(no subject)
the man who donated his sperm to make me some of u might call him my father he thinks that i am only worth $50...i am tryin to tell myself that at least he thought enough to send me some money at all...but i can't help thinkin that he only thinks i am worth that much...the odd thing is i didn't really expect that much from him...but with his money order could have been a note or something but no...i am tired of being angry at him but when it comes to him that is the only emotion i can think of i am so use to just being angry at him that now and days i ask myself y i am so angry at him and i can't think of any new reasons just the fact that he hasn't been there for me in any way and he thinks that he can buy me when he has a lil bit of money...i'm about to be 18 and i have been holdin on to this anger for a longtime and i wanna let it go but i feel like if i do he wins...if i let it go i have no reason to be mad...if i let what he has done to me rest i'd have to trust men and i am not sure i am ready for all that...then again i don't think that i can 4give him 4 all that he has done to me...i want no more tears shed ova y i can't have a father that calls me regularly and remembers my birthday or stays off drugs...i wonder y my father chose lovin a drug ova lovin his own daughter i mean i have reasons to be angery and to cry myself to sleep and maybe i have been tellin people all these years that his actions have no effect on my life and maybe i was lyin...but really i am tired of bein angery and hurt but what can i do?? i mean the best thing he ever did for me was stay out of my life but still it hurts.