She knew that life had passed her by.
My mother now wants me to "thank" my father for "protecting" me on New Years. I can't even imagine processing that notion. Why the fuck would I thank my father? For demonstrating primitive, undeveloped and immature behavior? For endangering my life and the life of my best friend? For making me beg for his life? For traumatizing me and being the reason I'm reacting in the dramatic way that I am? I don't understand how he was protecting me.
I can see if he wasn't such a womanizer. If he wasn't always watching porn. If he didn't always have some lascivious comment to make about a woman. But he does all those things. That guy, who now probably needs reconstructive surgery on his face, did nothing worse than what my father does on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, as we were walking to the train station, he told me he wanted to walk slow so that he could check out the view..the "view" being girls no older than me.
It pisses me off so much because, in his drunken stupor, he was looking for a fight. He used that boy cat calling me as an excuse to justify venting whatever rage it was that he had building up inside of him. The guy pushed him. I can see if my father retaliated equally and continued to do so. No. The guy pushed him and my father leapt on him. And then when I pulled him off, he nearly knocked me to the ground because I was in his way. I should have let him kill that asshole and then get arrested and sentenced on manslaughter charges.
Neither of my parents believe that guy had a gun. My mom keeps saying that if he did, he would have shot my father. What she doesn't realize is that he didn't have a chance to while my father was on top of him, bashing his skull in. When he was standing and had the opportunity to plow a bullet or two into my dad, Asia and I were standing in front of him, damn near pressed up against him and begging....BEGGING...him to walk away.
I'm shaking so bad right now and I'm nauseous. I'm not blaming my father alone, like some people think. I blame them both and whoever came up with that whole "Violence is acting like a man" bullshit. I can't stand that kind of stupidity. I can't stand being in the middle of that kind of anger and violence.
And, most of all, I can't stand that I was the cause of it all. None of it was worth it.
I can see if he wasn't such a womanizer. If he wasn't always watching porn. If he didn't always have some lascivious comment to make about a woman. But he does all those things. That guy, who now probably needs reconstructive surgery on his face, did nothing worse than what my father does on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, as we were walking to the train station, he told me he wanted to walk slow so that he could check out the view..the "view" being girls no older than me.
It pisses me off so much because, in his drunken stupor, he was looking for a fight. He used that boy cat calling me as an excuse to justify venting whatever rage it was that he had building up inside of him. The guy pushed him. I can see if my father retaliated equally and continued to do so. No. The guy pushed him and my father leapt on him. And then when I pulled him off, he nearly knocked me to the ground because I was in his way. I should have let him kill that asshole and then get arrested and sentenced on manslaughter charges.
Neither of my parents believe that guy had a gun. My mom keeps saying that if he did, he would have shot my father. What she doesn't realize is that he didn't have a chance to while my father was on top of him, bashing his skull in. When he was standing and had the opportunity to plow a bullet or two into my dad, Asia and I were standing in front of him, damn near pressed up against him and begging....BEGGING...him to walk away.
I'm shaking so bad right now and I'm nauseous. I'm not blaming my father alone, like some people think. I blame them both and whoever came up with that whole "Violence is acting like a man" bullshit. I can't stand that kind of stupidity. I can't stand being in the middle of that kind of anger and violence.
And, most of all, I can't stand that I was the cause of it all. None of it was worth it.