Funny
A funny email I got a week ago, thought I'd share it since it made me laugh when I really needed a pick-me-up.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with his experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit;
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money,
if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "If an emergency, notify:"
I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real,
but they have some good ideas!
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go.
Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
When tempted to fight fire with fire,
remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.
Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.