Yay for goopy Transformers stories! :D

[nightwind69]

Well, I posted this on the Cell, so I figured I might as well post it here, too. Even though most of the people who read this journal and would be interested in this story also usually read the Cell... Whatever. :)

Anyway, here is a story that frostymook and I wrote. It's called "Inculpatus", and it's a Transformers fanfic, so those of you who aren't into

Comments

[ravenclaw_devi]

That's why we ended it on such an upbeat, positive note because our intention is to accentuate the devastation that will occur shortly thereafter. Losing Skyfire damaged Starscream on many different levels and we wanted to set that up

Oh, I could tell. In fact - and that may just be a matter of personal perception, so please don't take offence - you were perhaps laying it on a bit too thick, IMHO. It felt a bit like (no offence) emotional manipulation to me - like you were laying it on thick with the characters' happiness and basically saying, "Look how happy they are, but we all know what will happen next, don't we? They don't know that the anvil will drop, but we know, don't we, audience?" It's - I'm not saying that having the characters perfectly, blissfully happy when we (but not they) know that disaster will strike next is a technique that doesn't work - I've seen it work. It's just that you were doing it a bit blatantly here, and it might have worked better if you'd done it a bit more subtly, if you catch my drift.

Or maybe I'm just being cranky 'cause I'm not feeling well.

[nightwind69]

I think the "difficulty" with the issue might be because this story is meant to be very closely connected with "Redemption," if not an actual, attached prologue to the story. As such, it's meant to set up certain quirks in Starscream's basic personality that will be important later, and it's meant to set up why we believe Starscream acts the way he does subsequent to Skyfire's loss and during the course of the cartoon episodes (i.e. how he can shoot at, injure, curse at, attempt to murder, and just otherwise act like a complete, indifferent jerk to Skyfire...and yet still love him. :) ) In our view, Starscream's behavior is drastic because he didn't just lose a loved one, but the way he sees it, he lost the bright, happy future that he was "supposed" to have. And more. But that would give away "Redemption" stuff...and we certainly don't want to do that! ;)

So, anyway, as a prologue, this is meant to set up the foundation of Starscream's character as it pertains to his relationship with Skyfire and, perhaps, as it will pertain to his relationship with Megatron. Were this meant to be an entirely stand-alone story with no follow-up, then it would be overly manipulative, I think. As it is...Well, it's still manipulative, yes, but at least it's manipulation with a (hopefully valid) narrative purpose, that being to help the reader to better understand the person that Starscream will become, once the cartoon and "Redemption" come along. At least, that's our hope. :) We'll see whether or not we've remotely succeeded. :) Perhaps it could be a bit more subtle in places (The last line, for instance, could be a little less blatant.), and maybe we'll mess with that a bit before the "final final" version is released, but even if not I think that in combination with the rest of the story, it works.

And THANK YOU, as always for your comments. Yours is an opinion that I, personally, very much respect because, even when I don't agree with you, you always make me think. And, like Frosty said, if kidu couldn't or didn't want to continue beta'ing the story, you and Wayward were tied at the top of the list of people to ask to have a look at it. :)

[nightwind69]

Oh, and, I hope you feel better soon, too. Cuddle that Skywarp plushie that Frosty gave you. Just don't get boogers on him 'cuz you'll freak him out. ;)