Angry, vent-out post.
I know I will regret posting this soon but what the heck?
Oh my god...
What just happened? Why did it happen? What caused it to happen?
I am trying to stay sane and rational about what happened earlier...but it hurts and I fear this might develop into a complex, a trauma, a permanent scar.
I feel scared, hurt and trapped. Things have gone way beyond my control...my very sense of security, shattered. The most basic unit where I came from...in pieces.
Didn't I see this coming? Of course, I did...It's just that I never expected it would happen like THAT.
I understand that we are only human, we make mistakes, we fuck up and maybe fuck up other people in the process.
But what do we do when it leaves permanent damage? That we might not be able to look at the person the same way anymore...(at least, not for a long time.) That we suddenly find ourselves wanting and not wanting to take sides? We are torn down to our own guts that every inch of skin feels like it is being ripped off one by one.
This is the first time for the pampered, spoiled princess to be forced into reality. I didn't want to be forced into THAT reality. I wanted my own happy world with a few occasional bitches and assholes but they are strictly not in close terms. Now I see that without my knowledge, some bitches and assholes have been close to me all the time and they chose the right moment to screw my sanity inside out. The problem is this pampered and spoiled princess was too much into her own fantasy world and was not prepared at all to act rationally and give it a brush-off. (STUPID ISFP result)
All my feelings of pent-up rage might come out, I can feel it...This incident might be the catalyst for me to go completely ballistic. I might have been quiet and tolerant of bullshit during the last 18 years but I know and am afraid that the next time I get bullshitted on,
I WILL FUCKING SCREAM AND CURSE AND GET PHYSICAL.
so right now this goes to all the people who made my life miserable:( (Especially to that bitch I hate the most and the jerk who is the reason for this post)
FUCK YOU. GO TO HELL AND NEVER COME BACK.
Lots of love if you did that,
Me