tagged
mary tagged me, although i didnt see it for a couple of days, so here is six things about me:
1. i am very stressed out about post graduation plans. i have no idea where i am going to go after my lease is done here. i cant move back home. jason is trying to get me to stay in chicago with him for the summer. weve talked about it a lot, but obviously im very weery about it. i want to move out of the state, but its so hard with no money, finding a job, then finding a job out of state while im here, and also doing this on top of all the stress i have right now.
2. ive been contemplating what a true friend is a lot lately. i have met so many good people throughout my life, especially here at cmu. i wish i could say that im going to keep in contact with everybody, but lets get real, im horrible at that. i know that a lot of the people i have met here will end up being like high school where after graduation i may only talk to them once in a blue moon. this past year has taught me a lot about friendship. im pretty sure that my few close friends that i wouldnt give up for the world know who they are. thank you to those people, i dont know what i would do without you. on the other hand, in the past four years i have learned what a good friend is not, and its so hard to let go of those people. i think its the saddess thing in the world when i can look at someone that used to be one of my best friend and dispise the person they have become. its so hard for me to let go of the past and i always fight letting go of it, but ive learned that sometimes people change, and theres nothing i can do about it
3. when i took a little this semester, i never thought i would be terribly sad when i had to graduate this semester. jen is amazing, and im so excited for her to become a brother its ridiculous. im a little sad that my time as an active brother is almost done, although i know that im ready for it. i think that the hardest part will be leaving jen right after she gets inducted.
4. im afraid i will end up like my step-mom when im older. i have a problem with turning saddness into anger. i go through times when ill be depressed, but instead of dealing with it myself, i displace my it as anger onto others. i think that is kind of apart of her problem. i dont want to have the effect on others like she does.
5. i want to get married and have lots of kids (preferably 4). if possible, i would love to be a stay at home mom before my kids enter to school. a friend asked me last night why i would go through all this schooling if this is my goal. first, it used to not be my goal. i never considered taking on the sterotypical woman role in the family, in fact i was very against it. obviously ive done a complete 180, im not sure what changed my mind. in my schooling i learned a lot about families and parenting, so if i did become a stay at home mom, i would not see it as a waste of my schooling, but a benefit as a mother. i still will not try to find a husband based on his income, but it would be nice to be comfortable enough to be able to raise my own children.
6. im afraid i will never find "the one". in my life i have had three boys that i can honestly say that i thought i loved. i guess its too bad that josh and jeremy completely repulse me now. i was positive that in my four years here, i could find at least one boy that i could love. hell, if i found three at home where the selection is very low, the odds of finding one here is very high. obviously that didnt happen. hopefully im luckier in the future
1. i am very stressed out about post graduation plans. i have no idea where i am going to go after my lease is done here. i cant move back home. jason is trying to get me to stay in chicago with him for the summer. weve talked about it a lot, but obviously im very weery about it. i want to move out of the state, but its so hard with no money, finding a job, then finding a job out of state while im here, and also doing this on top of all the stress i have right now.
2. ive been contemplating what a true friend is a lot lately. i have met so many good people throughout my life, especially here at cmu. i wish i could say that im going to keep in contact with everybody, but lets get real, im horrible at that. i know that a lot of the people i have met here will end up being like high school where after graduation i may only talk to them once in a blue moon. this past year has taught me a lot about friendship. im pretty sure that my few close friends that i wouldnt give up for the world know who they are. thank you to those people, i dont know what i would do without you. on the other hand, in the past four years i have learned what a good friend is not, and its so hard to let go of those people. i think its the saddess thing in the world when i can look at someone that used to be one of my best friend and dispise the person they have become. its so hard for me to let go of the past and i always fight letting go of it, but ive learned that sometimes people change, and theres nothing i can do about it
3. when i took a little this semester, i never thought i would be terribly sad when i had to graduate this semester. jen is amazing, and im so excited for her to become a brother its ridiculous. im a little sad that my time as an active brother is almost done, although i know that im ready for it. i think that the hardest part will be leaving jen right after she gets inducted.
4. im afraid i will end up like my step-mom when im older. i have a problem with turning saddness into anger. i go through times when ill be depressed, but instead of dealing with it myself, i displace my it as anger onto others. i think that is kind of apart of her problem. i dont want to have the effect on others like she does.
5. i want to get married and have lots of kids (preferably 4). if possible, i would love to be a stay at home mom before my kids enter to school. a friend asked me last night why i would go through all this schooling if this is my goal. first, it used to not be my goal. i never considered taking on the sterotypical woman role in the family, in fact i was very against it. obviously ive done a complete 180, im not sure what changed my mind. in my schooling i learned a lot about families and parenting, so if i did become a stay at home mom, i would not see it as a waste of my schooling, but a benefit as a mother. i still will not try to find a husband based on his income, but it would be nice to be comfortable enough to be able to raise my own children.
6. im afraid i will never find "the one". in my life i have had three boys that i can honestly say that i thought i loved. i guess its too bad that josh and jeremy completely repulse me now. i was positive that in my four years here, i could find at least one boy that i could love. hell, if i found three at home where the selection is very low, the odds of finding one here is very high. obviously that didnt happen. hopefully im luckier in the future