New years postings.
I know I'm a bit late, but better late then never right?
Anyway, I have to say the time immediatly procedding Christmas to now has been eye opening to say the least.
First, I would like to plug a book as odd as that sounds.
Haunted, by Chuck Palahniuk.
Some of you will recognize this as the author of Fight Club. In one fell swoop this book has changed the way I look at life, my own personal issues, and how I percieve the people around me. To most of you I will say if you persue this book, you will open it, finish maybe to the 5th of the 24 chapters, proceed to put it down, and then look me in the face and call me a sick fuck. The book seems to have gotten that reaction from a lot of people. However for those that can wade through the perverse and deragatory surface, I sense you will find pause, and realise the part of the book that strikes you the strongest is not the surface "ick" factor, but the meaning contained under the surface, the realities about human nature that are hard to swallow and which we turn our eyes away from.
The greatest quote I take from the book is that "a book is like sex, it intimate and consensual. Only you are there to experience it." This combined with Mr. Wittier's view of the human experience, has lead me to the thought that we are the chains that bind ourselves. Too often we say "but if they" or "If I could only". Too often we wallow in our drama and then lash out at others trying to find blame. So for my new years resolution, I've decided I will follow Mr. Wittier's advice.
Long story short, I am going to stop making excuses for the baggage I carry, and flat out drop it, saying that the only way my baggage will stop using me is if I myself tell it that it can't anymore. My first step was to cut off Kit to the level of a pure friend. This in itself has solved so many problems. I found new years to be the first party I've enjoyed in a while because I didn't worry about whether the kid threw a jealousy fit or not. For me it was simply the fact that I had told kit where I stood, and at that point any baggage was his, and I had no reason to claim it.
My next step is to stop making excuses on the dating front. To often I've said "I'll wait till person X or Y visits because I'd hate to be in a relationship mere days before they arrive." I've decided that yes some of these people mean a lot to me, but it's time that I look to my own happiness, and if it causes crossed wires, it'll happen, and it'll be worked out (for better or worse).
On top of this I've sat and said for ages now that I need a mate, someone there to make me happy and to make happy in return. It's finally sunk in that what I need is not a mate, but a companion. Someone like the best friends I had back in High School or my freshman year of college that just hung out and seemed to drive off all the clouds. Yet even then the idea of a companion requires someone else to consent to my happiness. So even though I look forward to this, I find I will need to focus my energy in other places that can make me happy, places where no one can say no and stop me.
So for now, I'm thinking on what those things may be, and taking it one day at a time. As time goes by, I will try to strip my baggage and live the way of Cassandra (hopefully without the splinters up the ass).
So in conclusion my goals this year:
To relinquish my personal baggage.
To find those things that bring me happiness.
To live a "happier" life.
To find the place and medium where I am content.
To force people's baggage back to them, and simply let it slide off me.
To point out where people make their own misery.
And most of all, to force Haunted on every person that I can.
~Kede
Anyway, I have to say the time immediatly procedding Christmas to now has been eye opening to say the least.
First, I would like to plug a book as odd as that sounds.
Haunted, by Chuck Palahniuk.
Some of you will recognize this as the author of Fight Club. In one fell swoop this book has changed the way I look at life, my own personal issues, and how I percieve the people around me. To most of you I will say if you persue this book, you will open it, finish maybe to the 5th of the 24 chapters, proceed to put it down, and then look me in the face and call me a sick fuck. The book seems to have gotten that reaction from a lot of people. However for those that can wade through the perverse and deragatory surface, I sense you will find pause, and realise the part of the book that strikes you the strongest is not the surface "ick" factor, but the meaning contained under the surface, the realities about human nature that are hard to swallow and which we turn our eyes away from.
The greatest quote I take from the book is that "a book is like sex, it intimate and consensual. Only you are there to experience it." This combined with Mr. Wittier's view of the human experience, has lead me to the thought that we are the chains that bind ourselves. Too often we say "but if they" or "If I could only". Too often we wallow in our drama and then lash out at others trying to find blame. So for my new years resolution, I've decided I will follow Mr. Wittier's advice.
Long story short, I am going to stop making excuses for the baggage I carry, and flat out drop it, saying that the only way my baggage will stop using me is if I myself tell it that it can't anymore. My first step was to cut off Kit to the level of a pure friend. This in itself has solved so many problems. I found new years to be the first party I've enjoyed in a while because I didn't worry about whether the kid threw a jealousy fit or not. For me it was simply the fact that I had told kit where I stood, and at that point any baggage was his, and I had no reason to claim it.
My next step is to stop making excuses on the dating front. To often I've said "I'll wait till person X or Y visits because I'd hate to be in a relationship mere days before they arrive." I've decided that yes some of these people mean a lot to me, but it's time that I look to my own happiness, and if it causes crossed wires, it'll happen, and it'll be worked out (for better or worse).
On top of this I've sat and said for ages now that I need a mate, someone there to make me happy and to make happy in return. It's finally sunk in that what I need is not a mate, but a companion. Someone like the best friends I had back in High School or my freshman year of college that just hung out and seemed to drive off all the clouds. Yet even then the idea of a companion requires someone else to consent to my happiness. So even though I look forward to this, I find I will need to focus my energy in other places that can make me happy, places where no one can say no and stop me.
So for now, I'm thinking on what those things may be, and taking it one day at a time. As time goes by, I will try to strip my baggage and live the way of Cassandra (hopefully without the splinters up the ass).
So in conclusion my goals this year:
To relinquish my personal baggage.
To find those things that bring me happiness.
To live a "happier" life.
To find the place and medium where I am content.
To force people's baggage back to them, and simply let it slide off me.
To point out where people make their own misery.
And most of all, to force Haunted on every person that I can.
~Kede