New Fic: "Once More" Reboot Star Trek Universe (Sp/Mc) Pt3
Part three of "Once More"
No one other than Spock and //his own!// McCoy knew what happened after that failed Pon Farr with T’Pring and the fight with Kirk. Jim had accepted the explanation, even with Spock’s odd emotional behavior of grabbing the captain and showing his delight that he still lived. Instead, Jim had waved it off and ordered Spock to take some time off alone in his quarters for rest while they hurried off on their next mission. McCoy, never one to leave well enough alone, and thank goodness he hadn’t…had followed Spock to his cabin shortly after.
Spock had been dismayed to find the burning had returned just as swiftly as it had fled on the planet - he was now in the midst of a terrible dilemma - he had already put his captain and the ship’s duty in danger to get to Vulcan for the bonding with T’Pring, now there was no bondmate waiting there and he still was experiencing Pon Farr even while the Captain and doctor thought he was fine. What was he to do? There was nothing - no chance of returning to Vulcan - he had no one to turn to. The grief swept over him and all logical thought fled him, tears ran down his cheeks and he fell to his knees to the floor. He was going to die, but he did not regret that - it was the sacrifices his friends had made for him - all for naught - and to end his life so early in his career - before he had made any difference or had proven himself to his father...the last bit of vanity would normally have horrified him, but he was in the throws of Pon Farr and he felt every emotion acutely.
There was a chime at the door. He ignored it. Another one, then an insistent knock, a rare occurrence on the Enterprise.
“Go away! I wish to meditate. Seek appointment later!” he knew whomever was on the other side of the door would be startled by this response, but it wouldn’t matter - he’d perhaps stretched the truth, there would be no later appointment.
“Emergency Medical Override McCoy Alpha 1004.”
Spock was on his knees still, rocking, his hands clasped together, but covering his face. He had not heard the voice in the rushing of blood filling his ears and his pulse throbbing, but some primal part of him recognized that there was someone in the room. He tried to ignore the violent urges suddenly assaulting his thin control.
“Get out!” he shouted, barely able to keep himself from attacking the intruder.
“Like hell! Emergency Lock, Authorization McCoy 1004. Spock, you fool, why did you leave sickbay and tell me you no longer felt the Pon Farr?!”
Spock looked up to angry blue eyes, starting down at him, yet beneath the anger he saw…something else - compassion? It would take a great deal to get rid of McCoy short of violence, he struggled to regain control of his voice and his composure, his face was still wet with tears, though, and betrayed any hope of convincing McCoy. “I did not feel the burning at the time. I thought, as you did, I had been spared the need to mate. I cannot stop this now. There is no solution. Leave my quarters now while I still have some control over my actions.”
McCoy didn’t budge, and Spock, quite frankly wasn’t surprised in the slightest. “I had a message from T’Pau just now, Spock. She knows of my subterfuge and will clear things up with the council and Starfleet. But she also warned me that this might not be over. She told me-”
Spock would listen no more - everyone - everyone on Vulcan and in Starfleet would know of his shame! He growled and surged to his feet, grabbing McCoy by his shirt front in two fists. “How dare you discuss my private matters with others!”
McCoy shouted over him, “It was T’Pau that contacted ME, Spock - you aren’t listening! And no one will know - unless you continue to shout and a crewmember outside hears.” He lowered his voice then, “There is no need to be ashamed - this is not in your control, it is a medical condition, a biological imperative…I am your doctor…I will not allow anyone else to know of this. But you must be treated now.”
The words seemed to sink in and Spock, reluctantly let go of McCoy, who smoothed down his hopelessly rumpled blue shirt. Spock retreated to the other side of the room and chuckled mirthlessly, “Treatment…there is no treatment, doctor. You seem to think a hypo of one of your potions will help this time. There is no treating this.”
“There is,” McCoy said softly, “and you know it. I’ve cleared three days with Jim. Seems the atmosphere and gravity of Vulcan has gotten to me as well.”
Spock raised both eyebrows at that and then immediately his face clouded over in a rather frightening change. “I do not wish to be pitied - I will NOT be manipulated in this way - and this is NOT your duty as my doctor - get OUT!”
McCoy crossed his arms and raised a lazy eyebrow of his own. “Oh, pity is it? Medical duty? I’ll accept a little of the manipulation charge because I didn’t exactly ask your thoughts on the matter and you don’t have a choice. I’m not here as your doctor. I’m here as your friend. And I’m here because I damn well won’t let you die. I’m not averse to a bit of ‘bonding’ at the moment. It’s been a long time for me, too.”
Spock stalked dangerously back to McCoy, Leonard nearly lost his nerve and stepped back, but didn’t, he steeled himself - he’d already set himself on this course and he wouldn’t back down now. He was no coward.
Spock’s breath could be felt on his cheek as the Vulcan spoke in a low pitched, angry voice, “This is no moment for jocularity, doctor, this is no mere ‘roll in the hay’ as you would put it. The bonding is not a simple exchange of body fluids, it is called a bond for a reason, it does not end in a one-night stand. And there would be a melding of minds, something you have shown little taste for - it is intimate and it carries danger to those species less strong than Vulcans. Even if I were inclined to bond with you - it would be too dangerous.” And yet Spock remained so close McCoy could see the Vulcan’s pulse had quickened. Hell, McCoy’s heart was hammering in his ribcage and he knew Spock could here that crystal clear.
“You think I didn’t research this? I know what it is I’m getting into, well, perhaps not exactly, but enough to know I can certainly withstand this - what of your own mother - a weakling human female, isn’t she? What makes you think I can’t handle this? I am willing to bond with you. T’Pau explained to me how to do so, though you’ll be taking the lead as far as the mental requirements go.”
Spock’s eyes widened, “T’Pau expects me to bond with you?!”
“Shh, Spock, the walls are too thin for my liking unless you’ve got your sound proofing up.” McCoy grinned at that, but then turned back into serious doctor mode again, “YES, I told you she contacted me. I listened, unlike some people in this room, and I asked her all the questions I could think of on if this was possible. She gave us her blessing. That good enough for you?”
Spock couldn’t believe it; T’Pau had blessed a bond between Spock and McCoy - and through subspace channels. It was like a terrible dream. His father would hear of this, his mother would know…apparently they likely knew already - everyone was arranging a new match for Spock without his consent. AGAIN.
McCoy might not be able to read his mind, but he seemed to be able to decipher Spock’s thoughts just fine. “Look, perhaps I handled this badly, but being blunt is the only way I know how to get through to you - I wish to bond with you - will you accept me?”
Those words alone sent the blood lust flaring again. Whatever Spock’s mind thought - his body knew one thing - it wanted McCoy - and it wanted him now. Surely this wouldn’t occur if Spock’s own mind wasn’t in some way compatible with it. Time was running out. He could hold off no longer or he would give McCoy one last out and show him what exactly the human was recklessly offering.
Spock reached up, his hands placing themselves on the points for a meld. He felt the doctor flinch slightly, but Spock had no intention of hiding the violence of the Pon Farr beyond keeping the meld as light as he could so it could still be broken when McCoy panicked and changed his mind and Spock had no doubt he would.
The meld was quickly established, the doctor was stunned by the onslaught of desire, lust, pain, loneliness, NEED. Spock tore his fingers away and stepped back with difficulty. McCoy panted and then looked Spock right back in the eye.
“Was that a challenge? You expect me to back down? I’m ready - don’t stop this time,” he moved forward and pulled Spock to him utilizing his own cultural way of expressing passion - a long deep kiss. Spock had experienced kissing briefly in the Academy. He had not understood the act’s attraction and had never thought it worth experimenting with the incident again. Apparently he was wrong, though he felt the soft lips turning harder with passion and the warm wet tongue exploring his mouth physically, mentally he was feeling the kiss on another level all together. He had never for a moment suspected McCoy - Leonard - had such an interest in him as a sexual being. He, who had noticed countless ‘crushes’ amongst the crew and even a small amount of attraction from Kirk, had never believed the doctor felt anything, but interest in his physical and mental health and of camaraderie shared amongst the bridge crew. Now with physical contact and McCoy’s mind open to his he felt a great deal more emotion hiding within all those hours of bickering and - ”
“Spock?” McCoy broke the kiss suddenly. Spock stood dazed, trying to wrap his mind around the new revelations. But still - to bond? McCoy obviously didn’t truly understand the consequences, what he felt was sexual attraction and affection, but…
“Yes, doctor?” his voice was hoarse.
“Quit thinking so much and get undressed.”
And with that he succumbed to the burning and dragged McCoy down with him, his fingers on McCoy’s face, his body rubbing against Leonard’s, their clothes long discarded on the floor.
The burning left little time for preparation, but Spock did his best not to hurt Leonard and the doctor had come prepared with lubricants and other items Spock had no immediate interest in. They joined together as one, body and mind - and the grief, the sadness the loneliness - all met with similar feelings with McCoy and bound together they melted away leaving peace and happiness in their wake.
The burning and the joining seemed to go on forever, but in reality it was only two point seven days before Spock felt the effects completely out of his system and he lay spent on the bed, awaiting his turn in the sonic shower.
McCoy came out, fully dressed for the first time in those two days and gestured for Spock to clean up, too. “But be careful, I need to heal some of those abrasions after you’ve cleansed them.”
Spock stopped before him just outside the bathroom facilities. “And I can heal that black eye for you.” He kissed gently at the edge of the wound, his fingers tracing Leonard’s face affectionately for what might be the last time. He registered the surprise, both at the touch and the knowledge of the black eye. Neither remembered when it occurred and apparently the doctor didn’t feel it.
There were no mirrors in Spock’s quarters as far as McCoy could see. He must look like he’d been through a brawl. Or a rather interesting shore leave on a pleasure planet, he thought, chuckling. Spock’s fingers were still touching his face.
//Do you go to such pleasure planets on your leaves often enough for this to occur in the past?// he asked telepathically. There was more than a hint of jealousy tinging Spock’s thoughts.
McCoy just grinned and took Spock’s hands down from his face and kissed him softly on the lips. “No…just a random thought, Spock. We humans have dirty minds and since the crew doesn’t know where we are exactly - certainly not on the ship in your quarters together I was just thinking what Scotty might think - he’s the one with a somewhat more perverted sense of fun sometimes. I’ve patched him up for split lips, black eyes, alcohol poisoning, you name it, and a few other things that would be breaking patient/doctor confidentiality. Suffice to say pleasure planets aren’t the cleanest of places. All crewmen that go down to those tend to end up in my sickbay at some point or another. Now go clean up so we can both make ourselves presentable.”
Spock let go of his hands reluctantly. After their healing of wounds things would be back to business. The Pon Farr was over and the blood lust stilled. McCoy had enjoyed most of their time together, Spock had done his best to make sure of it in his more lucid moments, but now…now McCoy seemed to think nothing more of the bonding and no need to deepen it.
He had sensed this in the doctor’s mind. McCoy would not mind a physical relationship and one based on human terms of affection. Not enough to satisfy Spock’s need for a permanent bondmate and he would not force such a choice on the other man. He must constantly remind himself that Leonard was human and had no real concept of what a bondmate was or could be…and he wasn’t ready for such a relationship. Spock had felt the intense hurt and grief that McCoy’s ex-wife had left him with - he had no real desire or even capacity for it at this time. Spock turned on the sonic shower and was simply grateful that he no longer need worry about losing control. Their relationship could go back to friendship and he would always be grateful to the doctor for saving his life. If McCoy wanted a physical relationship, well, Spock would simply have to explain how it would not work out logically working in such close quarters on the Enterprise. He knew the doctor would understand even if he might be slightly disappointed.
*****
Spock opened his eyes and thought how foolish he had been. To think he would not hurt McCoy’s feelings on breaking the news that they would return to being colleagues and friends only. He knew Leonard did not want the full bonding that Vulcans required, but the fact that it could not continue in some human fashion had hurt him emotionally.
It had taken some time - a few tense situations when they were alone on a mission or in a turbolift, but eventually McCoy had seemed to accept the situation and they had returned to their own version of friendship, bickering and arguing and Spock secretly enjoying their arguments when alone to rehash them.
Jim just knew enough to stay out of the way at first and when things had returned to normal he’d seemed very much relieved. Spock certainly was - he could put the Pon Farr behind him and not think of it again. Until the next time it would occur and he would of course have to make new arrangements on Vulcan when his time came again. He would not ask it of McCoy, nor would they likely be serving together again, he had thought at the time. The Enterprise had been scheduled for a five-year mission. Never had he thought he and the doctor would be on the same ship when it occurred again. No, he had been sure there would never be a need to worry about such feelings stirred up by the Pon Farr again.
The Old Spock smiled slightly at his younger self. How he had actually thought he could somehow ignore his feelings for Leonard H. McCoy was beyond all logic. Even here and now as an old man in an alternate reality he could not fail to summon the man to see him once more. Of course it was both uplifting and painful to see him. This McCoy was younger than the one he had first met aboard the Enterprise. Jim had pulled a few strings to get him on board the Enterprise after Dr. Piper retired. McCoy and Jim had been friends from the Academy and instantly picked up their friendship once more. Spock had at first seen no difference in one human doctor than another until their first 'encounter' or as it later became known as - their first bickering over logic and emotion. Never before had he met a human so irritatingly focused on arguing with Spock and insisting that emotions were just important if not more so than logic. Everything Spock and the teachings of Surak denied. He had found the arguments annoying at first, then potentially dangerous to Starfleet's missions and the smooth functioning of the ship. It was, as he had confided to McCoy, their mutual respect for Kirk that had bound them together as a unit - then later, he found a growing respect for McCoy's skills and even his compassion. It led him to risk his life many times, but always without fear for himself - only for his friends and his patients or for others in need. Spock found himself comparing McCoy to his mother's gentleness, her kindness and understanding. They were not qualities, as Spock had discovered during his time at the Academy or aboard Starfleet ships, found in all humans. Many were selfish, or egotistical, bigoted, qualities Vulcans liked to think they were above, but Spock's own childhood had taught him differently.
Uhura and many of the bridge crew had these kinder qualities in varying degrees, but in McCoy they seemed almost magnified. And there was something else he sensed in the human - a small amount of empathic edibility - nothing touching the kind of abilities found in Vulcans or other telepathic or empathic races, but there had been instances in humans he had come across in his travels, and McCoy had some talent in that ability. Whether it was nature or nurture - was he always destined to be a healer or was his training as a healer that which caused him to empathize so much - sometimes too much with others? It was a question he never fully answered even in all the years they had together later. But that empathic ability...and the feelings McCoy stirred in him, even outside of Pon Farr had troubled Spock after the first occurrence. It had only led them to trouble time and time again during their five-year mission - and beyond that...
The Older Spock shook his head, he was dwelling on the past too much - he had made his choice. He had done what he'd meant to do and now he had to prepare to leave. Now, before the younger alternate McCoy overcame his shock and came back to confront him again - before his father could interfere. The Starfleet shuttle that had delivered the medical supplies would be empty of supplies and hopefully of crewmen for the time being. He knew the Ensign that had brought McCoy here was grounded for the time being due to the doctor's influence. Now he need only to 'borrow' it. He regretted the theft and that there was no way to return it, but a lifetime serving Starfleet surely entitled him to one selfish act.
Spock glanced around the room and thought how useless it would be to take any of his meager possessions. He did leave a note to his father explaining the logic of his actions and wishing him to live long and prosper and hoped his father would have future progeny to carry on his line and as an afterthought he did the same for T'Pual out of politeness. He wanted his father to know there was no ill feeling, at least with one version of his son. He then turned to the clothes he'd been wearing when he'd gone through the black hole, the last remnants of that alternate universe. Yes, those would go with him - it was fitting they leave the universe with him. With nothing left to do, he departed his home on New Vulcan for the last time. He must act quickly before the Pon Farr made his mental faculties fail him. He hurried towards the shuttle with only one last glance at the colony he had helped found. He had some small sense in pride that he had at least done that much for his people - they would carry on without him now and hopefully...//hopefully they would not blame him for the fact that the whole travesty was his fault...//
Grief overwhelmed him and he felt his shields slipping. //Hurry!//, he thought with growing desperation. He made it to the shuttlecraft undetected and slipped into the pilot's seat, quickly closing all doors and lifting the craft into the air and out of the atmosphere. There, his course was set. It would take some time to plot the course to the star he had chosen, but he had the shuttle on autopilot and he locked out his voice commands as a precautionary gesture. He would not let the Pon Farr cloud his mind and make him alter course or his destiny. He sat back and watched the viewscreen silently. He felt a tear slide down his face and decided there really was no reason to wipe it away or hide his emotions anymore.
"So where are we heading, Spock?" came a quiet voice from the back of the shuttle. Spock whirled around and stared in uncontrolled horror. The younger McCoy stood near the rear of the shuttle, his hands crossed casually across his chest.
****
To Be Continued, of course...
Wrote right throught the night and it is six in the morning now. Ugh.