching one hand up to touch the arm over my chest but I paused when I saw the half dried blood that clung to my hands. I would not sully her with my blood-stained hands. She pulled back ever so slightly to look at me, her grey eyes showing her confusion.
“What happened to Orihime?” She asked, hurt shadowed by her confusion, all so easily readable on her face. I wanted to tell her that I did not deserve the privilege to call her by her given name. That I did not deserve the slender arms around me, the faint sheen of tears in her eyes, nor the worry on her voice when she called out to me. Yet I could not bring myself to say any of those things. I could not make myself pull away from her loose embrace. If I were honest with myself, whether I deserved it or not, I wanted those things and so much more. I wanted to feel alive the way they did, the way I had not for more years than I could count. I wanted to feel more than just this emptiness that had begun long before I could remember.
“Sorry… Orihime.” I quietly corrected myself, offering her a small smile that I knew would be negated by the tears in my eyes. Tears for what I was and, more importantly, what I wasn’t. She leaned away from me but kept her eyes carefully trained on my face, refusing to look at what lay in the room beyond us. Even so the knowledge that she could not help any of them brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes, and she looked down at her own hands when they threatened to spill. I reached out, pausing to wipe as much of the blood off my hand as I could before I grasped her chin firmly but gently.
“Do not cry for them.” My voice, like my touch was gentle, soft but held no room for argument. Despite the tone she still furrowed her brow in confusion and another tear carved a path down her dirt-streaked face. “When a hollow is killed their soul moves on to soul society. It is the same with the Arrancar. Do not grieve for them… they have the chance now to start a new life somewhere, free of the sins of their afterlife, free of Aizen’s grasp… free…” the last word was a whisper that barely escaped my throat as I choked on the tears I refused to let fall. It would be too selfish, to cry for myself not to grieve for their loss. I wanted nothing more than to be free to live, truly live as only these humans seem to but here I was, still trapped in this human façade. I lowered my eyes and released Orihime, shifting away from her, to face the vast room permeated with death.
“Nel…” A slender hand gripped my shoulder and my eyes slid closed. That simple gesture was full of so many things I had never felt before. My skin seemed to heat under her hand, her warmth radiated out from that point until I could not suppress the faint shiver that ran through me. “I’m sorry…” her voice was so quiet I would not have known she had spoken if she weren’t so very close to me. It seemed strange that something spoken so softly could hold so much emotion. Her power allowed her to heal any wounds her friends endured and yet here she was unable to help me… a creature not worthy of her friendship, let alone her help.
“What could you possibly be apologizing for?” I asked with a quiet, bitter laugh. She squeezed my shoulder again and I lifted my gaze to her face. Confusion and hurt shone out of her pale grey eyes.
“You tell me not to grieve from them and yet…” Her soft voice trailed away and I was surprised to feel the delicate brush of her fingertips over my cheek, tracing the lines of tears on my face. I felt a fresh wave of sorrow descend upon me at her gentle touch, a kind gesture I had never felt before. That soft touch became firm when I tried to turn from her. Though she held me to face her I did not meet her eyes. I was unused and undeserving of this kind of attention. Part of me wanted to bask in the light that was Orihime Inoue but that small part was trampled by the fear and doubt clawing at my mind. I had spent so very many years practicing indifference that I now doubted I had ever known how to care. It was safer to care for nothing and no one. After all it was caring that had left me incapacitated for the last few months.
Unbidden my eyes sought out Pesshe’s crumpled form amongst the ruins of life. It had been my choice to let them go, let them move on. Their masks were once again broken. I know what kind of pain that causes the soul. I would not be responsible for forcing them to endure that a second time, not at my behalf. Besides there were so many others that needed Orihime’s help I would not add to her burden.
The grip on my chin tightened and a soft sighed escaped her when I still refused to meet her piercing gaze. It was a sound of resignation that nearly caused me to breathe my own sigh of relief. Her hand relinquished my chin, instead sliding into the curling mass of my hair to cradle my head. Her intent, I’m sure, had been to pull me to lean against her shoulder. However, I chose that moment to finally lift not only my gaze but also my face to her, just as she pulled me forward.
Grey eyes widened, a soft squeak of surprise left her as our lips met briefly. I inhaled sharply, my own wide eyes meeting hers. Both of us too stunned to do anything more than stare at one another for the space of mere heartbeats, all seeming to stretch endlessly as emotions danced through her eyes. I knew my own reflected the same. Both of us weighing the pros, the cons, our own desires versus the comforts we could offer one another. Her eyes softened and the tension seemed to leave her body in a rush. She leaned forward ever so slightly, increasing the pressure of her soft full lips against my own. Her reiatsu flared against me, warm and gentle, comforting and soothing to my own battered form.
With her acquiescence to this unexpected opportunity any doubts or worries I had fled, leaving me empty. Her blanketing comfort drowned out the sharp pain I felt at the events of the last few hours leaving me feeling numb except where her lips touched mine. There was scalding, passionate life seeping into me through her. As if I could retain even a small part of her vitality, humanity, through her kiss alone. That thought left me desperate for more of her. I ignored my body’s protestations, surging up against her. I rose to my knees, my lips never leaving hers, my hands threading into the silken chestnut waves of her hair to hold her against me.
As I rose the ground beneath me seemed to shift. The moan that left me was only partially due to the heat of her mouth as her tongue tentatively lapped at my lips. Suddenly my mouth was awash with the gentle sweetness that was Orihime. Her tongue sliding against my own, stealing what little strength I had left with an unexpectedly fierce kiss. Her hands twisted in my hair, her tongue delved deep and I fell beneath the onslaught.
I my hand slowly fell from her hair, the effort of keeping my arm raised too much for my abused muscles. I relaxed against her, untill she was nearly cradling me in her lap and still the kiss wore on, neither of us willing to relinquish our tenuous anchor to salvation. A faint groan of frustration left me as the ever-pressing need for oxygen made stars dance across the backs of my eyelids. With a finally resigned moan she broke the kiss. My eyes fluttered for brief seconds on the swirl of chestnut hair and warm grey eyes above me. As the darkness slid over me I felt a faint smile tug at the corner of my mouth.
I may not be human but through all the carnage I had retained my humanity, and that was all that mattered.
Title: Almost Human
Rating: R
Warnings: some gore and blood and a little yuri
Word Count: 2,543
Pairings/Characters: Nel/Hime
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach and everyone is legal despite the continuity errors that creates.
Summary: The final battle is over but there are some wounds even Orihime can not heal. (Will be AU in the next few manga chapters)
A heavy sigh escaped me as I sank to the floor of this palace I once knew so well. Blood now painted the pristine white walls that echoed with the ragged breathing of those that had not died. The cool stone of the wall at my back eased the ache in my muscles that were long unused to wielding my lance. I turned my head, pressing my cheek to the wall, closing my eyes for a moment to savor the chill of the stone. My gaze slid past the tattered doorway to the room beyond. The broken remains of Aizen-sama’s throne stood upon its dais, pale moonlight funneled down upon it. The sun no longer shone in Los Noches and I wondered if it was because Aizen-sama was dead or if we had simply not noticed that night fell when he left this desolate world.
The stairs of the dais were sprayed with blood but the space beyond, the long hall that led to the throne, was strewn with carnage. Many of the fallen Espada had come to this place when Aizen-sama left for Karakura. Which was good for Aizen-sama’s plans as all of those that had come to save Orihime had assembled here as well. The battle done, those left alive had retreated into the hall beyond. Those I had once considered comrades lay in that blood-painted room and those I now considered friends stood beyond it.
The Quincy lay just opposite the door, his face pale and breathing shallow but he was alive, a state of being that had only recently been returned to him. I turned my head back, looking down the hall to where Orihime knelt over Ichigo and Kenpachi, the glow of her powers slowly reviving them. Their injuries would remain but she had enough strength to at least keep her friends from dying. It had surprised me when it happened but the small pink-haired girl, Yachiru I believe they’d called her, was curled into a ball on Kenpachi’s lap. The fierce man’s large hand tangled in her hair which he had been stroking since she’d been revived, regardless of the blood the action left in her hair.
A faint smile tugged at my lips to know that even a man such as him held some affection. It was a comforting knowledge that perhaps I had not been mistaken to think there could be more beneath a blood-lusting, power-hungry façade. My eyes slid closed, the image of Nnoitora’s broken body sprawled on the sand burning its way into my mind. I had been a fool to care for that beast of a man. Beasts… that’s what we are though, isn’t it? We are creatures of darkness afforded human form by the twisted powers of science and greed. When I opened my eyes again my vision swam slightly with unshed tears and I realized I had no place here, among these brave humans that had risked everything for friendship and the betterment of a world I had once tried to help destroy.
Despite the fierce protest of my abused body I pushed myself to my feet, leaning heavily on the wall for support. None of the injured assembly of humans looked up. Of course, why should they care for the well being of one such as me? A charade of humanity hiding a monster that I could never suppress. The gentle glow of Orihime’s power flickered faintly and she made a small, tired noise of determination. As I turned to pick my way over the debris of the door I hear Ichigo’s voice quietly telling her not to kill herself for his sake. That is exactly what she would do, use up her powers until she had nothing left to give, even if it killed her. It was such a human thing to do.
The air in the throne room was thick, suffocatingly so. Thick with the lingering charge of reiatsu from the battle, thick with the coppery scent of blood and death, with the faint mist and the sharp sulphuric smell of too many cero blasts in an enclosed space. I stumbled towards the lit dais with its broken throne, my body moving sluggishly. My already unsteady steps faltered when my foot landed in a pool of blood. I gasped sharply as I dropped to one knee, the foot that had slid from under me now pressed into the gore that had once been Menoly’s hip. I shifted both of my feet back under me, tears clouding my vision and a sharp tight feeling welling in my chest when I saw Lolly’s hand clinging to Menoly’s. So the children hadn’t died as quickly as I’d thought.
I rose again to my feet, forcing myself forward. Only the need to distance myself from the others and their vibrant humanity kept me moving. I did not belong there with them, they were alive in so many ways that I was not and never could be. They felt as no others I had ever seen. Love, hate, friendship, loyalty, passion, life. They experienced everything this twisted world threw at them with a kind of fierce determination to overcome the likes of which I had never seen. I had seen the most unlikely things happen from determination, ambition, persistence but all for the sake of oneself. Then these humans came along and things that I would’ve deemed completely impossible fell away, defeated by their passion for life and each other. I glanced back over my shoulder at the door. No, I did not belong with them. I never would. I was little better than those they had slain.
That single glance was enough to make my feet lose their rhythm. I couldn’t stop the half whimpered cry as I fell forward. My hand caught me before I hit my head on the short wide steps up the dais. I groaned as my body refused my command to stand again, leaving me slumped on the step below the throne, surveying the room full of the dead. Those that had already been dead long before they stopped breathing, just like me.
“Nel-chan!” My head snapped up as I heard Orihime call my name, worry evident in her voice. Worry I did not deserve. She slipped and stumbled her way across the corpses littering the floor with a speed that surprised me given how pale and drained she looked. Before I had even realized what she was doing she had knelt beside me, wrapping her pale arms around my shoulders, ignoring the way they trembled.
“Inoue-san…” I whispered her name, reaching one hand up to touch the arm over my chest but I paused when I saw the half dried blood that clung to my hands. I would not sully her with my blood-stained hands. She pulled back ever so slightly to look at me, her grey eyes showing her confusion.
“What happened to Orihime?” She asked, hurt shadowed by her confusion, all so easily readable on her face. I wanted to tell her that I did not deserve the privilege to call her by her given name. That I did not deserve the slender arms around me, the faint sheen of tears in her eyes, nor the worry on her voice when she called out to me. Yet I could not bring myself to say any of those things. I could not make myself pull away from her loose embrace. If I were honest with myself, whether I deserved it or not, I wanted those things and so much more. I wanted to feel alive the way they did, the way I had not for more years than I could count. I wanted to feel more than just this emptiness that had begun long before I could remember.
“Sorry… Orihime.” I quietly corrected myself, offering her a small smile that I knew would be negated by the tears in my eyes. Tears for what I was and, more importantly, what I wasn’t. She leaned away from me but kept her eyes carefully trained on my face, refusing to look at what lay in the room beyond us. Even so the knowledge that she could not help any of them brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes, and she looked down at her own hands when they threatened to spill. I reached out, pausing to wipe as much of the blood off my hand as I could before I grasped her chin firmly but gently.
“Do not cry for them.” My voice, like my touch was gentle, soft but held no room for argument. Despite the tone she still furrowed her brow in confusion and another tear carved a path down her dirt-streaked face. “When a hollow is killed their soul moves on to soul society. It is the same with the Arrancar. Do not grieve for them… they have the chance now to start a new life somewhere, free of the sins of their afterlife, free of Aizen’s grasp… free…” the last word was a whisper that barely escaped my throat as I choked on the tears I refused to let fall. It would be too selfish, to cry for myself not to grieve for their loss. I wanted nothing more than to be free to live, truly live as only these humans seem to but here I was, still trapped in this human façade. I lowered my eyes and released Orihime, shifting away from her, to face the vast room permeated with death.
“Nel…” A slender hand gripped my shoulder and my eyes slid closed. That simple gesture was full of so many things I had never felt before. My skin seemed to heat under her hand, her warmth radiated out from that point until I could not suppress the faint shiver that ran through me. “I’m sorry…” her voice was so quiet I would not have known she had spoken if she weren’t so very close to me. It seemed strange that something spoken so softly could hold so much emotion. Her power allowed her to heal any wounds her friends endured and yet here she was unable to help me… a creature not worthy of her friendship, let alone her help.
“What could you possibly be apologizing for?” I asked with a quiet, bitter laugh. She squeezed my shoulder again and I lifted my gaze to her face. Confusion and hurt shone out of her pale grey eyes.
“You tell me not to grieve from them and yet…” Her soft voice trailed away and I was surprised to feel the delicate brush of her fingertips over my cheek, tracing the lines of tears on my face. I felt a fresh wave of sorrow descend upon me at her gentle touch, a kind gesture I had never felt before. That soft touch became firm when I tried to turn from her. Though she held me to face her I did not meet her eyes. I was unused and undeserving of this kind of attention. Part of me wanted to bask in the light that was Orihime Inoue but that small part was trampled by the fear and doubt clawing at my mind. I had spent so very many years practicing indifference that I now doubted I had ever known how to care. It was safer to care for nothing and no one. After all it was caring that had left me incapacitated for the last few months.
Unbidden my eyes sought out Pesshe’s crumpled form amongst the ruins of life. It had been my choice to let them go, let them move on. Their masks were once again broken. I know what kind of pain that causes the soul. I would not be responsible for forcing them to endure that a second time, not at my behalf. Besides there were so many others that needed Orihime’s help I would not add to her burden.
The grip on my chin tightened and a soft sighed escaped her when I still refused to meet her piercing gaze. It was a sound of resignation that nearly caused me to breathe my own sigh of relief. Her hand relinquished my chin, instead sliding into the curling mass of my hair to cradle my head. Her intent, I’m sure, had been to pull me to lean against her shoulder. However, I chose that moment to finally lift not only my gaze but also my face to her, just as she pulled me forward.
Grey eyes widened, a soft squeak of surprise left her as our lips met briefly. I inhaled sharply, my own wide eyes meeting hers. Both of us too stunned to do anything more than stare at one another for the space of mere heartbeats, all seeming to stretch endlessly as emotions danced through her eyes. I knew my own reflected the same. Both of us weighing the pros, the cons, our own desires versus the comforts we could offer one another. Her eyes softened and the tension seemed to leave her body in a rush. She leaned forward ever so slightly, increasing the pressure of her soft full lips against my own. Her reiatsu flared against me, warm and gentle, comforting and soothing to my own battered form.
With her acquiescence to this unexpected opportunity any doubts or worries I had fled, leaving me empty. Her blanketing comfort drowned out the sharp pain I felt at the events of the last few hours leaving me feeling numb except where her lips touched mine. There was scalding, passionate life seeping into me through her. As if I could retain even a small part of her vitality, humanity, through her kiss alone. That thought left me desperate for more of her. I ignored my body’s protestations, surging up against her. I rose to my knees, my lips never leaving hers, my hands threading into the silken chestnut waves of her hair to hold her against me.
As I rose the ground beneath me seemed to shift. The moan that left me was only partially due to the heat of her mouth as her tongue tentatively lapped at my lips. Suddenly my mouth was awash with the gentle sweetness that was Orihime. Her tongue sliding against my own, stealing what little strength I had left with an unexpectedly fierce kiss. Her hands twisted in my hair, her tongue delved deep and I fell beneath the onslaught.
I my hand slowly fell from her hair, the effort of keeping my arm raised too much for my abused muscles. I relaxed against her, untill she was nearly cradling me in her lap and still the kiss wore on, neither of us willing to relinquish our tenuous anchor to salvation. A faint groan of frustration left me as the ever-pressing need for oxygen made stars dance across the backs of my eyelids. With a finally resigned moan she broke the kiss. My eyes fluttered for brief seconds on the swirl of chestnut hair and warm grey eyes above me. As the darkness slid over me I felt a faint smile tug at the corner of my mouth.
I may not be human but through all the carnage I had retained my humanity, and that was all that mattered.