In which NiiceLaady rants not-so-nicely against Big Medicine
Disclaimer: I have nothing against the medical profession or the people in it. I am in awe of doctors, nurses, pharmacists, lab techs, physical therapists, massage therapists and everyone else who has mastered all the intricacies of biology and anatomy that I couldn't begin to learn with my unscientific brain. It was a small miracle that I passed
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I also strongly dislike going to the doctor, and have avoided some kinds of routine care for longer than doctors think I should. I've actually gotten to a kind of better place with it recently, though, going in for my prenatal care. Because in the course of the trauma work I've been doing, I've come to the conclusion that there are actually good and valid reasons for my discomfort with medical settings, and it's not something for me to feel guilty or ashamed of. That (and support from rockin' awesome homebirth midwives) has allowed me to start practicing a new, completely unapologetic attitude at my doctor visits. Starting with this line, which should never have to be said anywhere: "I prefer to meet a practitioner before I take my clothes off." I go in with my list of questions and get them answered. I have refused unnecessary examinations and tests, and when they say something is important I make them explain to me why, and even then I maintain my right to respectfully disagree and not consent. I think I've just finally managed to *feel* that I'm actually in charge when I'm at the doctor, which I hadn't really managed before even though I've always thought it should be true.
I know that when they're saying you must do ABC if you want us to do XYZ procedure you need, it's not like you can just say no. But you can avoid feeling disempowered by them. You can ask them to justify their requirements, and complain if the logic doesn't add up. And you can - though I know how hard this can be - stop the EKG tech and tell them you are not OK right now and the EKG needs to wait til you can recover from your anxiety attack.
Practice putting up your guilt-trip-proof shield. Good medical providers know that it's not their place to judge how you feel or the choices you've made in the past about self-care or following up with medical stuff - and if you get someone who is judging, it's their problem not yours. You're not there to be chastised, you're there to take care of what you need now. You deserve medical care that gives you what you need nonjudgementally. If you're not getting it, go elsewhere - or if you don't have that option, *at least* don't take their bullshit to heart.
Oy. Apparently I have a lot to say on this subject - hope I'm not overdoing it. In any case I hope things go smoothly for you from here.
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