Title: Your voice makes me relaxed.
Pairing: Jonghyun/Key
Genre: angst, attempted humor
Rating: pg-13 (I guess, I'm not good with ratings)
Disclaimer: Slavery is not allowed anymore if you didn't know. I do not own the boys.
Warning: Bad English :D, failed humor
Summary: Kibum falls in love. But will the guy ever get it? Jonghyun's being dense.
A/N: Written for my best friend. She's been really stressed out recently so I promised to write her a fic to cheer her up. I worked hard on it so I hope it's for everyone's liking ~
Cheer up Geisha, I love you <3
Being in a pop-group was no easy task. Not even someone like Kibum could handle all the pressure of being a star. People might say that they had an easy life, that working with entertainment, dancing and singing could not be considered being a proper job. That the idols got everything served on a silver plate. But anyone working within that field knew... that working in this business was no picnic. You didn't become a star after a few hours of work. Your work was never accomplished if your fans lost faith in you. Kibum was determined to always work hard, for his fans, for his family, for SHINee, for Jonghyun.
Kibum was always advised by his hyungs to take proper care of himself, like: Eat properly, remember to relax every now and then etc, etc. Especially sleeping his hyungs thought was particularly important. Key always had a lot of respect for his hyungs so he tried to follow their advices, though he was very confused by the advice he got from one of his Super Junior-hyungs: “Find something that makes you relaxed, it makes it easier for you to sleep.”
The problem was, Kibum didn't have anything that made him feel relaxed. He never had time to feel relaxed. Hell, he barely had time to breath properly without a camera in his face. Sometimes he really regretted becoming a pop-star. Though, there were times he really loved it too.
He cherished all the moments he spent with the other members of SHINee, especially if they had won a award, those times when recording for t-shows like Hi Baby where he could just let go and be himself. He loved dance practice because he loved to see the smile on Taemin's face while he danced. He loved those awkward moments when Jinki tried to make a joke; he loved the few glimpses he got of Minho's infamous flaming charisma when they were offstage. He loved it when they recorded new songs, when they were preforming or singing in general, because he loved to listen Jonghyun's voice. It was probably the only thing in the world that he loved more than his family. He loved it even more than his job, or more precisely: Jonghyun's voice was the reason he loved this job so much. Of course he loved all of his members, but Jonghyun, Jonghyun had a special place in his heart.
Ever since they met he'd felt that he had a certain bond to the singer that he didn't have to the other members. It was as if something clicked between them the moment they met. They got along very well together, Jonghyun was his most beloved hyung, and he always turned to him for advice. Of course they fought sometimes but they always made up afterwards, Kibum knew you could get very far by flattering Jjong. The man was not vain... but he had a certain weakness when it come to flattery, and despite the fact that Kibum was the most nagging member of the group, he knew exactly how to put a smile in the singer's face. Yes, he knew him that well it almost scared himself.
When it was first decided that he would debut with SHINee his friend said that it was the end of the tiny part of Kibum that was still straight. Kibum had just laughed and told them that he would still only look at girls, even when he was debuting as Key.
Though... now he wasn't that sure of it anymore. Being famous meant living in a very isolated world. He barely met any girls that he could possibly date without creating a scandal. He was with his other band members almost 24/7 and if they weren't around he would text them or call them. Especially Jonghyun, if he wasn't around he felt strange and lonely, it was like he had a piece of his body missing, like an arm or a leg. He didn't even know when or why he became so attached to Jonghyun. Maybe it was his voice... or his smile... or his ability to sweep anyone of their feet... or the fact that he was just perfect. He wasn't sure of himself anymore.
A few months after his first doubts about his sexual orientation he started to feel really weird. It was just a tiny tingly feeling at first that he could feel in his chest whenever Jonghyun was close enough. But after a few months it grew worse. He could feel his heart beating wildly and the butterfly's fluttering in his stomach. It... was... hell... He didn't know how to act normal in front of his friend anymore. It was so hard when Jonghyun was smiling like that. He wanted to throw himself into his arms and kiss the living daylights out of him, literally. It scared him. What scared him even more was the thought of being found out by the other members.... especially Jonghyun. Because even though they acted really close on camera and probably was one of the “couples” that killed their fans with their public displays of affection, Jonghyun was still straight. Something that Kibum had to repeat in his mind like a mantra as soon as Jonghyun touched him even the tiniest bit, be it holding hands or a hug, his heart couldn't take it anymore soon. Everywhere he turned it was Jonghyun, only Jonghyun. Slowly, he was going mad. He started to avoid him a little bit just to ease his own heartache. He acted as if it was fine when they were on schedule, but he carefully avoided being alone with the singer and he tried not to look him in the eyes or talk with him too much off-camera. He even avoided him at home in their own dorm. He knew he probably hurt his friend, but as long as Kibum's heart was going berserk while he was close by, the diva had to avoid him as much as possible.
It didn't surprise him that Taemin was the first one to approach him about it. If anyone was closer to Jonghyun than Kibum it would be the maknae. The dancer talked to Jonghyun about everything... they were almost like siblings. Apparently Jonghyun had been going to Taemin, whining about how “Key's so distant, do you think I did something wrong? Does he hate me? Because he's not ignoring the rest of you...only me...”
So now Kibum had the dancer lying comfortably on his bed, head propped onto both his hands, glaring at his hyung.
“Hyung.... stop being in denial. I know. You can't hide such things from me, I'm the maknae.”
Kibum silently cursed his bad luck for having such a observant maknae. Taemin was just too cruel sometimes. He may look cute and innocent, but that boy knew exactly how to get what he wanted. And now he wanted him to admit that he had a crush on Jonghyun. Kibum refused... he knew that if he admitted it... it was going to cause a lot more problem than he wanted. But Taemin knew that he had an advantage, both of them were aware of that. Kibum knew he should be immune to Taemin's aegyo by now, but the boy still knew how to get Kibum to do whatever he wanted. That maknae was pure evil.
“Hyu~ng.”
Kibum decided he would give up before Taemin managed to get him to spill out even more embarrassing secrets than about his crush on Jonghyun.
“Fine. I do have a crush on him.”
Taemin squealed in delight at his confession. Kibum couldn't help but think that Taemin was adorable when he laughed despite the fact that he was currently mad at the boy.
“Hyung! That's awesome! Go tell him right away~!”
“No.”
“But... why?” Taemin pouted.
“I refuse. I can't tell him something like that. He'd reject me, start to hate me and I would have to quit SHINee. No...telling him is out of the question!”
“But hyuuuuung...”
“I won't change my mind.”
Taemin pouted again. He didn't like this at all.
“But hyung... when you set aside your good personality as they state it, Jonghyun loves you because you're honest... If you don't tell him... it's gonna cause you troubles...”
Kibum sighed.
“Don't tell him, whatever you do. DO. NOT. TELL. HIM. I'll just get over it... the feelings will disappear when I realizes it's hopeless.”
Taemin wanted to scream at him that it was not hopeless, but he decided against it. Sometimes... his hyung's was so stupid it gave him headaches. He shook his head at his hyung and sighed.
“Fine. I won't tell. You're secret is safe with me.”
“It better be.”
Of course his secret was safe with Taemin. For about a week. Kibum knew he was taking a risk when he told Taemin, but now the whole fucking world knew about it. Oh well... not the whole world, but all the other members suddenly knew. It was the work of the Maknae himself.
And so it happened one afternoon that Jonghyun plopped himself down on the floor beside his friend and handed him a bottle of water. They were still at practice and they were gonna stay there the rest of the night, their choreographer though that they still had a lot to work on so she wanted them to stay longer. “Your comeback it's not that far off in the future! You have to work harder!”
Kibum thanked Jonghyun with a smile, carefully avoided to meet his gaze.
“Uhm... Key...”
“Mm?”
“Do you have a crush on someone?”
“Excuse me?”
Jonghyun looked slightly flustered by Kibum's response and he seemed to be hesitant for a while before answering his friend.
“Taeminnie said that... you have a crush on someone.... is it true?”
“I'm gonna skin that boy for telling you.”
“Haha... Kibum... don't be mad... I forced him into tell me. I wanted to know what was bothering you, since you're so quiet nowadays. So I asked Taemin-ah to talk to you since you've been practically ignoring me for the past 2 weeks.”
Kibum sighed. Jonghyun had been worried... of course he had been worried, Kibum was his friend.
“You're a good hyung to me Jjong.” Kibum spoke softly and raised a hand to caress his hair. It was darker now, Kibum had preferred the lighter style his hair had around the Ring Ding Dong promotions, but he still loved his hair now. It was soft. Jonghyun had always been that. Soft.
“If something’s bothering you... please come talk to me. I've been really worried about you. I thought that maybe you were mad at me. I even tried to talk to you yesterday, but you didn't even look at me.”
Oh... Kibum had been looking at him yesterday. Jonghyun was just adorable when he was frustrated.
“Who is it anyway?”
“Huh?”
“The one you're in love with... who is it?”
Kibum blushed. He couldn't tell him that. Or... maybe... He did ask after all. Maybe he should just be honest with his hyung, Jonghyun was always honest with him.
“It's you.”
“Quit the jokes Kibummie.... who is it?”
Kibum almost choked on his own breath. He forced his tears back, trying not to show him that he was hurt. He'd told him the truth. It was him! It had always been him and it would always be him.
“I won't tell.” Kibum said, trying to smile at the singer.
“Come on! We're best friends! Best friends tell each other these kinds of stuff.”
“I told you... I won't tell.”
“Please! Did you tell Taemin?”
“Yes... well, he kinda figured it out by himself.”
“So it's someone I know?!”
“Definitely.” Kibum said and stared at his own hands that held onto the bottle of water that Jonghyun had given him. He sighed. He'd been honest. He'd practically just confessed to his love only to be rejected. He didn't even take his feelings seriously. It hurt. It hurt so much.
“K-Kibum... are you crying?”
Of course I am, I was just rejected.
“K-Kibum... ah... don't cry... I don't like to see you cry.” Jonghyun's voice was panicked as he wrapped his arms around the other guy. Kibum just couldn't hold back his tears anymore and cried his heart out in the arms of the man he loved, the man who just rejected him. Oh the irony of the situation. He couldn't even act like he was alright like he used to. Before he could've just brushed it off and pretend that he was not hurt, but right now it was hard. It was really hard.
“What are you doing?”
“Ah... Minho-yah...”
“Why is Key crying?”
“I don't know... I just...”
Minho sighed and pushed Jonghyun off from Kibum and dragged the other man to his feet.
“Come with me hyung...”
Kibum obeyed, he didn't feel like he could throw a bitch-fit right now for being dragged off somewhere he didn't know. Minho opened a door and took Kibum inside and then he locked the door. They were inside a bathroom and Kibum smiled weakly. He and Minho wasn't that close, the quiet man and Kibum didn't have that much in common, but he knew he could trust him and that Minho only wanted him to feel better.
“Don't cry Kibummie. Jonghyun is gonna be hysteric.”
Kibum only laughed.
“Well... he caused this.”
“I guess it must be hard... to be rejected like that...”
“You have no idea.” Kibum said and started to wash his face.
“I'll go back... Just come back when you feel comfortable to do so.”
“Thank you Minho.”
Minho just smiled. He knew this must be awkward for his friend, but he didn’t care. Minho didn’t judge him. He just smiled and tried to comfort him in his own way.
When Kibum came back from his trip to the restroom Minho and Jonghyun acted as if nothing had happened, like Kibum hadn’t broke down at all, that they didn’t see him cry his heart out. Somehow, Kibum thought it was for the best. It was better if no one asked him questions.
But of course someone would ask and Kibum knew that it would be Taemin. If Taemin hadn’t figured out that Kibum had a huge crush on Jonghyun, none of this would’ve happened. He wouldn’t have “confessed” to the singer and he wouldn’t be hurt by his unconscious rejection. So of course the maknae would once again ask him questions.
“What happened?”
“What happened when?”
“Minho-hyung told me you cried… that Jonghyun rejected you.”
“Oh… yes he did reject me, but I think he didn’t even figure that out… I should’ve known he wasn’t that smart…”
“What did you tell him?”
“Oh… he asked me who I had a crush on… and since he always liked me because I’m honest, I told him the truth…”
Taemin’s mouth formed a silent o as he looked at Kibum for a long moment.
“He told me to stop lying…He didn’t even consider it being the truth, he didn’t even believe me when I was honest with him. Taemin… this is never going to end well.”
Kibum stared at his hands in his lap. He felt so hopeless. The phrase “Quit the jokes Kibummie.... who is it?” kept repeating itself in his head. It was really useless. He stared at the maknae with teary eyes. Taemin chewed at his bottom lip nervously.
“No! Hyung! We’ll fix this alright? I’ll make him look at you and only at you ok?”
Kibum sighed.
“What use is there to try? He is straight Taemin. He won’t look at me even if I dress up as a girl…” Kibum protested and rose from his comfortable place on the bed. He felt miserable. He sighed and decided that he really needed to get out of there for now. Jonghyun was not in the apartment, thank god! He was out with one of his many nameless “girlfriends” that proved to Kibum even more that it was too hopeless to even try, though this time... Jonghyun actually seemed to be serious about the girl he dated, because he was constantly on the phone with her. Which was unusual, Jonghyun was never desperate for anyone like he was for this girl. He had to get out of there, if just for a few hours, he couldn’t stay there right now when all he would think of was Jonghyun. He didn't want to see him coming back from his date with that geeky smile plastered on his face. Kibum felt an strong urge to hit something.
“I’m going out, I need to buy some juice.”
“At this hour? Kibum, it’s really late.” Taemin actually seemed to be genuinely concerned about him while Kibum put his shoes on and pulled on a jacket. He had to get out; he had to get out now. He was so determined to get out as fast as possible that he didn’t even watch his steps as he fled down the stairs, didn’t even bother with the elevator. Of course he ended up falling. Of course he ended up hurting himself.
-------------------------------
To: Dinosaur-Jjong
From: Taemin
You better come here now.
-------------------------------
To: Maknae
From: Jonghyun
What? Now? Why?
Did something happen?
-------------------------------
To: Dinosaur-Jjong
From: Taemin
Key fell down the stairs.
We’re at the hospital, you better come here.
NOW.
-------------------------------
To: Maknae
From: Jonghyun
I’ll be there in five.
-------------------------------
To: Taeminnie
From: Minho
Why did hyung just text me, making it sound like Key is dying?
What did you do, maknae?
-------------------------------
To: Flaming Charisma
From: Taemin
I did nothing.
Don't worry hyung <3
Key-hyung is fine ~
-------------------------------
To: Taeminnie
From: Minho
I don't believe you.
------------------------------
Taemin ignored the text and turned to Key that was laying on a hospital bed on his left.
“Hyung is gonna get here soon~”
“Oh ok, you didn't have to contact them, we'll get back soon anyway~” Kibum said as he leaned back comfortably in his hospital bed. He was just starting to feel relaxed again. Their manager had disappeared to go look if they could bring Kibum home tonight. He had just a sprained ankle, nothing serious. He did hit his head, but he was not seriously injured. Though his head hurt like a bitch.
“Wait. Which hyung are we talking about?”
Taemin just gave him a smile.
“You must rest now hyung~ Are your ankle still hurting?”
“Yes it is... Who did you call here?”
“Oh...”
“KEY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? ARE YOU DYING?”
Kibum felt the urge to facepalm as Jonghyun barged into the room, looking all panicked.
“No, I'm not dying. I'm alright. Calm down hyung...” Kibum said as he turned to glare at Taemin who just smiled and winked before he left the room. Kibum turned to Jonghyun again who looked like he had ran all the way there. He sighed.
“Did you seriously run all the way here?”
“Yes... I thought you were seriously injured, oh thank god you're alright! I was worried all the way here. What if you were seriously hurt? How did you manage to hurt yourself?”
“Oh... I ran down the stairs.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to buy juice.”
“Yah! You could've just called me, I was on the way back so I could've just bought it for you... aish...”
“I didn't want you to buy juice for me, I wanted to buy it myself, I'm a grown man.”
Jonghyun and Kibum continued to nag on each other and when Taemin came back with the manager Jonghyun was still fussing over Kibum's injuries. The maknae couldn't help but smile as he saw Kibum laughing at how stupid Jonghyun were. He'd been hurt this morning and now he was smiling again, he was amazing. But he was still worried about him. How much heartbreak would he be able to take before Jonghyun broke him for real? Who knew when Jonghyun would go official with his girlfriend... who knew... how Kibum was going to react to that. Taemin's face still showed a expression of deep worry even after they've had come home and carefully had tucked Kibum into bed. Jonghyun forbid him to get up, declaring that he would practically be his slave as long as he promised to lay down and rest.
Being injured sure was very boring. Key spent his first day injured back in the dorm in front of the TV. He stuffed himself with the ice cream he stole from the fridge out of depression. He was so bored because no one was around, his phone was way to quiet for his liking and he couldn't be close to Jonghyun. Which actually was a good thing, since then he didn't have to think about his failed confession. Taemin had had a LONG talk with him yesterday at the hospital about how stupid his hyung was and that he should confess again, but do it properly this time, since Jonghyun was the densest guy on earth.
--------------------------
To: Jjongie <3
From: Kibum
I'm really bored.
--------------------------
To: Almighty Key
From: Jonghyun
Don't walk around out of boredom alright?
I'll let you borrow my DVD's.
We'll be back soon~
--------------------------
To: Jjongie <3
From: Kibum
I already watched all of them.
You only have boring movies, hyung.
--------------------------
To: Almighty Key
From: Jonghyun
I do not! They're really good!
--------------------------
To: Key-umma
From: Taemin
I heard you're bored,
wanna work out a plan on how to confess to hyung,
the PROPER WAY?
--------------------------
To: Evil-maknae
From: Kibum
No. Shut up. I'm not talking to you.
--------------------------
To: Jjongie <3
From: Kibum
SLAVE.
Make maknae stop bothering me.
--------------------------
To: Maknae
From: Jonghyun
Stop bothering Key.
--------------------------
To: Dinosaur-Jjong
From: Taemin
No, don' wanna ~ :p
-------------------------
To: Key-umma
From: Taemin
Just confess to him.
-------------------------
To: Evil-maknae
From: Kibum
What? Now?
-------------------------
To: Key-umma
From: Taemin
Yes.
-------------------------
To: Jjongie <3
From: Kibum
Jonghyun, I love you.
-------------------------
Kibum hit the “send” button before he could stop himself. God... this was so stupid. Why did he even do this to himself? Why did he even try? Oh god. Did he just send his confession to Jonghyun by text. No no no no... what did I just do?
-------------------------
To: Almighty Key
From: Jonghyun
Why this all of a sudden?
You know I love you too,
we're friends after all.
-------------------------
Why was this world so cruel? This was the second rejection from Jonghyun within 24 hours. He couldn't believe that the singer actually was this dense. He had just confessed openly, he just told him he loved him... and he got this response? This was just ridiculous.
-------------------------
To: Hyungwhore
From: Kibum
Are you guys in the car on your way back here?
-------------------------
To: Key
From: Minho
Yes, why?
------------------------
To: Hyungwhore
From: Kibum
Kick Jonghyun for me will ya?
------------------------
To: Key
From: Minho
Consider it done.
------------------------
Kibum sighed as he put his phone away, ignoring the text he got from the others. He didn't feel like talking to them anyway. He managed to get out of the couch, grab the ice cream and jump on one leg back to the bedroom where he locked himself up, buried himself under his blankets and cried. He felt like a stupid girl. Though... he'd been lucky if he was a girl... because maybe then he wouldn't be so hurt, because at least then, it wouldn't be this hopeless. At least then... maybe... Jonghyun would've seen him as more than a friend.
He could hear them as they walked through the door of the apartment, Jonghyun was still whining over the pain after Minho's kick. You deserved it... Kibum thought silently for himself and buried himself deeper under the sheets. He had no will to get up and greet them, he couldn't even walk for a start. He didn't want to see Jonghyun and he was starting to understand what his hyungs had been talking about when they told him to find something that made him relax. He was so tired and yet he couldn't sleep because Jonghyun was not in the room. When Jonghyun was not there he couldn't relax at all. He sighed and pulled out his iPod from under his pillow and out the plugs in his ears.
Kibum had always been feeling weird while listening to his own voice... but now he didn't care, he only had ears for Jonghyun's powerful vocals. Lulled into sleep by the singers voice he didn't even noticed that someone opened the door and walked into the room.
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READ PLEASE:
First (second) serious attempt to write JongKey. This fic is partly inspired by my many roleplays that gives me ideas for fanfics that will last for YEARS. I mean it.
Well.. anyway. Here it is. Hope you like it~
Though I won't post any continuations of this if I don't feel that it gets the attention it deserves. I'll just keep the continuations for my self and share with my friends :D