so much for updating more often....
I had this dream where me and some guy were sitting on top of this insanely high poll, on this traditional school desk, he was my music manager of some sort, and sitting on the desk bit, and I was sitting in the chair itself. While discussing the music video we were going to make I became very much aware of the height at which we were precariously balancing on the old 80's school desk so I venture perilously down the poll to safety, but on my landing the man loses balance and falls... while he flys into the solid concrete all I can do is jump to the side and curl into a ball, hear the crash and feel the blood splatter against me.
Then I wake up.
My visa application is in process, has been for almost a month... and could take two more for me to hear of the results. I'd love to say i've been living it up just in case but mostly I've been sitting around getting drunk (on my own) to avoid the stress. But really, the other prospects don't seem so appealing.
I live with the guys who pissed me off royally 2-3 years ago, thinking that he and I were dating when I was fucking everybody BUT him... I also live with his girlfriend who doesn't pay a penny toward the house even though she is here 24-7. My best friend, I guess you could say, is my ex... 3 TIMES OVER, a guy who I've dumped 3 times and who is still trying for a 4th go, a guy who I belittle so much I actually feel really bad about it, is my best friend, the girl I've had a crush on for well over a year is moving away and I find myself regretting never giving it a go, even when she asked me flat out, I was too chicken shit so I went back to my ex (the aforementioned).
I've been made redundant and thus don't see the 20 good friends I made that I was used to seeing every single day. I can't get another job until I hear about my visa, thus the drinking cheap ass booze in my house rather than going out like I'd rather (well, rather if it wasn't near freezing)
I'd like to visit home, but I really think that after 4-5 years it's all changed to much for me, or I've changed too much for it. If my visa gets rejected I'll be on a boat to new york (still can't imagine flying without shitting myself) and from there who knows. But just as frightening, if I do get my visa I have to find a job in the insanely shrunken economy (the uk is really doing very poorly) which includes moving somewhere new.
Barely having left this little town I live in, for the last year and a half, has left me somewhat frightened of the outside world... I seem to have forgotten the spirit I used to have, the need, the adventure, the escapism even! I need out of this place!!!!! So either way, I'm just creaming for an answer of some sort.
Here's a creepily posed bitchy ass looking photo of kind of what I look like now... cause I'm all blond again, though I've been 3 other colors since this photo was taken.
Then I wake up.
My visa application is in process, has been for almost a month... and could take two more for me to hear of the results. I'd love to say i've been living it up just in case but mostly I've been sitting around getting drunk (on my own) to avoid the stress. But really, the other prospects don't seem so appealing.
I live with the guys who pissed me off royally 2-3 years ago, thinking that he and I were dating when I was fucking everybody BUT him... I also live with his girlfriend who doesn't pay a penny toward the house even though she is here 24-7. My best friend, I guess you could say, is my ex... 3 TIMES OVER, a guy who I've dumped 3 times and who is still trying for a 4th go, a guy who I belittle so much I actually feel really bad about it, is my best friend, the girl I've had a crush on for well over a year is moving away and I find myself regretting never giving it a go, even when she asked me flat out, I was too chicken shit so I went back to my ex (the aforementioned).
I've been made redundant and thus don't see the 20 good friends I made that I was used to seeing every single day. I can't get another job until I hear about my visa, thus the drinking cheap ass booze in my house rather than going out like I'd rather (well, rather if it wasn't near freezing)
I'd like to visit home, but I really think that after 4-5 years it's all changed to much for me, or I've changed too much for it. If my visa gets rejected I'll be on a boat to new york (still can't imagine flying without shitting myself) and from there who knows. But just as frightening, if I do get my visa I have to find a job in the insanely shrunken economy (the uk is really doing very poorly) which includes moving somewhere new.
Barely having left this little town I live in, for the last year and a half, has left me somewhat frightened of the outside world... I seem to have forgotten the spirit I used to have, the need, the adventure, the escapism even! I need out of this place!!!!! So either way, I'm just creaming for an answer of some sort.
Here's a creepily posed bitchy ass looking photo of kind of what I look like now... cause I'm all blond again, though I've been 3 other colors since this photo was taken.