(no subject)
Hmm
I was thinking last night about the strangest things. Like how I ignor some parts of myself, like I forget to breathe, and all day long I am holding my breath. and then I think about breathing. and that I only need to take things one breath at a time. Also how things have been really hard for me lately with jake being gone and the battle with hating myself. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this but myself, because I am too oh whats the word. not proud but maybe imbarrsed to talk about it. or I feel that no one wants to hear about it. I caught my self last night talking to myself, feeling alone and panicy and decided to talk to God about it and I just felt like I was too pathetic to talk to him. I know that its wrong to think like that but its honestly how I felt. I just keep thinking selfish thoughts, like how I am more depressed about the state my body is in rather than how my husband and best friend is gone. and I then feel guilt for thinking of myself rather than him doing god knows what. I dont know lately I've just been a big loser. seriously big. lmao.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh me. I think I am done now....
I was thinking last night about the strangest things. Like how I ignor some parts of myself, like I forget to breathe, and all day long I am holding my breath. and then I think about breathing. and that I only need to take things one breath at a time. Also how things have been really hard for me lately with jake being gone and the battle with hating myself. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this but myself, because I am too oh whats the word. not proud but maybe imbarrsed to talk about it. or I feel that no one wants to hear about it. I caught my self last night talking to myself, feeling alone and panicy and decided to talk to God about it and I just felt like I was too pathetic to talk to him. I know that its wrong to think like that but its honestly how I felt. I just keep thinking selfish thoughts, like how I am more depressed about the state my body is in rather than how my husband and best friend is gone. and I then feel guilt for thinking of myself rather than him doing god knows what. I dont know lately I've just been a big loser. seriously big. lmao.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh me. I think I am done now....