Silence
[Title] Silence
[Prompt] 038. “I want you to stay forever.” [Eeteuk/Kibum]
[Summary] “What if the group didn’t really need him and he was just holding them back from their true potential?”
[Rating] G
[Words] 1492
[Disclaimer] Not mine. Seriously.
[Notes] 100 Super Junior Fics Challenge. And my first fic, so yeah…
[Archive] here
Kim Kibum is a loner by nature. He has never been one to seek out the company of others, always preferring silence over the noise of everyday life. For that simple reason, he has always found a liking to the night - a time when the rest of the world is quiet and away and he could be left to himself. A time like right now.
At two in the morning, the house is completely still and silent, giving Kibum peace and respite from the hectic life that morning brought. It is at this time, when he’s left to himself, that he is able to think about the life that seemed to have been thrust upon him without any warning whatsoever.
Kim Kibum is a part of Super Junior; that much is true. Of all the curve balls that life has thrown at him, Kibum found this to be the hardest to recover from. He wanted to hold on for dear life, wanted desperately to believe that everything was true, because life has already been filled with disappointments and he didn’t want this to be just another notch in that ever-growing list. But the very thought of it still felt surreal to him, as if everything he’s experienced so far is just part of a very vivid dream that he’d simply forget as soon as he woke up.
Kibum shifted in his seat as the same doubts began to resurface in his mind. What if it doesn’t last? What if everything is snatched from him just as soon as he began to let his guard down and truly enjoy what he had? What if all his efforts weren’t enough? What if he wasn’t good enough? What if the group didn’t really need him and he was just holding them back from their true potential? What if…
His thoughts took on a life of their own and his worries and fears made the silence he’d sought out feel uncomfortable. He wanted the life back. He wanted to hear Heechul screaming after Donghae and Hyukjae and chasing them around the house because they hid his favorite pair of slippers again. He wanted to see Eeteuk trying to run interference between the three, making sure that the older man didn’t hurt the two more than was necessary. He wanted to hear Sungmin and Shindong in the kitchen, telling Hankyung to hurry with the breakfast, as the Chinese man scurried back and forth, trying to make sure that none of the food got burnt. He wanted to see Kangin trying, and failing, to tell the two to be quiet and to leave Hankyung alone and to wait patiently for the food, just like everyone else. He wanted to see Yesung sipping his coffee on the table quietly, always able to block out all the noise around him. He wanted to see Ryeowook and Kyuhyun having their usual conversation in the living room, talking about anything from politics to their theories on just what Heechul would do once he finally catches Donghae and Hyukjae. He wanted to see Siwon coming out of his bedroom, yawning and stretching, after just waking up, because he seemed to have the innate ability to sleep through any of the noise around him. Kibum wanted anything around him, as long as it was able to keep the thoughts that always threatened to overwhelm him away.
“Still awake?” Kibum was startled out of his reverie by the quiet voice behind him. He turned around to find Eeteuk behind him, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed, silently watching the younger man with knowing eyes.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Kibum replied cautiously. While he did want company, any company, Eeteuk’s was one of the last ones he wanted, because the older man seemed to possess the ability to see right through him and know just what he was thinking, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.
Eeteuk moved from where he was standing to sit beside Kibum, never speaking a word. The two of them sat beside one another silently, time creeping by slowly, and Kibum wished that Eeteuk would just say something, anything, to break the tension.
“You know,” Eeteuk began suddenly, startling Kibum for the second time that morning, “I always complain about all the commotion that goes on around the house everyday, but in all honesty, I’d take the noise over the silence any day.”
Kibum chuckled softly, not saying anything, waiting for Eeteuk to continue.
“When I was first told that I was going to debut as part of Super Junior, I didn’t know how to react,” Eeteuk resumed after a while. “I mean, to find out that I’m going to be debuting with eleven other guys? And to find out that I’m going to be their supposed leader? I thought they were insane. I could barely keep track of myself, much less anyone else. And then they added Kyuhyun and I was sure everything was going to fall apart as soon as we stepped on the stage and that everything was going to be my fault.” Eeteuk went quiet again, thinking over what he was going to say next.
Kibum waited quietly, patiently, knowing that Eeteuk had a point he wanted to make with his story.
“I kept asking myself the same questions,” Eeteuk began again. “‘Can I really do this? Am I even good enough to lead this group of guys? Can I pull them all together and keep them from killing one another long enough to come out with even one successful album?’ I was terrified. And the more I thought about it, the worse I felt about myself.”
“Hyung,” Kibum began, feeling the need to reassure the older man. He wanted to tell him just how proud he was of having Eeteuk as a leader, how great of a job he’s been doing, how well he’s pulled a bunch of guys, who practically had nothing in common, together and made it work just by simply being there to support everyone. Kibum opened his mouth to start telling Eeteuk his thoughts, but he was cut off by the man, himself.
“Then I realized something, and I felt so stupid for taking so long to actually see it.” Eeteuk let out a soft laugh before taking a deep breath, and Kibum waited patiently. “Everyone in the group, all these people who seemed to be as different from one another as night and day, they all had one thing in common: they all contributed something unique to the team.” He placed an emphasis on “all,” looking Kibum squarely in the eyes, as if trying to drive his point home. “Whether it was their singing, or their dancing, or just their presence, they all made an impact in the group. Everyone had a part to play and that’s the reason why everything works. It’s not up to just one person. We all worked together to make Super Junior what it is now. I placed so much pressure on myself, thinking that I needed to do everything, to be everything, that I didn’t see how well we all fit together and how our success was a combined effort.”
Kibum looked down, unable to keep Eeteuk’s gaze. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked back up. “Everyone in this group is important,” Eeteuk continued. “There is no weak link, there is no one we can spare. Super Junior is Super Junior precisely because all of us made it so. Super Junior without Kibum would not be Super Junior, could never be Super Junior.” Eeteuk gave a soft smile, one that Kibum felt himself return.
“I want you to stay forever. I want us all to stay forever. Together. As Super Junior, but more importantly, as friends.” Eeteuk’s hand moved from his shoulder, but Kibum didn’t look away. “Whatever may happen in the future, always know that you are a part of this group and never doubt your importance. Separately, we may not be able to accomplish anything much, but together, we’ll show the world just how great we can be.”
Kibum didn’t try to hide the grin that was clearly plastered on his face. “Now get some sleep,” said Eeteuk, ruffling Kibum’s hair. “You’re gonna need all the energy you can save up for when everyone wakes up. I know I’ll definitely need help in trying to stop Heechul from killing Donghae and Hyukjae again.”
Eeteuk stood up and walked toward his bedroom. “Goodnight, or good morning, I guess,” he said, before disappearing behind the door.
Kibum stood up and headed for his own room, burden lessened and smile still on his face. He quietly shut his door, not wanting to wake up his roommate, and laid down on his bed. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, knowing that in a couple more hours, he’d be woken up by the usual noise that signified that everything is at it should be.
- End -
[Prompt] 038. “I want you to stay forever.” [Eeteuk/Kibum]
[Summary] “What if the group didn’t really need him and he was just holding them back from their true potential?”
[Rating] G
[Words] 1492
[Disclaimer] Not mine. Seriously.
[Notes] 100 Super Junior Fics Challenge. And my first fic, so yeah…
[Archive] here
Kim Kibum is a loner by nature. He has never been one to seek out the company of others, always preferring silence over the noise of everyday life. For that simple reason, he has always found a liking to the night - a time when the rest of the world is quiet and away and he could be left to himself. A time like right now.
At two in the morning, the house is completely still and silent, giving Kibum peace and respite from the hectic life that morning brought. It is at this time, when he’s left to himself, that he is able to think about the life that seemed to have been thrust upon him without any warning whatsoever.
Kim Kibum is a part of Super Junior; that much is true. Of all the curve balls that life has thrown at him, Kibum found this to be the hardest to recover from. He wanted to hold on for dear life, wanted desperately to believe that everything was true, because life has already been filled with disappointments and he didn’t want this to be just another notch in that ever-growing list. But the very thought of it still felt surreal to him, as if everything he’s experienced so far is just part of a very vivid dream that he’d simply forget as soon as he woke up.
Kibum shifted in his seat as the same doubts began to resurface in his mind. What if it doesn’t last? What if everything is snatched from him just as soon as he began to let his guard down and truly enjoy what he had? What if all his efforts weren’t enough? What if he wasn’t good enough? What if the group didn’t really need him and he was just holding them back from their true potential? What if…
His thoughts took on a life of their own and his worries and fears made the silence he’d sought out feel uncomfortable. He wanted the life back. He wanted to hear Heechul screaming after Donghae and Hyukjae and chasing them around the house because they hid his favorite pair of slippers again. He wanted to see Eeteuk trying to run interference between the three, making sure that the older man didn’t hurt the two more than was necessary. He wanted to hear Sungmin and Shindong in the kitchen, telling Hankyung to hurry with the breakfast, as the Chinese man scurried back and forth, trying to make sure that none of the food got burnt. He wanted to see Kangin trying, and failing, to tell the two to be quiet and to leave Hankyung alone and to wait patiently for the food, just like everyone else. He wanted to see Yesung sipping his coffee on the table quietly, always able to block out all the noise around him. He wanted to see Ryeowook and Kyuhyun having their usual conversation in the living room, talking about anything from politics to their theories on just what Heechul would do once he finally catches Donghae and Hyukjae. He wanted to see Siwon coming out of his bedroom, yawning and stretching, after just waking up, because he seemed to have the innate ability to sleep through any of the noise around him. Kibum wanted anything around him, as long as it was able to keep the thoughts that always threatened to overwhelm him away.
“Still awake?” Kibum was startled out of his reverie by the quiet voice behind him. He turned around to find Eeteuk behind him, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed, silently watching the younger man with knowing eyes.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Kibum replied cautiously. While he did want company, any company, Eeteuk’s was one of the last ones he wanted, because the older man seemed to possess the ability to see right through him and know just what he was thinking, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.
Eeteuk moved from where he was standing to sit beside Kibum, never speaking a word. The two of them sat beside one another silently, time creeping by slowly, and Kibum wished that Eeteuk would just say something, anything, to break the tension.
“You know,” Eeteuk began suddenly, startling Kibum for the second time that morning, “I always complain about all the commotion that goes on around the house everyday, but in all honesty, I’d take the noise over the silence any day.”
Kibum chuckled softly, not saying anything, waiting for Eeteuk to continue.
“When I was first told that I was going to debut as part of Super Junior, I didn’t know how to react,” Eeteuk resumed after a while. “I mean, to find out that I’m going to be debuting with eleven other guys? And to find out that I’m going to be their supposed leader? I thought they were insane. I could barely keep track of myself, much less anyone else. And then they added Kyuhyun and I was sure everything was going to fall apart as soon as we stepped on the stage and that everything was going to be my fault.” Eeteuk went quiet again, thinking over what he was going to say next.
Kibum waited quietly, patiently, knowing that Eeteuk had a point he wanted to make with his story.
“I kept asking myself the same questions,” Eeteuk began again. “‘Can I really do this? Am I even good enough to lead this group of guys? Can I pull them all together and keep them from killing one another long enough to come out with even one successful album?’ I was terrified. And the more I thought about it, the worse I felt about myself.”
“Hyung,” Kibum began, feeling the need to reassure the older man. He wanted to tell him just how proud he was of having Eeteuk as a leader, how great of a job he’s been doing, how well he’s pulled a bunch of guys, who practically had nothing in common, together and made it work just by simply being there to support everyone. Kibum opened his mouth to start telling Eeteuk his thoughts, but he was cut off by the man, himself.
“Then I realized something, and I felt so stupid for taking so long to actually see it.” Eeteuk let out a soft laugh before taking a deep breath, and Kibum waited patiently. “Everyone in the group, all these people who seemed to be as different from one another as night and day, they all had one thing in common: they all contributed something unique to the team.” He placed an emphasis on “all,” looking Kibum squarely in the eyes, as if trying to drive his point home. “Whether it was their singing, or their dancing, or just their presence, they all made an impact in the group. Everyone had a part to play and that’s the reason why everything works. It’s not up to just one person. We all worked together to make Super Junior what it is now. I placed so much pressure on myself, thinking that I needed to do everything, to be everything, that I didn’t see how well we all fit together and how our success was a combined effort.”
Kibum looked down, unable to keep Eeteuk’s gaze. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked back up. “Everyone in this group is important,” Eeteuk continued. “There is no weak link, there is no one we can spare. Super Junior is Super Junior precisely because all of us made it so. Super Junior without Kibum would not be Super Junior, could never be Super Junior.” Eeteuk gave a soft smile, one that Kibum felt himself return.
“I want you to stay forever. I want us all to stay forever. Together. As Super Junior, but more importantly, as friends.” Eeteuk’s hand moved from his shoulder, but Kibum didn’t look away. “Whatever may happen in the future, always know that you are a part of this group and never doubt your importance. Separately, we may not be able to accomplish anything much, but together, we’ll show the world just how great we can be.”
Kibum didn’t try to hide the grin that was clearly plastered on his face. “Now get some sleep,” said Eeteuk, ruffling Kibum’s hair. “You’re gonna need all the energy you can save up for when everyone wakes up. I know I’ll definitely need help in trying to stop Heechul from killing Donghae and Hyukjae again.”
Eeteuk stood up and walked toward his bedroom. “Goodnight, or good morning, I guess,” he said, before disappearing behind the door.
Kibum stood up and headed for his own room, burden lessened and smile still on his face. He quietly shut his door, not wanting to wake up his roommate, and laid down on his bed. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, knowing that in a couple more hours, he’d be woken up by the usual noise that signified that everything is at it should be.
- End -