Being percieved as a creep sucks.

[nihilistic_emos]

Haven't had the best start to the weekend, because of my presence at after-cast party last night. Night was good, really, until the last hour or so. I went to pee, and upon leaving saw Andrew's brother in his room. I ran in, slamming the door behind me and babbling drunken greetings like "Hey man! How's it going" Got into a long conversation with him about all kinds of crap, like what college he should go to and chicks and astrology. Anyways, I was in there for a while when Andrew, who was having the party, burts through the door, panicking, saying that people had heard "funny noises" coming from the room. Urgh! I had put on Nick's shoes because they're exactly the same as mine, and probably because I was drunk, and Andrew seemed to be all freaked out about that. He told me to get out. Told me to leave. So then me and Jess had to carry a sloshed Millie all the way back to my house. About a full kilometre. Not easy, especially when I was so damn drunk! When we got there, my mum screamed at me in front of my friends and I got embarassed. I was really hurt because I had been treated badly by two people I really value that night in a row and I think I cried.

Now I feel horrible. Because Andrew silently accused me of trying to crack on to his brother. I feel as if everything is whirling out of control again. It is. I need some god-damn guidance. For a moment last night, I wanted to runaway. To just leave!! I am so angst-ridden right now. I hate my drunken behaviour, but I like being drunk, is it my fault people get uncomfortable with my blatant sexuality? I don't know! I don't know! I'm sorry Andrew...really, please, I didn't do anything...why the FUCK are you so scared of me?!?!