quickie update on the status of my life
A few things.
Went to the beach. Layed. Slept. Tanned (sort of). Did not want to kill my parents every thirty seconds. A successful vaca. We've been going to the same beach for 8 years, since Matty was 2. He's 10. That's a long time. It feels like home.
Hung out with my drummer the night before I left [from 9pm to 5:30am]. We talked. No tv, no movie, no nothing but his company. He played me songs he wrote. Pulled an all nighter to watch the sun rise with him. Got home as my father's alarm was going off. It was more than worth it.
I actually read my drummer something I wrote. I haven't let anyone hear anything I wrote (fiction wise) since I was in 5th grade, when the horrible girls that ruined my middle school experience destroyed my poetry book.I kept it private, sealed it off. It was cathartic, and liberating to give my words a voice. I have written more this summer than I've written in years. I am finally letting go of everything that ever hurt me in the past piece by piece. It started in England and it's ending with him. This has been a summer of healing. I feel whole and happy. I feel content.
I am slightly concerned about where things are going. My life would not be my life unless I was brooding/musing/overthinking. I am happily over my rant of the last entry, although I am still a liiiitle perplexed over how this whole living arrangement is going to go down. I'm trying to relax.
School is starting. I move in a week. I am never never never never coming home, unless it's to see a certain musician or for my brother. It's time to grow up.
I heard a rumor that my douchebag ex crashed his car when he was drunk. This doesn't surprise me. I also heard that the normal repercussions for this sort of action were conspicuously missing. Again, no surprise there. How can one person be so terribly irresponsible, and be allowed to live in his own vacuous, selfish space? Irritating.
Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 8 years. It's amazing, we were friends when we were both about 4 years old. She hasn't lived anywhere near me for 18 years. She lives in Vermont. The last time I saw her was when her family briefly lived in PA for about a year and we briefly reconnected for a summer. We barely keep in touch. We don't e-mail, IM, call, write. Still, I would say that I feel close to her. I'd call her a friend without hesitation. We met for coffee, and it was like meeting up with a friend you've known forever, like we never left off, though we weren't ever steady friends beyond preschool. I see her as my parallel. We are so alike. It was good to see her and drink mutual skim lattes and chat about life. It blows my mind how there are people that the universe brings you together with, and without a doubt, for a reason. We promised to keep in touch. She will be a person that will always randomly end up in my life. I'm grateful for this strange, unique friendship. Talking with her today, I realized that it's okay to not know where your life is going. It's okay to have questions, to be confused. I'm not the only one not getting engaged, still in school, full of questions for the future. I'm not the only one on unsteady ground. I'm not the only one feeling the way I'm feeling. Of course, I knew this before in theory, but hearing my thoughts come out of her mouth sort of drove this home for me.
I've been thinking lately about the fluidity of relationships, about how people shift in and out of your life, about how people that were once vital can quickly become an afterthought, and how at any second, you can meet someone at random that can become an integral part of your life. It blows my mind how the weather can change, the tides can shift, the randomness that encompasses every day. Maybe I'm just a cheesey doofus but when I stop to think about the huge numbers of people that have shaped my life, the people that have come and gone, and the people that are important to me in this moment, it staggers me. It gives me pause. It makes me excited and nervous and confident that my life will one day fall into place. It makes me ready to move to a new city with open eyes and optimism.
Okay, the end.
Went to the beach. Layed. Slept. Tanned (sort of). Did not want to kill my parents every thirty seconds. A successful vaca. We've been going to the same beach for 8 years, since Matty was 2. He's 10. That's a long time. It feels like home.
Hung out with my drummer the night before I left [from 9pm to 5:30am]. We talked. No tv, no movie, no nothing but his company. He played me songs he wrote. Pulled an all nighter to watch the sun rise with him. Got home as my father's alarm was going off. It was more than worth it.
I actually read my drummer something I wrote. I haven't let anyone hear anything I wrote (fiction wise) since I was in 5th grade, when the horrible girls that ruined my middle school experience destroyed my poetry book.I kept it private, sealed it off. It was cathartic, and liberating to give my words a voice. I have written more this summer than I've written in years. I am finally letting go of everything that ever hurt me in the past piece by piece. It started in England and it's ending with him. This has been a summer of healing. I feel whole and happy. I feel content.
I am slightly concerned about where things are going. My life would not be my life unless I was brooding/musing/overthinking. I am happily over my rant of the last entry, although I am still a liiiitle perplexed over how this whole living arrangement is going to go down. I'm trying to relax.
School is starting. I move in a week. I am never never never never coming home, unless it's to see a certain musician or for my brother. It's time to grow up.
I heard a rumor that my douchebag ex crashed his car when he was drunk. This doesn't surprise me. I also heard that the normal repercussions for this sort of action were conspicuously missing. Again, no surprise there. How can one person be so terribly irresponsible, and be allowed to live in his own vacuous, selfish space? Irritating.
Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 8 years. It's amazing, we were friends when we were both about 4 years old. She hasn't lived anywhere near me for 18 years. She lives in Vermont. The last time I saw her was when her family briefly lived in PA for about a year and we briefly reconnected for a summer. We barely keep in touch. We don't e-mail, IM, call, write. Still, I would say that I feel close to her. I'd call her a friend without hesitation. We met for coffee, and it was like meeting up with a friend you've known forever, like we never left off, though we weren't ever steady friends beyond preschool. I see her as my parallel. We are so alike. It was good to see her and drink mutual skim lattes and chat about life. It blows my mind how there are people that the universe brings you together with, and without a doubt, for a reason. We promised to keep in touch. She will be a person that will always randomly end up in my life. I'm grateful for this strange, unique friendship. Talking with her today, I realized that it's okay to not know where your life is going. It's okay to have questions, to be confused. I'm not the only one not getting engaged, still in school, full of questions for the future. I'm not the only one on unsteady ground. I'm not the only one feeling the way I'm feeling. Of course, I knew this before in theory, but hearing my thoughts come out of her mouth sort of drove this home for me.
I've been thinking lately about the fluidity of relationships, about how people shift in and out of your life, about how people that were once vital can quickly become an afterthought, and how at any second, you can meet someone at random that can become an integral part of your life. It blows my mind how the weather can change, the tides can shift, the randomness that encompasses every day. Maybe I'm just a cheesey doofus but when I stop to think about the huge numbers of people that have shaped my life, the people that have come and gone, and the people that are important to me in this moment, it staggers me. It gives me pause. It makes me excited and nervous and confident that my life will one day fall into place. It makes me ready to move to a new city with open eyes and optimism.
Okay, the end.