(no subject)
Just drowning myself in tasks, the more I do the less I can think. The less I think the less it all hurts. Still don't know what I did to deserve this kind of karma, I thought I'd already paid for all my mistakes, but still a few of them come back to haunt me. Listen to me, I'm only 19 and I'm already talk like this. Rough freaking life I've had so far, lots of scars, both of the flesh and the mind. The light is gone again, and I fight my way through the dark. I need to stop thinking, what I need is activity, action, the will to not succumb to this is there, I just need to find a way to escape this night that has descended on my life.
I've been listening to this song a friend sent me a few weeks ago, and right now I realize just how much most of the lyrics fit me right now. Yeah, if it weren't for this song I'd be going mad right now, but listening to it has kind of helped me, it expresses something that right now I'm having a hard time expressing. It might be an odd thing, relying on music to express how I feel, but yeah, this song just works for me. As aggressive as it is, being Heavy metal, it calms me. (Though I will say right now that no, not EVERY line expresses how I feel because there are some in there that are more... Extreme, than I feel.) I'm posting the lyrics here, if you haven't heard the track, just ask and I'll let you listen if you want, my way of best describing how I feel right now to those that I can't find the words to say it to
One last thing before I put this up here, so that certain people don't get the wrong idea; not all of this applies to any one person or one sitution, but everything that I am dealing with, and every aspect of everything I'm dealing with. With each line I feel a relation to something different. Just didn't want some people to start thinking I was gonna go crazy on them, but yeah I'll stop talking now.
"you are the fucking disease.
another day, another memory.
but i have fucking failed.
i turned another lie into the work of a saint.
so where is the cure?
hundreds of souls,
with the look of horror on their face.
now i rise from my knees.
i will not live in misery.
you won't take me.
you won't take me.
now it's me.
now it's me.
all that's left is a bitter taste,
of a life that was once so promising.
rather cut at the wrist;
than laugh about your mistakes.
sickness fills the air.
another life that you wish you could fake.
your eyes will cut through me,
but it's a risk,
that i must fucking take.
i must take.
so where is the cure?
hundreds of souls,
with the look of horror on their face.
now i rise from my knees.
i will not live in misery.
you won't take me.
you will not destroy me.
you cannot destroy me.
and i'll fight you,
with every ounce of strength i have left,
and i'll seal it with a bullet and a kiss.
so look at your fucking horror.
horror.
i want to see your face.
show me your true face.
i want to see your face.
show me your true face.
my heart belongs to you,
so save me.
my heart belongs to you,
so save me,
for the sake to give it away.
still beats,
still beats inside of me.
my heart belogns to you,
so save me.
and my heart still beats.
and my heart still beats.
my heart still beats,
so save me.
my heart still beats. " - Bleeding Through "Love lost in a hail of gunfire"
I've been listening to this song a friend sent me a few weeks ago, and right now I realize just how much most of the lyrics fit me right now. Yeah, if it weren't for this song I'd be going mad right now, but listening to it has kind of helped me, it expresses something that right now I'm having a hard time expressing. It might be an odd thing, relying on music to express how I feel, but yeah, this song just works for me. As aggressive as it is, being Heavy metal, it calms me. (Though I will say right now that no, not EVERY line expresses how I feel because there are some in there that are more... Extreme, than I feel.) I'm posting the lyrics here, if you haven't heard the track, just ask and I'll let you listen if you want, my way of best describing how I feel right now to those that I can't find the words to say it to
One last thing before I put this up here, so that certain people don't get the wrong idea; not all of this applies to any one person or one sitution, but everything that I am dealing with, and every aspect of everything I'm dealing with. With each line I feel a relation to something different. Just didn't want some people to start thinking I was gonna go crazy on them, but yeah I'll stop talking now.
"you are the fucking disease.
another day, another memory.
but i have fucking failed.
i turned another lie into the work of a saint.
so where is the cure?
hundreds of souls,
with the look of horror on their face.
now i rise from my knees.
i will not live in misery.
you won't take me.
you won't take me.
now it's me.
now it's me.
all that's left is a bitter taste,
of a life that was once so promising.
rather cut at the wrist;
than laugh about your mistakes.
sickness fills the air.
another life that you wish you could fake.
your eyes will cut through me,
but it's a risk,
that i must fucking take.
i must take.
so where is the cure?
hundreds of souls,
with the look of horror on their face.
now i rise from my knees.
i will not live in misery.
you won't take me.
you will not destroy me.
you cannot destroy me.
and i'll fight you,
with every ounce of strength i have left,
and i'll seal it with a bullet and a kiss.
so look at your fucking horror.
horror.
i want to see your face.
show me your true face.
i want to see your face.
show me your true face.
my heart belongs to you,
so save me.
my heart belongs to you,
so save me,
for the sake to give it away.
still beats,
still beats inside of me.
my heart belogns to you,
so save me.
and my heart still beats.
and my heart still beats.
my heart still beats,
so save me.
my heart still beats. " - Bleeding Through "Love lost in a hail of gunfire"